The Big Move

Cottage: W 2, L (-1); 16 – 3. (.438, .500, 1.063;  7.7 ip, 2 er).  Well.  That didn’t take long. Six Cheese OPSed over 1.000 yesterday.  Five of them OPSed at least 2.000.   And the sharpest Cheese of the lot? Why, Aaron Hicks, of course: two homers and a walk in 4 plate appearances for a nice .667, .750, 2.667 batting line. He did hit into a double play, too, erasing the value of the walk. So his effective line was only .500, .500, 2.000.  But that would still edge out d’Arnaud (2.214), Kepler (2.100), Schoop (2.000), and that other guy (2.000). So  the Cheese in one mighty blow moved from 0.3 games behind the Pears to 1.1 games ahead.  That’s a big move.

Peshastin: DNP, (-5) – 0. (.129, .229, .161; 0 ip).  If it was a big move for the Cheese, it by definition has to be a big move for the Pears, too, right? Peshastin put in a Wolverine-class day at the plate.  Exceptionally bad timing.  Or maybe they just got sucked into the vortex when the Cheese Truck came blasting past. Six Pears went 0 for the day, while four others only managed one hit each. With one walk and 12 strikeouts, the Pears disapPeared from first place after a record week-long run. (Possible headlines:  “Cottage Pares Pears.”  “Cheese Spear Pears.”  “Pears Pared by Pair of Hicks Homers.” Here’s my favorite:  “Spare Cheese Blasts Pair, Pares Pears.”)

Flint Hill: L, 3 – 5.  (.143, .143, .143;  6 ip, 3 er).  This also looks like a typical 2017 Wolverine day. (I just realized that 2017 rhymes with Wolverine. This has been going on since 2013.  And I just now noticed it?  Yikes.)  All the offense is embodied in two players: Bogaerts (2 for 4) and Joc Pederson (1 for 2), all singles, of course. No walks. Nothing to adorn a 3 for 21 day. The Tornados are still in third, but they’ve fallen from 0.6 to 1.5 games back — a 150% increase in a single day.  Can they rebound? Or will they slowly spin to a stop miles behind the disapPearing Cheese semi truck?

Haviland: W, 8 – 0.  (.350, .435, .650;  10.7 ip, 2 er). Now this is a legitimate championship team day: staggering offense, excellent pitching, all the elements of a dominant team.  Rizzo… let me tell you about Rizzo.  He called me, despondent that he was no longer, and might never again be, a Wolverine. I listened to his laments, full of empathy. Then I pointed out that it was all for the best.  If he was still a Wolverine, he’d be condemned to the EFL basement for the rest of the season.  I said, “Anthony, we had a great 5 years, in contention every year, winning once. Old Detroit fans will never forget that, and we’re grateful for all the good years you gave us.  We’ll always root for you at least a little bit.  But now you’re in a new place… yes, yes, it’s maybe the only place on the planet without a single ex-Wolverine, except you. But I’m sure there are nice people there. Just be you, Anthony, and you’ll be fine.”  So he hit a homer. So did Sano ( and three walks).  Cozart went 3 for 3.  And the Dragons moved past the Drive, and even gained 0.1 games on first place.

Kaline:  W, 6 – 4.  (.273, .385, .682; 1 ip, 1 er).  The Drive had a perfectly fine day, too.  Cespedes blasted two more homers. Bourjos came in for the injured Mallex Smith and hit a homer.  Things are still looking up. The view just got a little bit blocked by the Dragons.

Canberra: W, 3 – 3. (.226, .250, .387;  3.3 ip, 0 er).  The Kangaroos sort of treaded water — I don’t know, Ryan, can Kangaroos swim?  The Captain Kangaroo certainly does know how to tread water. He was All-State for Newberg High School multiple times at the position that might as well have been called “Water Treader.” Huh. Speaking of finally seeing the obvious — this little joke about the Captain Kangaroo being a state-champion water treader has been available for all 14 EFL seasons — and wonderfully apt on several occasions for the Kangaroos.  And I just now saw it.

Portland: DNP, (-1) – (-7). (.250, .323, .321;  11 ip, 2 er).  More water treading, except this time by a team 0.054 points UNDER water.  You’ll note, Mr. Rosebud, how the Kangaroos have their head above the water line while they’re treading water?  Perhaps you’ll want to try that.  I’m not an expert or anything, and my Wolverines are breathing through very long straws, but I think having your head above water helps with the flow of oxygen.

Pittsburgh: “W”, 5 – 5. (.278, .278,. 722; 0 ip)  That team batting line makes a flawless 1.000 OPS.  That’s 5 for 18 with two doubles and two homers.  But with only 18 AB, it’s not a full game’s worth, and of course 0 pitching isn’t either. It’s hard to make big moves with so little action to work with. It was a feat to stay in the same place.  Hey — did the Top Allegheny ever play water polo? (Another epiphany!  Water polo is played in a water polo pool! Get it? Polo and Pool: same letters!)

DC:  L, 3 – 9.  (.222, .300, .333;  10.7 ip, 8 er).  Robert Gsellman is the Gsoat this time. 4.7 ip, but 8 earned runs. Brett Anderson and Kyle Bearclaw picked up after the Gsellman as best they could with 6 scoreless innings, and Robert Gsrossman did what he could (a homer and 2 walks), but it wasn’t enough to keep the Balk from sinking dangerously close to the cellar. Going back there would indeed be a big move, but not the kind you want to make.

Old Detroit: W, 5 – 2. (.333, .459, .433;  14.7 ip, 5 er)  This was by far the best day of the Wolverine ’17.  I came up with the Big Move motif because I thought I was going to get to crow about moving out of last place — and maybe a couple notches more — with the league prostrate before the suddenly awesome Wolverines.  I mean, look: Profar got his second hit of the season!  Jose Iglesias got hits number 3, 4, and 5!  The W’s OPSed almost .900!  And — here’s the big one — Liriano cut his ERA by 126.00 points!  All would bow before the mighty Wolverines!

Except… we’re still in last place. We’re a half-game further from first place than we were 24 hours ago.  We’ve blown the second of our three April roster moves. Even the Balk, in free-fall after a bad day, still used us as a convenient paving stone to walk on.  Hmph. Some big move.