The Cubs have flown Kyle Schwarber to Cleveland, presumably to start him in Game 1 of the World Series. Do you want to know what I think of that? OK, I’ll tell you:
- Yay for Kyle! Way to go! Got yourself healthy months in advance.
- Dexter Fowler, don’t you get anywhere near Kyle. You can wave “hello” from the other end of the locker room when you see him. If Kyle hits a homer, don’t you chest bump him. No high fives, no slaps on the back. If you want to congratulate him, send him a nice card. Or a telegram. I’ve got the restraining order right here.
- I have the option of adding Kyle’s World Series numbers to my September stats, right? Isn’t this a rule — if your first round draft pick gets injured for the season before he has even gotten a hit, you get his World Series stats in your September. It’s only fair. It’s in the Natural Law even if it isn’t in the enacted EFL rules.
- Why are we taking this terrible risk? In the World Series, when it does the W’s no good? The Cubs were already going to win. We need to strengthen the EFL teams’ role in decisions like this.
- If Kyle gets hurt, I warn you: there’ll be another curse on the Cubs. Worse than the last one. How do I know? I’ll give you a hint: the curse will start “Dog STINKING Pickles! … ” and it will get even worse from there.
How could a curse even possibly be worse than “Dog STINKING Pickles! … ” I cannot imagine such an abhorrence. Please, please, do not inflict this upon us.