The Apocalypse Is At Hand

I woke up yesterday to the smell of smoke.  It was so strong I checked the house to make sure it wasn’t on fire.  Then I looked outside. I could barely see the park at the end of our block.

An east wind brought us the densest pall of forest-fire smoke I have ever seen in the Willamette Valley.a

We stuck to our plans for the day: hiking the 4T trail.  You start at the Portland Zoo, walk about 4 miles south through Forest Park to the Oregon Health Science University campus, take their tram down to the waterfront, take the trolley downtown, then take the TriMet train to return to the zoo.

Here are some disquieting observations:

*  Portland’s West Hills are a tinderbox.  Vegetation is extremely dry, some of it probably dying.  If a fire starts there, it will be impossible to save the expensive houses that back up to the woods. Since were constantly smelling smoke we easily imagined a devastating fire consuming forest and homes.

*  We stopped at the food trucks downtown for lunch, taking our purchases northeast across an intersection to a little square turned into a “park” of paving bricks and bench-height walls.  This park is a living room for a fair segment of Portland’s homeless population.  Eating food from a food truck in a square smelling of smoke and homeless people, in the company of so many of the destitute and disheveled, cost me my appetite.  I just drank my peach Thai bubble smoothie and nibbled on leftover bits of Melanie’s unappealing lamb burrito.

*  As we waited to board the Tri-Met train to the zoo, a man sitting near the curb across the street was inhaling aerosol propellant.  He took a hit and let his body go limp. He lolled backwards, laying his head down in the street.  Someone came to help him get upright, but he just took another hit, and laid back down. This time his head and torso were in the street.  A woman working as a street cleaner, who looked like she might be a tissue paper away from homelessness herself, called the police.  Someone alerted Target store security, but when the man saw them coming, he roused himself, gathered up his pack and his aerosol can and ran unsteadily down the street.

* Later, back in Dundee, as I walked to Rob Felton’s house for a Settlers of Catan session, smoke was still heavy in the air.  The lowering sun cast a reddish light on the landscape. A woman ran past going uphill on First Street, struggling and sweating in the ruddy light. A block behind her came a man carrying a full pack with camping gear strapped to it.  They both appeared to be fleeing an apocalypse.

And well they might, for an apocalypse is indeed upon us.

Haviland: W, 6 – 5.  .250, .302, .475;  14.3 ip, 9 er.  It’s not like the Dragons are running away with the race right now, but they are holding their own, mostly.  Paul Goldschmidt is still outstanding (4 for 5 yesterday with two homers).  If you take Matt Barnes’ 5.3 ip, 5 er out of the pitching line — and why not? He’s 100% inactive — you have 9 ip, 4 earned runs, which isn’t dominant, but neither is it bad.

Old Detroit: L, 1 – 12.  .178, .208, .311;  22.3 ip, 19 er.  You may scoff at my characterization of Old Detroit as being engulfed in the flames of the apocalypse.  But consider these data:

OLD DETROIT	ERA
April	3.47
May	3.78
June	3.49
July	3.61
August	4.66
Last 7 days	5.82
Last 4 days	7.43
Yesterday	8.13

As recently as the late July, the Wolverines had the best pitching in the league for the season. They’ve fallen now already to fifth in the league, despite having a record 44.8 defensive rating for August. (Second best: Haviland’s 39.3.)  These are almost entirely the same pitchers!  Joe Ross is new this month, but his 4.18 August ERA is one of the team’s best.

How can a league-leading pitching staff morph in a single month into the league’s second-worst — and in the last week, probably the league’s very worst?

And now my offense is in the tank, too.

OLD DETROIT	RC/G	Rank
April	5.49	1st
May	5.28	2d
June	4.76	5th
July	4.67	4th
August	4.28	7th
Last 7 days	2.96	?
Last 4 days	2.82	?
Yesterday	1.5	9th

Where have you gone, Giancarlo?  It turns out we can’t float the Wolverine balloon on Jackie Bradley, Jr’s two-week outburst of offense.

Today the Wolverines will succumb to this apocalypse simultaneously burning up the Northwest and sinking the Wolverines.  I can still smell smoke in the air.

 

Pittsburgh: W, 9 – 4. .313, .365, .729;  1 ip, 1 er.  Another sign of an apocalypse: the rise of political forces that favor old-style authoritarian dictatorships.  People long for the days when you knew who was in charge, accepted it, and kept your head low and your nose out of politics.

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed…

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards first place to be born?

Cottage:  W 3, L (-1); 8 – (-1).  .333, .381, .641;  15.7 ip, 4 er.  Yesterday I moaned to someone — Phil, probably, while he was in the process of beating me at Settlers — that the Wolverines might end up in fourth place.  At the time this was a mere calculation error : the Alleghenys were (and still are, by the thinnest of hairs) in third place, so if the W’s fell behind them I figured they’d be in fourth. But I quickly realized that the Wolverines have to be overtaken by two teams to end up in fourth, so I relaxed.

Perhaps I should tense back up again: the Cheese gained TWO GAMES on the Wolverines in a single day!

Flint Hill:  W, 8 – (-1).  .310, .375, .483;   15 ip, 3 er.  Fifth place, anyone?  The Tornados also gained TWO GAMES on the Wolverines.  That’s practically impossible in MLB.  But two teams just did it on the same day in the EFL.  Key player: Francisco Lindor, going 3 for 4 with a double and a homer.

Peshastin : “W”, 8 – 8.  .286, .375, .657; 8 ip, 8 er.  If you ever wondered what it takes to win when your pitchers’ ERA’s are at 9.00, the Pears pretty much nailed that down for you Saturday: at least an OPS of 1.000 as a team.  Also, beware of the Top Pear when he starts piling up development cards.  Oh, I’m sorry: that was last night in Settlers of Catan.

Canberra:  L,  5 – 9. .294, .333, .500;  3.7 ip, 5 er.  Canberra continues to get amazing production out of Logan Forsythe, whose 2 for 4 with a double and a homer led the way.  He had solid help from Pierzynski (1.750 OPS) and Stephen Drew (1.000 OPS).  Oh, I don’t think I called up Yonder;  he was there (1.167 OPS), too.  But it wasn’t enough with the sparse and disappointing pitching.

Kaline: W 1, L (-2) , 2 – 8.  .222, .263, .222; 2 ip, 2 er.  I am watching the Mariners try to break their 3- game losing streak.  Drive Carson Smith just got through the top of the 8th without surrendering the M’s one-run lead.  Drives Brad Miller and Mike Zunino have just hit back-to-back singles after Drive Mike Trumbo made an out, putting runners on 1st and 3rd with one out.  Debutant-eligible draftee Ketel Marte is just now driving in Miller with a sac fly.  If only the M’s entire season could have looked like this little snapshot… the Drive would have done better, too.

Portland:  W, 7 – 2.  .289, .341, .658; 6 ip, 1 er.  I think all three of the “bottom” teams in the league are better than the Wolverines right now.

Here’s a Month of August view of the clearly bottom-five teams, with Portland highlighted since, after all, this is their segment in today’s update:

Team Offense, August: Portland –  4.91 rc/g; Canberra – 4.34;  Old Detroit – 4.28; Kaline: 4.17; Peshastin: 3.63.

Team Pitching, August: Canberra — 4.26 ERA;  Portland — 4.39;  Peshastin –4.57;  Old Detroit — 4.66; Kaline — 5.98.

 

Here’s the view over the last week

Offense: Portland: 7.74 rc/g;  Peshastin:  4.72; Kaline: 3.97; Canberra: 3.56; Old Detroit: 2.96 rc/g

Defense:  Portland: 3.54 runs allowed per game; Canberra:  3.81;  Peshastin: 4.18; Old Detroit: 5.71; Kaline:  7.50.

Old Detroit has the worst ratio of runs scored to runs allowed over the last week — while last-place Portland has the best (among these five teams). Old Detroit is, at the moment, the worst team in the EFL. Portland might be among the best.

All the pre-season prognostications, and the results from the first half of the season, indicated this was the Wolverines’ season.  Has there even been so calamitous a collapse in EFL history?

Tune in tomorrow for the post-apocalyptic report. Assuming the planet is still here.