Paul tells us to “rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.” I’ve never entirely understood this advice. Why do the happy people need more happy people? Wouldn’t the sad people be the ones who need happy people?
But then the Bible isn’t there just to congratulate us for getting things right. It’s mostly there to make us uncomfortable about things we get wrong. So not being able to grasp a Biblical teaching is sort of the point. So let’s see if we can figure out what the Bible is trying to teach us about rejoicing and mourning.
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Haviland Dragons | 102 | 55 | .648 | — | 791.7 | 583.6 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 98 | 58 | .629 | 3.2 | 749.4 | 573.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 98 | 59 | .626 | 3.4 | 801.7 | 614.0 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 89 | 67 | .572 | 12 | 786.6 | 673.6 |
| Peshastin Pears | 82 | 75 | .521 | 19.9 | 664.9 | 637.9 |
| Cottage Cheese | 81 | 76 | .513 | 21.2 | 675.4 | 665.3 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 74 | 83 | .470 | 28 | 786.6 | 844.1 |
| Kaline Drive | 69 | 88 | .437 | 33.2 | 641.4 | 733.6 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 65 | 92 | .415 | 36.6 | 655.5 | 781.7 |
Haviland: “W”, 4 – 4. .200, .306, .333; 16.7 ip, 6 er. This does not reflect Haviland’s move today to maximize Samardzija’s playing time. This will give the Dragons access to a whopping 15% of Samardzija’s innings, including 1.15 innings yesterday, along with 0.30 earned runs. Yippee — see how I’m rejoicing with the Dragons. If the Dragons win by 0.001 games, we’ll know why.
Old Detroit: DNP, 0 – (-1). .273, .379, .409; 12.7 ip, 4 er. I suppose the Dragons aren’t all that happy that the Wolverines gained 0.2 games yesterday without playing, and now have an extra game in hand going into the last two series of the season. If this were MLB, the Dragons would know their magic number: 3. Any combination of Haviland wins and Old Detroit losses totaling 3 would give the Dragons the championship (as long as there also was a combination of Haviland wins and Pittsburgh losses totaling 2).
But this is the glorious EFL, about which we should all rejoice! The Wolverines might go 2 and (-1) some day, or even 3 and (-2)! And the Dragons could go (-1) and 2, or even (-2) and 3. If the W’s go 2 and (-1) on the same day the Dragons go (-1) and 2, this thing is practically tied! So, should we mourn with the Dragons over the 0.2 games the W’s gained, or rejoice with the entire rest of the league over the marvels of the EFL?
Pittsburgh: L, 6 – 9. .231, .259, .500; 6.3 ip, 7 er. Let’s sing the praises of Cole Hamels! The Dragons got him to make a difference in the EFL pennant race, and yesterday he came through big time: 6 ip, 6er. And it made a difference! The Alleghenys dropped 0.4 games in the standings, falling back into third place. Isn’t it every EFL owner’s dream to get the kind of impact he was hoping for when he drafts a player? Way to go, Allegheny-oh! We’re rejoicing in your vindication! Here’s hoping David Price does just as well on his next turn.
Flint Hill: W 1, L (-1); 2 – (-1). .258, .361, .387; 12 ip, 6 er. Let’s sing the praises of Mocktober, the 35-day month we’re in that sticks out of both ends of September! The longer we go the higher the Tornado winning percentage can fly. It’s higher already than the Mariners and the Red Sox. (Yawn) (whose isn’t?) It’s higher than the Twins and the Dodgers. (Huh!) It’s higher than the entire AL West (MLB division)! (Wow!!! ) It’s higher than the Yankees!! (Hooray!!!!) It’s only 0.001 lower than the Royals ! (Yeah! Down with the Royals!!!!!!) If the season were just a little longer, it could pass the Alleghenys!! (Wha…! Unbelievable! Let’s do Mocktober again!!!!!!). And the Wolverines!!!…
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Yeah, well, whoop it up, pal, but make sure you clean up all this confetti when your party’s over.
Peshastin: “W”, 1 – 2. .179, .256, . 179; 15 ip, 2 er. Yesterday I sat and commiserated with the King Pear about his poor team finishing well above .500 and looking pretty likely to occupy the pivot point in the EFL standings.
“My team is so bad,” wailed Mr. Pear.
“What, are you crazy?” I replied empathetically. “Half the league is envious of the Pears. You have Max Scherzer and the mighty Welington Castillo.”
“But it’s always the Alleghenys winning the pennant!” moaned Mr. Pear.
“Only 6 out of 11 seasons. The Wolverines won 4, too, you know, and even the Dragons have won one. If they can win, so can you!”
“Yeah, I forgot about the Wolverines and the… what was the name of that other team?”
“Dragons. Look, Mr. Pear, I have to go teach a class. Are you going to be alright finishing fifth?”
“Maybe next year…”
“That’s the spirit!”
“… oh but I say that every year. Why, oh why, is my team so bad?”
“Whatever. I have to go.”
Cottage: DNP, (-1) – 0.
Canberra: W, 5 – 2.
Kaline: “W”, 2 – 3.
Portland: “L”, 7 – 6.
What?
I’m supposed to empathize with people way down here at the bottom of the league?
But I’m exempt. You know, as a registered Republican. We pay the Democrats to take care of these people.
Ok, Ok, I see your point, they need extra helpings of empathy. I’ll empathize with them too…as soon as I can work it into my schedule. But right now, I really do have to go to a class.