Some classic table games use random events to spice things up. Some of the worst games are entirely strings of random events. By the third time you play Candyland (or within 20 minutes of beginning, whichever comes first) you are utterly bored. Just to survive my kids’ pre-school years, I made up modified rules for Chutes and Ladders, Life, and Game of the States to inject at least a hint of strategic choice.
In other games random events work better. Monopoly cards don’t ruin what is still at root a game of strategy. The cards generate suspense and give those who have fallen behind a reason to nurse faint hopes.
Nevertheless, I have tended to see random events as flaws in games, unfortunate accommodations to those in the market who believe in luck. Why couldn’t Candyland or the EFL be more like chess? Why is it ok for Alex Meyer go on the DL two hours after I used my last roster move to increase his playing time?
But I have only just now realized that MLB baseball has its own Chance cards. Injuries work this way. They can happen anytime. There isn’t a special day on the calendar marked “Injury!”. Your player might get hurt by any of the 2500 pitches he faces in a season. Or he might slip in the shower. Or it might be a non-descript mid-week day when he goes dirt biking despite a solemn 5 -year, $51,250,000 promise not to.
We in the EFL are also affected by trades we had nothing to do with. Flint Hills is stuck with Todd Frazier because it can’t get its hands on the other two major leaguers the White Sox gave up in the Frazier deal. A couple of years ago, Pittsburgh got to dump Shelby Miller for Dansby Swanson, Ender Inciarte, and Aaron Blair because the Diamondbacks were being run by dufusses (dufi?) who badly overestimated Miller’s worth. Pittsburgh didn’t do more to deserve its haul for Miller than Flint Hill did to deserve getting something for Frazier. In fact, Flint Hill was the one that did more: acquiring Frazier and keeping him out of trade deals with other EFL owners because of a specific plan to scoop up prospects when Frazier got traded.
Is this fair? The Alleghenys win a treasure trove accidentally, without much effort, while the Tornados work hard and cleverly but reap the empty whirlwind? We’d never let this happen in chess…. unless…
…unless the Alleghenys were shrewder than we’re giving them credit for. Maybe they acquired Shelby Miller from those chumps in Old Detroit because they knew he was exceptionally likely to be a traded and re-traded itinerant.
I don’t know. But I saw a headline on mlbtraderumors that, if it turns out to be true, will entirely revolutionize my view of random event cards:
Royals Discussing Francisco Liriano With Blue Jays
Yay Royals! Come on Royals! Go for it Royals! (I’ve never rooted for the Royals so passionately!)
| EFL | ||||||
| Team | Wins | Losses | Pct. | GB | RS | RA |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 66 | 33 | .664 | — | 574.9 | 402.4 |
| Cottage Cheese | 65 | 35 | .650 | 1.2 | 542.2 | 393.3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 65 | 36 | .646 | 1.5 | 616.8 | 456.2 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 66 | 37 | .637 | 2 | 542.5 | 407.7 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 61 | 41 | .601 | 5.9 | 600.7 | 479.2 |
| Kaline Drive | 59 | 42 | .584 | 7.7 | 509.9 | 427.4 |
| Peshastin Pears | 56 | 46 | .554 | 10.7 | 503.2 | 458.9 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 51 | 52 | .495 | 16.7 | 500.1 | 491.2 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 46 | 53 | .469 | 19.3 | 458.6 | 491.8 |
| D.C. Balk | 36 | 63 | .365 | 29.5 | 475.4 | 629.0 |
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Pittsburgh: W, 10 – 3. (.395, .435, .698; 6 ip, 3 er). JD Martinez is taking to the desert air in Phoenix, judging by his 2 homer day yesterday. On the other hand, Dansby Swanson can be forgiven if he seems a little confused e went 2 for 4 with a double, followed immediately by a demotion from the Braves to AAA.
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Cottage: W (-1), L (-1); (-16) – (-11). (.250, .245, .438; 14 ip, 1 er). The Time Lords are still messing with the Cheese. They get scintillating pitching from Alex Cobb and Luis Severino (albeit with so-so hitting) but the benefit disappears into the wrinkles in time set off by the quantum interactions of Yankees and Red Sox orbiting each other asynchronously.
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Haviland: L, 4 – 11. (.240, .286, .440; 18 ip, 15 er). Yikes! The Dragons’ wheels are falling off. Only 27 plate appearances when you need at least 28 perfectly-allocated PA’s per game. No replacement AB’s have appeared yet, but the margin is thinning. And ten that woeful pitching. See? This is what happens when you build your success around voodoo or any other of the dark arts. Someday the mojo disappears.
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Flint Hill: W 2, L (-1); 14 – 1. (.314, .397, .804; 8.3 ip, 1 er). The Cheese are entangled with a wormhole. The Dragons are collapsing from mojo-exhaustion. So the Tornados leapt into action yesterday with ferocious pitching and thundering hitting — led by, of all people, Todd Frazier (2 for 3 with a homer)! Talk about a twister of a story line: the moment he is no longer vulnerable to being traded out of Flint Hill to some real city, Frazier unleashes his potential. Can he (and the other 8 Tornados who OPSed over 1.000 Wednesday) take the fight to the Alleghenys? Well, they gained 0.7 games yesterday, the only team not to lose ground to the A’s.
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Portland: W, 3 – (-1) (.219, .324, .406; 14 ip, 2 er). Wow. It must be nice, it must be nice, to have 14 innings of sterling pitching. Also to have Paul Goldschmidt and is 2 doubles in 2 AB plus three walks. The rest of the Rosebuds batted only .167, .219, .300.
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Kaline: L, 3 – 5. (.294, .286, .353; 5.7 ip, 2 er). As you move away from the fire and storms atop the league, things come in quieter packages. No one homered for the Drive. No one walked. They just went 10 for 34 with two doubles. No one pitched brilliantly. They just got a good job done albeit covering only 5.7 innings. This is not how championships are won but the Drive seem destined to finish comfortably above .500.
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Peshastin; L, 8 – 10. (.318, .362, .545; 12.7 ip, 8 er) More evidence that the Pears aren’t really in the Drive’s neighborhood anymore: Peshastin had a stormy time yesterday. Six hitters (including former Wolverines Jackie Bradley Jr and Carlos Santana) OPSed 1.000 or better to lead a powerful offense. But Cam Bedrosian uncorked a massive Royal Chulk (0.3 ip, 5 er) to undo all that. Trevor Williams could have saved the day, but his 6 ip, 1 er was 100% inactive.
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Old Detroit: W, 6 – 5. (.212, .333, .485; 7 ip, 4 er). The Marlins pounded the Rangers 22 – 10 Wednesday. You would think all those runs would show up somewhere in the EFL, but we are under-represented in the Marlins lineup. Only two EFLers participated in the feast: the Pears’ JT Realmuto went 3 for 6 with a homer and a double. And the Wolverines’ Christian Yelich went 4 for 5 with a homer, three doubles, and a walk.
You’d think all that Yelichian offense would show up in massive Wolverine scoring but the rest of the offense only managed 3 for 28 with a homer and 5 walks (.107, .242, .214). So, no. We still got a win, but as the primary victim of Haviland’s early magic, shouldn’t we be surging now that the magic is gone?
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Canberra: W (-1), L 2; 2 – 8. (.229, .263, .343; 6.7 ip, 6 er). Steven Matz made a chulky mess (3 ip, 6 er). Brock Stewart got part of it cleaned up (3.7 scoreless innings), but didn’t get much help from the offense.
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DC: L, 3 – 4. (.231, .225, .410; 1 ip,, 0 er). The EFL didn’t get many walks yesterday — three teams had OBPs lower than their batting average because they had no walks but they did have sacrifice flies. That one lone inning, so brave and insufficient? It was by Sam Dyson. Poignant.