Scherzando

All we ever hear about these days is how wonderful Max Scherzer is. Ryan can’t get on Facebook without mentioning him — he’s constantly got another perfect game going.  I’m getting just a little sick of constantly hearing about Scherzer, Scherzer, Scherzer. There ought to be a term for this lunacy.

Old Detroit:  L,  3- 4.  .212, .300, .288; 14 ip, 5 er.  Another non-championship-quality day.  And now Stanton’s broken his hamate bone. We’re dragonmeat. If only we had Max Scherzer!

Haviland: W, 5 – 3. .222, .300, .444.  8.7 ip, 3 er.  The Dragons must be brimming with reptilian confidence these days.  They can see the W’s limping and stumbling in front of them, they are healthy, their offense may not be roaring but it is at least purring along nicely.  But all this confidence is misplaced: they don’t have Scherzer.

Cottage: L, 0 – 3.  .194, .235, .323;  7 ip, 2 er.  The Cheese actually lost ground to the Wolverines.  You can’t waste opportunities like this. Not in a league where there are Dragons — and Scherzers!

Pittsburgh: W, 5 – 0.  .282, .317, .462;  10.3 ip, 1 er.  — and Alleghenys!  Yikes! Those Alleghenys lay low in sixth place for weeks on end. Then, when the W’s show a little weakness and Scherzer is distracting everyone, they POUNCE! leaping past two other teams and casting long shadows over the remaining few in front of them. Don’t look now, but Noah Syndergaard pitched better than Scherzer yesterday!

Peshastin: W, 2 – 1. .229, .308, .286; 10 ip, 2 er. Most of us would be discouraged to bat .229, .308, .286.  For the Pears, it’s plenty — because Max Scherzer was pitching!  The great Max Scherzer, perfect into the 6th inning!  The great Max Scherzer, author of 16-straight no-hit innings.  Whoop-de-doo. He couldn’t even avoid hitting Jose Tabata when he only needed one pitch for a perfecto.  He couldn’t even get through the day yesterday for the Pears without 2 innings of shutout relief from Neal Cotts.  The Pears couldn’t even stay in front of the Alleghenys.

Flint Hill: L, 2 – 5. .195, .250, .220; 36.3 ip, 13 er. If you think you can compete in the EFL with a .470 OPS and a 4.44 ERA each day, you’re kidding yourself. That’s not what Scherzer would do. In fact — didn’t Scherzer’s team just pass yours?

Kaline:  L, 4 – 5. .205, .295, .410; 6 ip, 3 er.  Lloyd MacLendon skippered the last-place Mariners yesterday and crowed about the M’s offense — which scored 3 runs!  Cano homered, Cruz doubled, and Drive Brad Miller went 3 for 4 with two doubles. Lloyd loved those three achievements, but took pains to also note Mike Zunino’s triumph for the day: a successful sacrifice bunt. Meantime, Scherzer is driving the Pears further and further ahead of Kaline (and the M’s, too).

Canberra: W, 6 – (-2). .252, .303, .484;  13 ip, 4 er.  I keep hearing all about Scherzer’s achievements, not from the King Pear, but from the Captain Kangaroo.  How sad would it be if Ryan’s excitement over Scherzer’s work were in stark contrast to struggling Kangaroo pitchers?  So it’s a mercy that today Rick Porcello did ok (6 ip, 3 er) and Taijuan Walker did very well (7 ip, 1 er) and the hitters did solid work, too, including the just-back-from-injury Scott Van Slyke.

Portland: L, 3 – 8. .294, .306, .500.  0 ip, 0 er.  Ouch. It’s hard to watch the poor Rosebuds on a day like today, when they got no pitching whatsoever.  So — all you Scherzer fans out there, how do you feel now? Crowing about your her0’s exploits while the Rosebuds have no pitching at all. A little empathy, please.