Meaning is overrated

Peshastin: W 2, L 0; 9 – 6. (.246, .329, .475; 8.7 ip, 2 er).  Probably the Pears president is going to be one of those pesky perky people today, because now that the standings mean something, they mean the Pears are in first place with a perfectly proportioned team.  Four homers and an OPS over .800, with sterling pitching — there’s nothing wrong with that. Javier Baez has gone 1 for 10, and Trea Turner only 2 for 18 (in the latter case despite pre-season predictions of WAR over 5.0), but that just means the Pears have assets in reserve.  They could get BETTER. 

Cottage: W 2, L 0; 7 – 4. (.205, .289, .342; 12 ip, 4 er)  That hitting sure looks like a flaw — and Luis Severino stank it up pretty good with 4 er in 5 ip.  So how can the Cheese be savoring a place amongst the practically perfect? Well, here’s the thing: the Head Cheese only has Severino active at 33%.  And, of course, they have the Hall-of-Fame triumvirate: Bryce Harper (OPSing 1.357 for the season), Mike Trout (1.103), and Jorge Polanco (1.000) leading the way. A shrewd GM and $27,500,000 of all-time great hitters will cover a multitude of sins.

Canberra: W 1, L 1; 10 – 7. (.269, .310, .358; 11.3 ip, 4 er). You really can’t expect to win the EFL with a team OPS of .668. Nor with Blake Snell surrendering 4 earned runs in 6.7 ip. But as long as you have AdamEaton (2 for 8 with a homer, 2 walks and a SB) and a relentless bullpen (4.7 ip, 2 h, 5 so, 0 earned runs) you have a chance to make some noise if things start falling right.

Flint Hill:  L, 1 – 3. (.171, .292, .368;  13.3 ip, 5 er).  The Commissioner’s Office got an urgent telegram last night just before 8:00 — send Buxton to the bench 100% and bring up Manuel Margot 100%.  Of course, neither of those things is possible in the EFL.  Byron Buxton had already accumulated 18 AB for the season, with 1 hit. There’s no way to erase that stain from your teamly garments.  So Buxton has been frozen in the minors and will not trouble Tornado fans again this month — but his 1 for 18 (and 11 strikeouts against 1  walk) are enshrined in Tornado statistics forever. Nor can Margot be activated 100% on April 7 — the most you can get is 69% (counting April 7, 23 days left in April times 3% per day).

Portland: W 1, L 1; 13 – 9.  (.286, .408 .492; 6 ip, 1 er).  This looks like the Rosebuds are about as good as the Pears. Shouldn’t Portland be up with the practically perfect? The answer is: yes, the Rosebuds should be playing among the elite. But the Dragons continue to hog the Johnson seat at the head table. We have never had two elite teams from the same family — if you don’t count finishing third last year.  This league is NOT a nepotism — just ask the Kangaroos. It’s against our Constitution — the unwritten part, like the British Constitution which everyone knows but no one can point to.   So the Rosebuds are hereby ordered to wait their turn. When the Dragons descend into the ranks of the Merely Mortal, the Rosebuds can blossom among the elite.

The Not Just Merely Dead, The Really Most Sincerely Dead:

Old Detroit: L, 3 – 10. (.171, .231 .314; 6.7 ip, 10 er).  It seems awfully early in the year to consign four teams to the pyre, but facts simply must be faced now that the standings are beginning to have meaning.  The Wolverine’s 5th starter started yesterday.  Francisco Liriano hung in there until he’d surrendered 5 earned runs on 5 hits and a homer (and 4 walks). When he finally was driven from the mound,  there was one out in the bottom of the first, and the other team had batted around. A Royal Chulk, and then some.   Put that together with a .580 team OPS featuring three players who’ve gone 0 for the season (catcher Hedges, shortstop Iglesias, and super-disutility man Profar, combined 0 for 32) and you have a team not only already dead, but beginning to stink like a pile of putrid pickles.  Even if Liriano’s 135.00 ERA belies his much more hopeful 71.87 FIP,  I liked it better when the standings were meaningless.

DC: W 1 L 1; 10 – 15.  (.245, .344, .491; 18.3 ip, 12 er). Balk hitting looks like the Pears’, only a little better the last two days.  So why do we consign DC to the Really Most Sincerely Dead?  Because a) they’re the Balk, and have more dues to pay before they can join the practically perfect, and b) a 5.89 ERA is not going to be good enough.  Especially not while you have to lug around Sam Dyson’s 1 ip, 8 er two-day Octuple Chulk from earlier in the week, and other double digit pitching performances  from Jharel Cotton (10.38 ERA), Jeff Samardzija (10.13) and Alex Wilson (13.50).   Even so — that nice hitting means the Balk have more reason for hope than the Wolverines do. So maybe they are really merely mostly dead.

Pittsburgh; W 1, L 2; 4 – 12. (.172, .209, .266; 6.3 ip, 2 er). Again, if you are really most sincerely dead you can’t have pitchers performing with sub 3.00 ERA’s like Lance Lynn in tandem with Jose Torres. It would also help if your latest EWIE, Brandon Drury, wasn’t acting like the next coming of Jose Altuve (.467, .457, .600 on the season so far).

Kaline: W 1, L 1; 3 – (-1). (.097, .235, .153;  21.7 ip, 4 er).  Ok, everything was fine — the hitting was moribund (that .388 OPS is particularly outstanding in a morbid way), and Jarred Cosart did a nice triple chulk (2 er in 0.7 ip). But with Liriano’s 135.00 ERA out there, Cosart’s 27.00 just doesn’t look like you’re really trying. Especially not when the rest of the staff goes 21 innings and allows only 2 earned runs.  And splitting two games?  If you don’t watch it, the Drive are going to arise from the grave and assume mere mortality.