I wrote these limericks as a kind of penance for having such a disappointing team. My goal with each limerick was to point out ways in which every team has failed, or should fail. And to be funny.

Our league is called the EFL. These are the teams in the league:

  • Cottage Cheese (that’s me)
  • Canberra Kangaroos
  • Old Detroit Wolverines
  • Haviland Dragons
  • Flint Hill Tornadoes
  • Portland Rosebuds
  • Peshastin Pears
  • Pittsburgh Alleghenys
  • Kaline Drive
An EFL team called the Cheese
Drafted players who surely would please.
But they sit in sixth place,
And cannot win the race,
When they get to .500 they freeze.
A sadder, more miserable plight
To the Kangeroos’ season just might
Fetch the number one pick,
That Abreu’s hot stick,
But the Rangers have him in their sight.
The Wolverines thought they would gel
Superior hitting would tell
But they traded Jose
And S. Miller away,
So their pennant hopes went all to heck.
A strangely-named team called the Drive
Lacks the players a team needs to thrive.
But they live in the Sound
All that water around,
So it’s fitting that Kaline should dive.
A repeat of last year’s winning team
Was the Haviland Dragons’ big dream
But the injuries came
And it wasn’t the same
Of our crop they’re no longer the cream.
Tornadoes cause people to fear
But Flint Hill was in its first year
So we were not scared
By how well this team fared
This storm isn’t yet in high gear.
Peshastin’s bold bidding was brave
He got players we all seemed to crave.
Second place for the Pears
Is not bad; but who cares?
And that rookie there’s no way he’ll save.
The Rosebuds have done pretty well
For a team who gave up Yasiel.
But their future looks great!
I’ve no fears for their fate
Just as long as they’ve coffee to sell.
There’s one team whose fortunes seem blessed.
They’ve clearly outclassed all the rest.
But Pittsburgh is cursed
Even though they’re in first,
Because nothing at all rhymes with Alleghenys.


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