Someone in the EFL is celebrating a birthday today. Let’s see if you can guess who it is. The cosmos is loaded with clues, so this should be a piece of cake.
Just to make the cake even cakier, let’s eliminate one possibility: April 30 is not the birthday of any baseball player in any EFL organization. This is actually pretty remarkable, since among our 10 teams we own over 300 players’ contracts. I think that makes the odds of having an EFL player with an April 30 birthday something like 300/365, or more than 80%. But maybe John or someone will correct me, considering the odds that we have many EFLers with duplicate birthdays…
The most prominent MLB player to be born on April 30 was Phil Garner. The only MLBers active today are Jesus Sucre and Jose Peraza… assuming they’re active today. Which they seem to be. So there was plenty of room for our birthday boy to dominate the day, had their MLB career gone just a little better.
If we broaden our scope to famous people in general, there is clearly still a crying need for someone born of April 30 to step forward and make the day his own holiday. According to famousbirthdays.com, the third most famous Aprilthirtian is someone called Mr. Monkey, a “YouTube Star.” And maybe they’re right. I’ve never heard of # 1 or #2, either. Nor #’s 4 – 8. #9 is Kirsten Dunst, whose name is vaguely familiar. #12 is Isiah Thomas the basketball player, and #14 is Stephen Harper (listed as a “world leader” but not even leading Canada anymore at the moment). The rest of the top 48 are mostly unknown thespians, unsung pop singers, and self-proclaimed YouTube Stars.
Going to a more respectable historically-oriented site doesn’t help. The most prominent name there, other than Queen Mary, is Alice B. Toklas, of whom none of us would have heard except she was associated with Gertrude Stein and some kind of a pop-culture thingy a few decades ago.
The field is wide-open, Birthday Boy. Make your mark on April 30! It’s a tabula rasa.
EFL Standings for 2017
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
RS |
RA |
| Cottage Cheese |
18 |
5 |
.777 |
— |
142.9 |
76.6 |
| Peshastin Pears |
17 |
8 |
.682 |
1.8 |
114.3 |
78.1 |
| Kaline Drive |
16 |
8 |
.656 |
2.6 |
112.8 |
81.7 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes |
14 |
8 |
.635 |
3.4 |
106.2 |
80.4 |
| Haviland Dragons |
14 |
10 |
.590 |
4.2 |
143.7 |
119.7 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
13 |
9 |
.584 |
4.5 |
96.0 |
81.1 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines |
10 |
12 |
.447 |
7.5 |
80.0 |
89.0 |
| Canberra Kangaroos |
10 |
14 |
.436 |
7.9 |
102.0 |
116.0 |
| D.C. Balk |
9 |
15 |
.395 |
8.9 |
119.2 |
147.4 |
| Portland Rosebuds |
9 |
16 |
.351 |
10.1 |
102.5 |
139.3 |
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Cottage: W, 5 – (-1). (.281, .324, .438; 10.7 ip, 0 er) You’d think it was the Head Cheese’s birthday, the way his pitchers got away with 10.7 shutout innings. That was Ivan Nova (!) doing a complete game shutout, plus some gratuitous scoreless relief.
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Peshastin: L, (-2) – 3. (.031, .114, .125; 14.3 ip, 5 er). I don’t know that a championship-aspiring team should be going 1 for 32 on the day, even if the one was a homer (by Khris Davis) and there were 3 walks thrown in. And if we expect the cosmos to treat a birthday boy generously, this doesn’t seem to point to the King Pear as our celebretant.
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Kaline: “W”, 4 – 6. (.269, .333, .404; 11.3 ip, 6 er). Kaline’s recent surge into contention, after what were probably the three worst first days of the season I have ever seen, has to feel like a gift, or at least a well-deserved boost from the cosmos. I mean, look at this: 2 for 4 with a homer and two walks from Aaron Judge. A Yankee! What good has ever come from New York Yankees? In fact, look at this more closely: would a kindly cosmos give a birthday boy a gift wrapped as a win with a shiny Yankee bow which, upon opening, is revealed to be really a loss?
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Flint Hill: L, 4 – 5. (.241, .333, .414; 5.3 ip, 3 er). A mediocre, unmemorable day. Sure, John Jaso homered, trying to drive Josh Bell out of the lineup, but that’s mere pettiness, not a birthday present. Unless we are ready to believe the universe is indifferent to our birthdays, this does not seem to have the hallmarks of a birthday bash.
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Haviland: L, 6 – 8. (.214 .353, .643; 1 ip, 1 er). Only 5 Dragons showed up to play yesterday. Three of them were hitters having decent days, OPSing 1.000 or better, although in Rizzo’s case that was only a home in 5 trips to the plate, about as weak as 1.000 can be. One was a hitter going 0 for 4, and the fifth was a relief pitcher providing relief to the wrong team. Again, not very birthday-esque.
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Pittsburgh: W, 9 – 3. (.382, .462, .676; 9 ip, 4 er). Well, here’s a nice day, popping up here in the dreary middle reaches of the standings. The Alleghenys certainly are moving forward nicely, the only team to match the Cheese stride-for-stride Saturday. I happen to know the Peak Allegheny (along with several of the rest of us) enjoyed a very pleasant day yesterday at the GF commencement, not being rained on and hearing a pretty good commencement speech from Robin Baker. But I don’t think it is anyone’s birthday among the Alleghenys.
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Old Detroit: “W”, 2 – 2. (.188, .235, .281; 6.3 ip, 1 er). Well, it’s not MY birthday. I happen to know this much. Although, getting an official win out of this does seem rather unmerited. Perhaps the birthday present was mis-addressed?
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Canberra: W, 10 – 6. (.355, .412, .903; 0 pitching). I just realized the whole premise of this post is wrong. TODAY is the birthday – hopeably a happy one! — but I’m using results from YESTERDAY to try to discern whose birthday it is. Yesterday wasn’t a special day. We need to watch TODAY’s results to see if the universe remembered our birthday boy’s special day. Oh, well, it’s too late now to go back and rewrite this entire post. I’d just better keep moving and wrap it up as prettily as I can. Hmm… I seem to be out of wrapping paper. No matter, I haven’t gotten this towel dirty yet.
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DC: L, 6 – 7. (.333, .378, .455; 6.3 ip, 1 er). Something is amiss here — Musgrove was the only Balk pitcher, he only allowed 1 earned run, and yet the database has saddled the Balk with almost 7 runs. There were two more innings of replacement relief, but that does not explain it. Unless I (or BP) made an error yesterday or earlier that is just now being fixed… Musgrove’s season totals are correct as of today. Anyway — would the cosmos treat the Balk this way if it someone in DC was celebrating his birthday today?
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Portland: L, 4 – 11. (.200, .333, .320; 6.7 ip, 8 er). Yikes! Jimmy Nelson surrendered 5 er in 5 ip. And then Jayson Aquino — fresh off his 0.3 ip, 3 earned run catastrophe Friday evening — came back to go 1.7 ip with 3 more earned runs. Wow. I think the Rosebuds need to revisit their human resources procedures, especially when it comes to firing employees. The Rosebuds tried to get rid of Aquino after Friday night’s debacle, but he came back and took his revenge Saturday evening. Wouldn’t it be something if he got put into the game again today! What nasty addition to his parting “gift” might he come up with? But this “gift” doesn’t seem like a birthday present, does it?
Anyway: please join me in wishing a happy birthday to our mystery EFL birthday boy!
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| New York Yankees |
15 |
7 |
.682 |
— |
| Baltimore Orioles |
14 |
8 |
.636 |
1 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes |
14 |
8 |
.635 |
1 |
| Boston Red Sox |
12 |
11 |
.522 |
3.5 |
| Tampa Bay Rays |
12 |
13 |
.480 |
4.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines |
10 |
12 |
.447 |
5.2 |
| Toronto Blue Jays |
7 |
17 |
.292 |
9 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Washington Nationals |
16 |
8 |
.667 |
— |
| Philadelphia Phillies |
11 |
11 |
.500 |
4 |
| Miami Marlins |
10 |
12 |
.455 |
5 |
| Atlanta Braves |
10 |
12 |
.455 |
5 |
| Canberra Kangaroos |
10 |
14 |
.436 |
5.5 |
| New York Mets |
10 |
13 |
.435 |
5.5 |
| D.C. Balk |
9 |
15 |
.395 |
6.5 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Chicago White Sox |
13 |
9 |
.591 |
— |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys |
13 |
9 |
.584 |
0.2 |
| Cleveland Indians |
12 |
10 |
.545 |
1 |
| Minnesota Twins |
11 |
11 |
.500 |
2 |
| Detroit Tigers |
11 |
12 |
.478 |
2.5 |
| Kansas City Royals |
7 |
15 |
.318 |
6 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Cottage Cheese |
18 |
5 |
.777 |
— |
| Chicago Cubs |
13 |
10 |
.565 |
4.9 |
| St. Louis Cardinals |
12 |
11 |
.522 |
5.9 |
| Milwaukee Brewers |
12 |
13 |
.480 |
6.9 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates |
11 |
12 |
.478 |
6.9 |
| Cincinnati Reds |
10 |
13 |
.435 |
7.9 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Kaline Drive |
16 |
8 |
.656 |
— |
| Houston Astros |
15 |
9 |
.625 |
0.7 |
| Haviland Dragons |
14 |
10 |
.590 |
1.6 |
| Los Angeles Angels |
13 |
13 |
.500 |
3.7 |
| Texas Rangers |
11 |
13 |
.458 |
4.7 |
| Oakland A’s |
11 |
13 |
.458 |
4.7 |
| Seattle Mariners |
11 |
14 |
.440 |
5.2 |
| TEAM |
WINS |
LOSSES |
PCT. |
GB |
| Peshastin Pears |
17 |
8 |
.682 |
— |
| Colorado Rockies |
16 |
9 |
.640 |
1 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks |
15 |
11 |
.577 |
2.5 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers |
13 |
12 |
.520 |
4 |
| San Diego Padres |
10 |
16 |
.385 |
7.5 |
| San Francisco Giants |
9 |
16 |
.360 |
8 |
| Portland Rosebuds |
9 |
16 |
.351 |
8.3 |
