League Updates Uncategorized

Memo to the Commissioner

Memo to:  The Right Honorable EFL Commissioner

From:        Mr. EFL Answer Man

Re:             Competitive Balance Concerns

Date:         September 30, 2017

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As you requested, sir, I have researched possible measures to restore competitive balance between the EFL and the MLB to avoid humiliating those poor wretches any further. And I have given special attention to possible punishments for Pittsburgh should the Alleghenys break the Mariners’ sacred record of 116 wins in a season. I will send you my full report on those options as soon as I apply some finishing touches.

Before you see that report I want to raise a few points in defense of the EFL owners. Any group of 10 ambitious people is likely to have a bad apple or two.  But before you settle on a package of “reforms” I want to raise a few points to consider that might help us temper our legitimate concerns with commendable empathy for our owners – or at least, most of them.

(By the way, sir, I commend your wisdom in abandoning “divine retribution”, “infinite justice”, and “draining the swamp” in favor of “reforms” to describe the changes you will be proposing. While each of your earlier terms does reflect some aspect of either your character, motives, or natural concern for the current state of the Wolverines, they all would have had unfortunate and avoidable public relations effects.)

       First, as to overall competitive balance with MLB teams:  The EFL will end up with 3 teams winning more than 100 games. MLB now has three teams with over 100 wins. This is unusual, but it has happened before.  In 1998, three MLB teams had 100 wins:

NYY:  114

ATL:   106

HOU: 102

In 2002 there were three again:

NYY:      103

OAK:     103

ATL:      101

In 2003, it happened again, with the Yankees and the Braves each winning 101 and the Giants taking 100 wins. In 1977, the Royals (102), Phillies (101), and Yankees (100) all topped 100 wins.

        That 1998 MLB result, before the birth of the EFL, looks reasonably similar to this year’s EFL result. True, the 1998 MLB season involved 30 teams while our EFL only has 10. But some allowance has to be made, sir, for the comparative intellectual abilities of EFL owners compared to MLB moguls. We may have more advanced degrees among our 10 owners (I count 15 at least) than among all 30 of the MLB’s principal owners!  (And don’t get me started on the likely comparison between the combined intellect of the GFU faculty and staff to that of the classic Greek philosophers who still demand so much attention in academe… let’s just say Aristotle, Plato and Socrates might have qualified to constitute a single small department in our institution, had they been in the same generation.) (Our owners would have dominated an Athenian Philosophers Fantasy League.)

         Our result this year will be reminiscent of the EFL result in 2010 when the Alleghenys won 108, the Dragons 105, and the Wolverines 104.  True, there was a pennant race almost down to the wire, but otherwise the EFL/MLB balance was worse that year. The Yankees at 103 wins were the only MLB team over 100 wins.  So the ratio of 100+ teams in 2010 was 3:1 in favor of the EFL. This year it will be 1:1.

         The ratio of total EFL to MLB wins in excess of 100 was 17:3 in 2009. This year, with two games to go, it is  21:3 – but it is unlikely to be so lopsided Monday morning.

         Second, as to the sorry state of our 2017 EFL pennant race:  this is not the worst ever.  In 2007, as you no doubt vividly remember, your Wolverines had to rally at the very end of the season to avoid losing by 20 games, in second place to the Alleghenys.  And consider MLB this year:  division leaders (not counting EFL teams) have leads of 21, 21, 17, 10, 6, and 2 games. The A’s lead in the EFL is well under the average.

          Once you include EFL teams, we decrease those MLB gaps in four divisions, by as much as 16 games. We increase the gap only in two divisions – and only one of those is a dramatic increase.

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Now let me offer some notes on competitive balance and each of the EFL teams.

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EFL Standings for 2017
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 114 46 .713 938.6 586.1
Flint Hill Tornadoes 104 56 .648 10.4 814.4 599.8
Haviland Dragons 103 57 .641 11.5 922.9 688.3
Cottage Cheese 98 62 .612 16.2 854.8 676.3
Portland Rosebuds 95 65 .592 19.4 909.2 744.1
Kaline Drive 92 68 .574 22.2 821.2 704.7
Peshastin Pears 89 71 .555 25.3 791.3 715.9
Old Detroit Wolverines 83 77 .520 30.9 786.5 741.9
Canberra Kangaroos 78 82 .486 36.2 774.1 796.9
D.C. Balk 61 99 .383 52.7 760.3 965.4
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Pittsburgh: W 2, L 0; 2 – 1.  Mr. Commissioner, recall what I noted above, all the mitigating considerations you should consider when deciding a response.  Now when it comes to the Allegheny’s here’s what all that means:  NOTHING! The Alleghenys cannot be coddled.  Their 114+ wins would be without modern precedent if it weren’t for the 1998 Yankees and the 2001 Mariners. They are historically the EFL team that most thoroughly dominates MLB.  After that 2010 season with the 108 Allegheny wins, you acted! You made two or three rule tweaks that  helped restore EFL/ML  competitive balance. But it wasn’t enough. You didn’t target the Alleghenys directly that time. This year you should have some options in case the A’s surpass the M’s 2001 116-win mark. I know where we can get the  latest hypersonic equipment from Cuba…
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Flint Hill: W 1, L 1; 2 – 10.  Flint Hill has already won 104 games, 23 more than last year.  So from last year to this, Flint Hill has done even more than Pittsburgh to worsen EFL/MLB competitive balance. Clearly success like that should not go unpunished or other people will try to duplicate it. But how to do it? Let me think about this…
Haviland: W 2, L 0; 6 – 5.  There is a little drama left here.  Can the Tornadoes get back under 10 games behind? Can Haviland catch the Tornados? Is this Tornado top two or three finish the sign of a maturing candidate to replace the W’s in the Triumvirate, or is it a fluke? One thing is clear — by finishing with 2 to 4 more wins than last year, the Dragons are comparatively innocent of adding to competitive imbalance compared to last year.
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Cottage: W 2, L 0; 17 – 8. Here’s a headline: Cheese Make Season’s Biggest Contribution to Worsening Competitive Imbalance. This is because the Cottage has already garnered 98 wins — a massive 30-win increase from last year.  And yet we reward such behavior by letting him ascend from 9th place to 4th!  On top of that, here’s an ominous bit of news: the Head Cheese has retired from his other job, effective Sept 28!  Once he gets back from his celebratory travels, he’ll be able to finally concentrate on his team. You should probably send him a note of congratulations, Commissioner. No, no, you cannot poison it. Having to read your writing is punishment enough… aha! We can punish relentless competitive imbalancers by condemning them to a season of Commissioner-authored updates!  That’ll get their attention.
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Portland: W 2, L (-1); 15 – 4. Have you noticed how the Cheese and the Rosebuds are trying to devalue the draft picks they traded you? I know you’d like to wreak vengeance on them, but I suggest a different approach. Use it as an opportunity to visibly take the high road in the EFL/MLB competitive balance campaign: your own dearly bought draft picks are losing value, yet you take it stoically, consoled by the good you are doing for the sake of competitive balance. Mention how you are proud to take this opportunity to join your fellow owners in sacrificing for the good of the league, as all will be asked to do this offseason. (You can wreak your vengeance on the field of play next year.  And I wouldn’t mind getting in a dig or two in next year’s updates if that would be of help.) By the way, the Rosebuds have clearly tried to reign in their competitive imbalancing impulses. So far they’re still one win short of last year’s total.  We are all proud of our Rosebuds.
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Kaline: W 1 L 1; 8 – 8. The Wizard has always hewed to a moderate path in this league . He spends most of his time with his team firmly lodged amidships in our league standings. He thereby escapes the Commissioner’s attention when he’s on the competitive balance warpath. But you might want to keep an eye on him. He’s already won 17 more games than he did last year, with two to go.
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Peshastin: W 2 L (-1); 4 – (-4). The Pears have so far won 1 more game than last year. Their contribution to declining competitive balance is minimal. Last year the average EFL team won 85.3 games. This year, with 2 games left to play, the average EFL team has won 91.7 
Old Detroit: W 1, L 1; 8 – 9. I know, your excellency, how discouraged you are with this year’s Wolverines, now over 30 games off the pace. But consider it this way:  you have done more to advance EFL/MLB competitive balance than anyone in the league!   Last year you finished 100 – 62 0.7 games out of first. This year you will finish with about 15 fewer wins.  No one else has fallen so far, so fast this year. You are the league leader in Competitive Balancing.  If you create a  Competitive Balancer Of the Year award (the CBOY) you will be the obvious first award winner.
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Canberra: W 1, L 1; 8 – 7. The Kangaroos have 12 fewer wins than last year. They are like a junior CBOY. Maybe someday they can follow in your footsteps — although a 15 or 20 game further decline next year would make Kangaroo fans pretty miserable.
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DC: W 0, L 2; 5 – 11. The Balk have already won 2 more games than last year. But due to the Allegheny’s blatant disregard of competitive balance, the Ba have clearly committed to doing their best to support a proper competitive balance. (Psst! Balks! Go ahead an win your last two games if you’d like. I’ll cover for you if the Commissioner is displeased.)
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ORIGINAL ORDER CURRENT ORDER 1st RD Draft Pos
Pittsburgh Alleghenys Peshastin Pears 30
Flint Hill Tornadoes Flint Hill 29
Haviland Dragons Portland Rosebuds 28
Cottage Cheese Old Detritus Woeverines 26
Portland Rosebuds Old Detritus Woeverines 24
Kaline Drive Peshastin Pears 22
Peshastin Pears Kaline Drive 20
Old Detroit Wolverines Peshastin Pears 17
Canberra Kangaroos Canberra Kangaroos 13
D.C. Balk DC Balk 1
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Flint Hill Tornadoes 104 56 .648
Boston Red Sox 92 68 .575 11.6
New York Yankees 90 70 .563 13.6
Old Detroit Wolverines 83 77 .520 20.5
Tampa Bay Rays 78 82 .488 25.6
Baltimore Orioles 75 85 .469 28.6
Toronto Blue Jays 75 85 .469 28.6
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Washington Nationals 97 63 .606
Canberra Kangaroos 78 82 .486 19.2
Miami Marlins 76 84 .475 21
Atlanta Braves 71 89 .444 26
New York Mets 69 91 .431 28
Philadelphia Phillies 65 95 .406 32
D.C. Balk 61 99 .383 35.7
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 114 46 .713
Cleveland Indians 101 59 .631 13.1
Minnesota Twins 84 76 .525 30.1
Kansas City Royals 78 81 .491 35.6
Chicago White Sox 66 94 .413 48.1
Detroit Tigers 63 97 .394 51.1
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Cottage Cheese 98 62 .612
Chicago Cubs 91 69 .569 6.9
Milwaukee Brewers 85 75 .531 12.9
St. Louis Cardinals 82 78 .513 15.9
Pittsburgh Pirates 73 87 .456 24.9
Cincinnati Reds 67 93 .419 30.9
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Haviland Dragons 103 57 .641
Houston Astros 100 60 .625 2.6
Kaline Drive 92 68 .574 10.8
Los Angeles Angels 79 81 .494 23.6
Seattle Mariners 77 83 .481 25.6
Texas Rangers 77 83 .481 25.6
Oakland A’s 74 86 .463 28.6
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Los Angeles Dodgers 102 58 .638
Portland Rosebuds 95 65 .592 7.3
Arizona Diamondbacks 92 68 .575 10
Peshastin Pears 89 71 .555 13.2
Colorado Rockies 87 73 .544 15
San Diego Padres 70 90 .438 32
San Francisco Giants 63 97 .394 39

 

1 Comment

  • Friends:

    I have just significantly revised and updated today’s crucial update on competitive balance. The update includes a passage suggesting a new CBOY award. You should read it.

    I apologize for the unpolished nature of the original post. I hastily posted it because I needed to quickly get ready for a possible drive to Spokane when the parent who was planning to drive some of Sam’s soccer team had a family emergency. Fortunately the other parent was able to drive after all.