Speculations

Just great

 

 

MLB has mostly decided to ignore us, as if our fantasy league didn’t really exist or something.  But a policy of denying the facts is doomed to fail in the long run.  So like an NFL executive who finally admits concussions aren’t just nosebleeds without all the mess, MLB is gradually preparing to reveal to the public a hitherto concealed fact: the Alleghenys are the most dominant baseball team on this or any imaginable planet.

I say this because of a new headline on the MLB home page:  Documentary to feature Altuve’s meteoric rise.  (You’ll need to scroll down on the linked page.)

Isn’t that just super?  Did you know that Altuve is “a great guy” with an “infectious smile”?  I didn’t. The Cheese didn’t say anything about that.  In our interactions with Altuve he essentially had no facial expression at all.

And did you realize that Altuve’s out-of-nowhere 2014 season is already officially not a flash in the pan? Instead, says MLB, “you’ll see him step up to the lead a lot more this year.”

More Altuve. Wonderful.

Did you know that he hit a league-leading .341 and stole 56 bases last year? Well, actually, I did know that. Got my nose rubbed in it.  But did you know he is going to “put up similar numbers this year”?

Maybe we could hope that .134 is similar enough to .341.  But probably, with my luck, MLB is telegraphing how it’s already arranged to both revive baseball in Houston and meet the tribute obligations the Alleghenys have imposed on their new vassal. Look for Altuve to be the center of a huge media frenzy as he finishes the season batting .431.

At least the article doesn’t mention how Altuve slipped through the Wolverines’ fumbling fingers, fails to discover how Allegheny management doctored the Wolverines’ drink, and mercifully does not put the spotlight on Old Detroit incompetence.

They had to save something for the documentary.