Paradise

According to Jesus, in paradise the last shall be first.  Here’s a little taste of that upside down kingdom.

EFL Standings for 2016

D.C.:  L, 4 – 7. (.188, .381, .188; 3.3 ip, 0 er.) Balk fans — we can call them Balkans — are, I hope, a patient and optimistic lot.  A record of 2 and 13 is a sight to behold, and could be taken as discouraging by some.  But there are signs of hope!  The offense only provided 21 plate appearances, and only managed 3 hits (all singles).  But they walked 5 times, and only struck out once!  I believe positive walk-strikeout ratios indicate potential for offensive growth. I’ve believed this ever since I picked out Lance Berkman as a future star while he was still in AAA, based on his walk-strikeout ratios. The Balk only got 3.3 innings of pitching, but they were fantastic innings!  2 hits, 0 runs, 4 strikeouts, no walks:  that’s wonderful stuff.  D.C. just needs two or three times as much of it as its getting.

Peshastin:  L,  4 – 9. (.200, .306, .367; 9 ip, 10 er.) The Pears, on the other hand, got all the plate appearances a team needs (36 of them) with two doubles and a homer — but only 6 hits, plus the same 5 free passes as the Balk (one of them being a HBP).  Still sub-replacement.  And that was the good news.  The pitchers — also with plenty of innings (9) — were worse.  Scherzer stank (5 ip, 5 er, only 3 strikeoouts, 2 walks) and Finnegan was worse (4 ip, 5 er, 2 homers, 2 so, 2 bb).

Kaline:  W, 8 – 5. (.333, .409, .615 — Happy Edgar Martinez Day!;  1 ip, 0 er).  Kris Bryant (4 for 6, 2 hr) led a squad of 6 batters OPSing 1.000 or more. The Drive would be wise to make sure Joe Maddon keeps Bryant at 3B, far from the marauding Dexter Fowler (2 for 5 with a double and a walk).

Pittsburgh:  W (-1), L 1; 2 – 9.  (.286, .423, .571; 13.3 ip, 15 er).  Oooooo.  Ouch. David Price chulked in a big way — 3.7 ip, 8 er) and Jake Odorizzi didn’t help any (4 ip, 5 er). Mike Trout went 2 for 2 with a homer and two walks, and Jose Altuve and Brett Lawrie backed him up with identical lines: 1 for 3 with a double and a walk.  But if your pitchers are going to usher opponents around the bases, what does it matter how much batters batter?

Flint Hill:  W, 4 – 4. (.235, .297, .324; 1 ip, 0 er). Lots of plate appearances (37) is a good thing — but not if they’re all going to just hit like replacements. That’s almost exactly a replacement batting line.  On the other hand, Tony Zych pitched admirably — but that’s the only inning the Tornados got.  At least Xander Bogaerts was fun to watch (3 for 4, 2 doubles, a walk).

Cottage:  W, 4 – 1.  (.207, .281, .345;  14.7 ip, 4 er).  Replacement-level hitting – yes, but only because Aaron Hicks only got two plate appearances (1 for 1 with a walk).  Apparently the Head Cheese did some good allocating to pull 4 runs out of that mess.  Pitching was much better, led by Matt Wisler’s 6.7 shutout innings.

Portland:  “L”, 5 – 4.  (.278, .289, .472;  8 ip, 3 er).  This is workmanlike major league stuff, from both the hitters and the pitchers. The Rosebuds got particularly good results from pinch hitters, who combined to go 2 for 2 with a double.

Old Detroit:  L, 5 – 5.  ( .276, .290, .517; 1.3 ip, 0 er).  Replacement pitchers snuck onto the mound yesterday, freighting the Wolverines with multiple earned runs.  Workmanlike hitting led by a trio of Wolverines (Machado, Polanco, Yelich — the usual suspects) helped salvage a tie.

Canberra:  “L”, 5 – 4. (.176, .300, .265;  1 ip, 0 er). We have our early candidate for Manger of the Year.  Somehow the ‘Roos turned that ugly batting line into 5 runs!  5 batters went a combined 0 for 17 — but Chris Davis was one of them, and he walked 4 times.  I don’t have time to examine Canberra’s allocations… something magical happened, that’s all.

Haviland:  W, 10 – 5. (.353, .489, .588 — Happy Edgar Martinez Day!;  5.7 ip, 1 er).  Miguel Sano is back:  2 for 2 with a homer and 3 walks (take that, Mike Trout).   The team amassed 9 walks and an HBP to go with their 12 hits.  I am getting nervous, friends.  The Dragons are pulling away.  I know it’s early, but every game we give them now we somehow have to claw back later.