Success is often allusory

It’s finals week.  I wonder what are the fruits of a liberal arts education.  Does it help us understand the world around us?

Haviland: W,  0 – 0. (.175, .261, .350; 15.7 ip, 3 er.) Do you know what the Dragon pitchers ERA’s are? Here, let me list them:  0.00, 0.00, 1.04, 1.08, 1.78, 1.80, 1.93, 2.45, .2.61, .3.38, 4.50, 5.47. That 5.47 is Chris Archer, the Dragons’ “ace.” At least, the Dragons keep using that word.  I do not think it means what they think it means.

Canberra: W, 6 – 4. (.293, .370, .488;  0 ip, 0 er).  Logan Forsythe used to be a Wolverine.  In those days he was a classic, light-hitting young utility player. The W’s got tired of waiting to see if he’d ever amount to anything, decided it would take a miracle.  Yesterday he was 2 for 3 with 2 doubles and a walk.  For the season he’s hitting .306, .383, .556.  Give him just .017 more points of OBP, maybe just a walk or two…

Old Detroit: W, 6 – 4. (.250, .333, .406; 2 ip, 0 er)  The Wolverines have played 19 games. Erasmo Ramirez has pitched in 9 of them for a total of 19.3 innings, allowing only 3 earned runs, for a team-leading 1.40 ERA. The Wolverines acquired him a year ago in a trade only because otherwise Jacob Turner would have been an illegal gift to the Kangaroos. Erasmo was the least valuable cheap player the ‘Roos had — they were going to just cut him. He was a placeholder, a technicality, a cypher. I planned on dropping him the next month. But he started pitching a little, so I postponed the cut.  For a year now, every evening I say to him “Good night, Erasmo. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely cut you in the morning.”  But my resolve is slipping. I think most likely I won’t cut him in the morning, but please don’t tell him.

Portland: W, 1 – (-4). (.175, .244, .325; 23.3 ip, 2 er).  The Rosebuds have found a new way to win. Forget about scoring runs. Instead, subtract runs from the other team!  Get Chris Sale to pitch 8, allowing 1 run.  Then follow him up with Johnny Cueto, for 9 shutout innings.  Have Danny Duffy do a scoreless inning, then Jimmy Nelson can go 5.3 innings and allow one mercy run just to keep the other team from disbanding immediately.  I knew they could do it! They could find a Rosebud way to win without doing violence, baseball satyagraha. Just put the opponent to sleep and do a simple little runectomy.  No one has to suffer.

Pittsburgh:  “L”, 2 – (-2). (.167, .268, .278; 14.3 ip, 3 er.)  Two notes here: Pedro Alvarez had another good day ( a simple 2 for 3), continuing his sudden resurrection after some tough love from the Top Allegheny.  You’d almost think there was a Miracle Max in Pittsburgh, reviving mostly dead careers. The Pirates have Ray Searage who re-attaches broken pitchers’ arms.  Who is the Allegheny magician who makes Hall of Famers out of Altuves, and actual major leaguers out of the hulks of the Alvarezes of the world.

Flint Hill: “L”, 6 – 5. (.450, .450, .750 — Happy Edgar Martinez Day!;  1.7 ip, 1 er.) I’m not sure we should allow you to call it an Edgar Martinez Day if you only get 20 plate appearances, never walk, and toss it all away with barely a token effort from the pitching mound. 

Cottage:  W (-1), L 2; 2 – 14. (.185, .214, .333; 9 ip, 12 er).    Ah. Now I see why the Head Cheese was so cheesed at his pitchers. Poor Graveman committed his mortal sin Monday.  Yesterday it was Severino earning severity for chulking, and Shreve shriveling and Wisler wizening after giving up a run per inning.  But maybe the Cheese should put down their stones.  Why should the pitchers pitch in if the hitters are quitters?  5 for 27 isn’t exactly stellar.

Peshastin:  W, 8 – 4.  (.333, .378, .452; 12.3 ip, 6 er).  This was a team effort.  No one got more than 2 hits or 4 total bases. No one posted an ERA on the day under 4.26. On the other hand, every single one of the 11 Pear batters got at least one hit. No one hit into any double plays or got caught stealing. No one wasted any outs on sacrifices. No pitcher posted an ERA over 4.50.   This was the triumph of the little people, hobbits slaying Dragons. Well, not yet — Dragons don’t die easily.  But if the humble ones stick to it the rest of the season…

Kaline:  L, 3 – 6. (. 179, .250, .350; 0 ip, 0 er). Yoenis Cespedes, caught unready when called upon to pinch hit, had to finish putting his gear on while striding to the plate. He uncorked his home run, and immediately hit the showers.  That’s a 5.000 OPS (again!).  But it’s not how you win ball games, or in life.  Of the other 11 Drive batters, 6 went hitless.  Even the mighty Dexter Fowler only contributed a walk to the Kaline cause. Hmmm…. the mighty Fowler, despoiler of worlds; he who leads all of baseball with a 2.0 WAR already, is a Drive. But the Drive do not prosper.  What does it profit a team to have the most feared player in all the land, if it loses the pennant race?  Eventually the sailors from Tarshish did what they had to do.  Will the Drive?

D.C.:  W (-1), L 2; 1 – 8. (.148, .178, .148; 2.3 ip, 0 er). Welington Castillo went 0 for 3. The Baulk blanked. Four for 27 at the plate, no walks, no extra bases, a double play…another team relying on a single champion.  Go to the Pear, thou Balkard, consider his ways, and be wise.