(Note: to be sung to the tune of Love Divine, All Loves Excelling)
(Another note: to make this work, you have to pronounce his name AIR-is-MEN-dee ALL-can-TAR-uh, which isn’t right, but sacrifices must be made for art)
Arismendy Alcantara
Got no love from our draft room
Undeserving second-rounder
Pick pre-emption sealed his doom
Cubbies sent him to the minors
Iowa his new address
He was still a total failure
“looks just awful” says the press
Arismendy’s better, lately,
Clubbing home runs, hitting well
Will it be enough to get him
Recalled back up? Time will tell
BP says he’s mediocre
Cubbies called up Junior Lake
Leaving our friend Alcantara
In Des Moines, a big mistake
Don’t you worry, Arismendy,
You’ll improve, you’re sure to please
Even if you don’t see Wrigley
You’ve a place here on the Cheese.
This is beautiful, Dave. Now — can you make Branch Rickey not look so squashed on the league updates menu?
Oooh, that is nasty. I’ll see what I can do.