Dear Mr. EFL Answer Man:
I come to the rookie draft as well-prepared as anyone, but I have a disadvantage: I cannot keep my head in a crisis. When things don’t go as planned, I panic. I spend 4 million on Adeiny Hecchavarria.
Weinert (which my iPhone wants to spell as “we inert”) is always cool. He knows exactly what to do in every draft situation. He probably knew how to talk to girls too…
So (given) Weinert’s clear superiority in all things, the Cheese should NEVER be top-ranked in any preseason assessment.
— Whey Is Me
Dear Whey:
Aha! You’ve given away your argument.
Sure, let’s posit that the Head Allegheny knew how to talk to girls. He’s been married for a LONG time to a very nice woman. But so have you. Unless you are arguing that Betty is Trout to Karen’s Puig — an argument that I do not advise you to make, for a ton of reasons, one of which is that we objective observers would conclude that they are BOTH outstanding picks and it would be silly to even try to rank them — then you have to admit that Weinert’s womanizing gifts did not exceed yours when it counted, when the pressure was greatest.
And consider this: you were the one who brought Altuve into our league. For all his drafting wizardry, Mark did not see Altuve’s potential until Old Detroit threw him in on an already ill-conceived trade.
And here’s another data-point: Mark owned Cory Kluber and at some point cut him. Then he let Old Detroit outbid him last year in the free agent draft. No one realized he was the next Cy Young winner, but it’s not like Mark never goofs.
So — in the next draft, I want you to look over at the Alleghenys and say, “sure, you got Betty, an excellent draft pick. But I got Karen, and she’s every bit as good!” (You should probably say this part to yourself, silently.) And then you can add, out loud if you want: “And where would YOU be if I hadn’t drafted Altuve in the first place?”
And then draft with confidence.
— Mr. Answer Man