League Updates

Comparative Suffering

This little note came across EFL Answer Man’s desk last evening:

Dear Mr. EFL Answer Man:

I know, nobody suffers like the Wolverines suffer. But $40 million to the DL in one day has to be a record.

— (Be)league(red) Leader

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Mr. Answer Man’s response is, in his typical fashion, dripping with compassion:

Dear B-Leaguer:

So you lost two players to the DL.  Quit your whining.  You still have $50,000,000 in payroll on the field.

 You mention the Wolverines — do you remember back in the golden age of the EFL when the Wolverines were seemingly always in contention?  We sure do.  Did anyone ever hear a word of complaining when they would suffer minor reversals?  Nothing but sunshine and daisies even when, in more recent years, they were about to be devoured by Dragons, as the Cheese are now. Nowadays not even a sigh of woe now that the W’s are deceased, body parts already strewn among several emergency rooms around the country before they, too, lost two players to the DL over the weekend — their best pitcher, and their only surviving second baseman.   Well, true, they are hopelessly dead, which interferes with sighing, but still…

Ok, ok, yes, you have suffered a minor reversal at a crucial moment — perhaps your last conscious moment before you are barbecued, masticated, and deposited in the Dragon digestive tract.  But even then, be respectful — you are only experiencing something the W’s suffered the last two years in a row.  And they came out fine… well, fine for a hopelessly dead team with body parts strewn… Oh, you’ve heard that already?

— Mr. EFL Answer Man

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EFL Standings for 2017
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Cottage Cheese 35 16 .684 284.4 190.2
Haviland Dragons 34 18 .653 1.4 314.4 228.6
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 29 18 .619 3.8 242.9 189.2
Kaline Drive 31 21 .588 4.8 242.5 203.9
Portland Rosebuds 31 22 .580 5.2 296.0 243.0
Flint Hill Tornadoes 28 20 .584 5.3 214.6 179.3
Peshastin Pears 30 23 .563 6.1 259.5 236.8
Canberra Kangaroos 27 23 .545 7.1 247.4 223.1
Old Detroit Wolverines 20 28 .412 13.6 185.7 223.9
D.C. Balk 18 32 .361 16.3 234.7 312.8
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Cottage: W 1, L 1; 12 – 13. And this was partly BEFORE Trout and Duffy hit the DL. 
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Haviland: W 2, L 0;  13 – 7.  With all that Cheesy talent on the shelf, the path is clear for the Dragon Restoration and the bloody end of the EFL Spring.  Well, it’s Cheese, so not bloody. Milky? Curdy?Whey-ey?  Gross, anyway.
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Pittsburgh: W 1, L 1; 14 – 12. 
Kaline: W 2, L 0; 13- 8. 
Portland: W 2, L 0; 17 – 3
Flint Hill:W 1, L 1; 5 – 6. 
Peshastin: W 1, L 1; 15 – 15. 
Canberra: W 0, L 2; 2 – 10. 
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Old Detroit: W 1, L 1; 6 – 9.  As mentioned, the W’s lost their best pitcher (Alex Wood) over the weekend. They also lost their last surviving second baseman, Kolton Wong to the DL.  They only lost one of their two surviving outfielders, Gregory Polanco, to a walking boot and maybe still a stint on the DL. (Kyle Schwarber is supposedly an outfielder, but he hasn’t had a hit in a week and is batting .133 for May.) The W’s today have available only 8 MLB position players (including no second basemen) and 6 active MLB pitchers (only three of them activated as starters).  Total cost for these 14 players: $47,750,000. Total on the DL or in the minors or wearing a walking boot, or being paid to lounge around the house in unofficial retirement: $41,000,000. Total paid as welfare to other teams: $1,500,000.  The Cheese pay  more to non-roster players ($4,500, 000) and probably more to injured ones (Duffy and Trout totalling $40,750,000 all by themselves).   So I am not complaining.  The Cheese are suffering so much worse, assuming dollars are constant units of utilitarian value.
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Here, while I’m in this uncomplaining mode, is the list of the current status of my pitchers presented for your entertainment.:
Armstong:  Active
Bumgarner: DL
DeSclafani:  DL
Greene:  Active
Heaney: DL
Hill: just off the DL
Jones: DL
Kluber:  DL
Liriano:  DL
Meyer:  Active
Moore: Active
Paulino:  Minors
Richard:  Active
Skaggs: DL
Whalen:  DL
Wood:  DL
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To be fair, Heaney was already on the DL when spring training started. So he hasn’t become injured this season.
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DC: W 1, L 1; 10 – 9.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
New York Yankees 29 19 .604
Flint Hill Tornadoes 28 20 .584 1
Boston Red Sox 27 23 .540 3
Baltimore Orioles 26 23 .531 3.5
Tampa Bay Rays 28 26 .519 4
Toronto Blue Jays 24 27 .471 6.5
Old Detroit Wolverines 20 28 .412 9.2
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Washington Nationals 31 19 .620
Canberra Kangaroos 27 23 .545 3.8
Atlanta Braves 22 27 .449 8.5
New York Mets 22 27 .449 8.5
Miami Marlins 19 30 .388 11.5
D.C. Balk 18 32 .361 13
Philadelphia Phillies 17 32 .347 13.5
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 29 18 .619
Minnesota Twins 26 21 .553 3.1
Cleveland Indians 26 23 .531 4.1
Chicago White Sox 24 26 .480 6.6
Detroit Tigers 24 27 .471 7.1
Kansas City Royals 21 29 .420 9.6
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Cottage Cheese 35 16 .684
Milwaukee Brewers 27 24 .529 7.9
St. Louis Cardinals 24 24 .500 9.4
Chicago Cubs 25 25 .500 9.4
Cincinnati Reds 24 26 .480 10.4
Pittsburgh Pirates 24 28 .462 11.4
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Houston Astros 36 16 .692
Haviland Dragons 34 18 .653 2
Kaline Drive 31 21 .588 5.4
Texas Rangers 25 27 .481 11
Los Angeles Angels 26 28 .481 11
Seattle Mariners 23 29 .442 13
Oakland A’s 22 28 .440 13
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Colorado Rockies 33 20 .623
Los Angeles Dodgers 32 20 .615 0.5
Arizona Diamondbacks 31 22 .585 2
Portland Rosebuds 31 22 .580 2.3
Peshastin Pears 30 23 .563 3.2
San Francisco Giants 22 31 .415 11
San Diego Padres 20 33 .377 13

2 Comments

  • >do you remember back in the golden age of the EFL when the Wolverines were seemingly always in contention?

    We sure do remember when the league was dominated by oversized lizards, mounds of dirt, and small annoying critters. We don’t often (read EVER) refer to it as the golden age. And it doesn’t take much in the way of memory skills – in fact it’s all we’ve ever known.

    So many of us were looking on 2017 as the new Renaissance, perhaps even Reformation, of the EFL. A chance for tasty food items to lead the way into a beautiful, more competitive future.

    Fortunately for the rest of us, the DL sentences (thus far) are not permanent. Yeah, Trout’s surgically repaired thumb may not provide the power we’ve become accustomed to. Duffy’s oblique may have further obliqations. But eventually they’ll be back.

    And consider this: How long will people like Zack Cosart and Neil Walker be able to keep their superhero costumes on? How long until the DL beckons to a Dragon?

    I predict a second-half return to glory for the Cheese.

  • Yes, well, I made another mistake in my post. Whalen isn’t on the DL. He’s only in the minors.