Back in 1910 Franklin Pierce Adams published a now-famous poem about baseball that began with the line, “These are the saddest of possible words, Tinker to Evers to Chance.” His poem was inspired by a tragic event: the Cubs had used this new-fangled “double play” to get two of his beloved Giants out on a single batted ball! You can read Adams’ poem here; my Cheese-inspired adaptation is below.
These are the saddest of possible words,
Finishing last in our league full of nerds,
Sending Bryce Harper to Canberra’s claim,
Snatching young Myers of minor league fame,
Redshirting Wil so he can’t play the game,
Whining while Heyward’s not hitting the ball,
Shouting “Yasiel, watch out for that wall!”
Waiting for Buchholz’s shoulder to fix,
Jacob’s and Nathan’s return* from the sticks,
Plotting next year’s highly strategized picks,
*Two of our Cheese starting pitchers, Jacob Turner and Nathan Eovaldi, had been sent to the minors and thus couldn’t pitch for the Cheese.