League Updates

Feed me, Seymour!

I think I’ve seen this movie already.  Cute little plant life form grows into terrifying, ravenous carnivore, who demands (in song)  “Feed me, Seymour!” to his caretaker.  The audience knows it’s only a matter of time until the comma disappears from the demand.

Which it is just about to do right here in the EFL.

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EFL Standings for 2018
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Old Detroit Wolverines 86 49 .636 661.7 492.6
Portland Rosebuds 85 49 .636 0.1 716.0 530.3
Brookland Outs 77 56 .582 7.5 706.2 600.4
Canberra Kangaroos 72 61 .545 12.4 619.0 568.6
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 70 63 .527 14.8 701.9 669.6
Flint Hill Tornadoes 68 67 .506 17.6 610.8 600.9
Haviland Dragons 66 68 .493 19.3 612.0 617.3
Cottage Cheese 66 67 .493 19.3 646.0 653.3
Kaline Drive 64 70 .478 21.3 585.2 611.9
Peshastin Pears 62 72 .465 23.1 572.1 615.8
D.C. Balk 57 76 .429 27.8 570.4 658.6
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Old Detroit:  W, 7 – 7. (40 PA, .278, .350, .472; 11 ip, 7 er, 5.73 ERA).  You probably are thinking, “there goes our Commissioner again, obsessing about his sorry, doomed team.” And you’d be right.  But not 100% right.  Something  is afoot: the Wolverines are playing like someone’s been  drinking their blood, little by little. What will happen when the W’s are drained dry?  One of you will be next. And I don’t want that to happen to any of you.
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Portland: W, 11 – 1. (30 PA, .440, .500, .800; 14.7 ip, 3 er, 1.84 ERA). Look at those ominously round numbers on the batting line: .440, .500, .800. Does that look right to you, like the results of a natural, semi-random baseball game?  Not to me, either. What about Robbie Ray pitching 5.3 ip with only 1 er? Wasn’t he on the DL most of the season?  Is it probable that he’s just naturally or randomly risen from the dead so completely — against the Dodgers?
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There’s another song in “Little Shop of Horrors.”  It goes like this
Better wait a minute,
Better hold the phone,
Better mind your manners,
Better change your tone!
You’re in trouble now
You don’t know what you’re messing with
…ee
But I’m gonna tell you now
I’m just a mean green mother from outer space
And I’m bad
I’m just a mean green mother from outer space
And it looks like you been had
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I wish I had the Lamenter’s talent to turn this into something.
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Brookland: L, 3 – 4.  (38 PA. .291 .342. .344;  7.3 ip, 3 er, 3.68 ERA). Don’t you wonder why the Outs linger 7 games out? Why aren’t they swooping in for the kill?  After all, they have Manny Machado, and he went 2 for 3 with a homer and a walk. And yet they didn’t move any closer to first place. Isn’t it possible they know precisely what those “Rosebuds” really are?
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Canberra: “L”, 4 – 4. (24 PA, .286, .310, .429; 8 ip, 3 er, 3.38 ERA). If only Wade LeBlanc could be enlisted against the “Rosebuds” before they take over… he went 7 scoreless innings for the hapless Mariners.
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Pittsburgh: W,  7 – 6.  (33 PA, .286, .364, .429; 7 ip, 4 er, 5.14 ERA). Frankie Montas, on the other hand, handed the Mariners a 5 run first innings (with a little help — we’ll get to that) last night.  I am touched at the Allegheneys’ generosity toward the Mariners, although two of those runs were unearned.
Flint Hill: L, 8 – 8. (22 PA, .400, .455, .550; 2 ip, 3 er, 13.50 ERA).  The OBP and Slugging went very well yesterday, among the six Tornados who showed up to hit. When you have only 20 AB, a single homer goes a long way (.150 points) toward polishing your SLG.
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Haviland: “L”, 5 – 4. (17 PA, .250, .294, .500; 3.3 ip, 0 er 0.00 ERA). Miguel Sano homered.  He leads the Dragons with 6 August homers, although his OPS is only average for the team: .745.  In 103 plate appearances he has 12 walks and 35 strikeouts (another category where he leads the team).  Juan Soto has 118 plate appearances.  He is second on the team in strikeouts (31) but leads the team in walks (23!).
Cottage L, 1 – 9. (19 PA, .059, .158, .059; no pitching). The Cheese were hardly even there.  Six showed up to play, two of whom only hit once. Yoan Moncada led the offense with a hit and a walk in four plate appearances.
Kaline: L, (-1) – 7. (37 PA, .111, .135, .111; 1 ip 0 er). The Cheese sort of mimicked the Drive, who had twice as many plate appearances and four times as many hits, but half the number of walks. Hunter Renfroe got half of the Drive hits (2) while Neal Walker got another one, plus the one walk.
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Peshastin: “L”, 4 – 3. (17 PA., .235, .235, .471; 7.3 ip, 1 er) Wade Miley came through for the Pears.  This does not happen very much, you know. Miley’s ERA for Thursday was 1.23. For August it’s an impressive 2.86. For the year it’s 2.18 over 57.7 innings. Wow!  As a former mostly content Wade Miley owner, I like seeing him thrive.
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DC: L, 2 – 4.  (26 PA, .167, .231, .208; 19.3 ip, 9 er).  The Balk didn’t win but they turned out in good volume for a short-scheduled day. Liriano and Musgrove struggled on the mound (10.3 ip, 9 er), but Clevinger picked up a lot of the slack (6.7 ip, 0 er).
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Ok. I lingered over this update longer than I meant to.  I will now go look, very gingerly,  at some Friday box scores to see if the W’s tenure atop the league has already ended.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2018
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Boston Red Sox 93 42 .689
Old Detroit Wolverines 86 49 .636 7.1
New York Yankees 84 50 .627 8.5
Tampa Bay Rays 71 62 .534 21
Flint Hill Tornadoes 68 67 .506 24.7
Toronto Blue Jays 60 73 .451 32
Baltimore Orioles 40 94 .299 52.5
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Atlanta Braves 74 59 .556
Canberra Kangaroos 72 61 .545 1.5
Philadelphia Phillies 71 62 .534 3
Washington Nationals 67 67 .500 7.5
New York Mets 59 74 .444 15
D.C. Balk 57 76 .429 16.9
Miami Marlins 53 81 .396 21.5
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Cleveland Indians 76 57 .571
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 70 63 .527 5.9
Minnesota Twins 62 71 .466 14
Detroit Tigers 54 80 .403 22.5
Chicago White Sox 53 81 .396 23.5
Kansas City Royals 42 91 .316 34
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Chicago Cubs 79 54 .594
Brookland Outs 77 56 .582 1.6
St. Louis Cardinals 75 59 .560 4.5
Milwaukee Brewers 75 60 .556 5
Cottage Cheese 66 67 .493 13.4
Pittsburgh Pirates 65 69 .485 14.5
Cincinnati Reds 57 77 .425 22.5
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Houston Astros 82 52 .612
Oakland A’s 80 55 .593 2.5
Seattle Mariners 75 59 .560 7
Haviland Dragons 66 68 .493 15.9
Los Angeles Angels 65 69 .485 17
Kaline Drive 64 70 .478 17.9
Texas Rangers 58 76 .433 24
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Portland Rosebuds 85 49 .636
Arizona Diamondbacks 74 60 .552 11.3
Colorado Rockies 72 61 .541 12.8
Los Angeles Dodgers 72 62 .537 13.3
San Francisco Giants 67 68 .496 18.8
Peshastin Pears 62 72 .465 22.9
San Diego Padres 53 83 .390 33.3