Seven Essential EFL Questions

So I have some questions about  the EFL this year.  I’ve listed several, with my speculations.  I invite you to offer your own answers in the comments, and your own questions.

1.  Of the tall, lanky, hyped young outfielders who have struggled in the majors, which one will have the best season this year:  Byron Buxton or Lewis Brinson?
   •  Brinson is 5 months younger. He batted .199, .240, .338 in 406 MLB PA last year. He is 6′ 3″, 195 lbs. He is OPSing .904 in spring training.
   • Buxton has two extra years of big league experience.  He batted .156, .183, .200 last year in 94 MLB plate appearances.  He is OPSing 1.396 in spring training.  He is 6′ 2″, 190 lbs.
   •  My heart says “Brinson!” My brain says… or, was going to say something until it saw the look on my heart’s face.
2. Roster Resource, Baseball Prospectus, and Fangraphs all predict the starting Washington Nationals OF will comprise Adam Eaton (batting 1st), Ronald Acuna Juan Soto (corrected after Phil’s comment) (batting 3rd), and Victor Robles (batting 9th).  All three of those worthies are Peshastin Pears. Has any other EFL team ever had all three starting outfielders from one MLB team?
   • I will insist this has never happened before until someone proves me wrong.
3.  Which Urias phenom will have the better season:  Julio the Pear pitcher, or Luis the Wolverine infielder?
   • Fangraphs says Luis! 2.3 WAR to 0.9 WAR for Julio.
   • BP has Julio ahead, 1.5 WARP to 1.4.
4. What foul bigotry is afoot in DC, that compels them to draft no pitchers whose last names begin with a letter in the last half of the alphabet?  The last name on the Balk pitching roster is Musgrove.  Alphabetic elitism runs rampant in our nation’s capital.
   • Balk, you should study the ways of the Kangaroos, whose bullpen runs the full gamut from Allard to Zamora.  Whose team will do better — the one welcoming anyone regardless of initial, or the one holding to outdated views of alphabetic superiority?
5. Which German pitcher will have the best EFL season? Dragon Domingo German is slated for a 4.00 ERA and 0.7 WARP in BP, and 4.51 ERA and 0.4 WAR in Fangraphs.  Rosebud German Marquez is up for a 3.86 ERA and 3.5 WAR in Fangraphs, and a 3.28 ERA and a 3.0 WAR in BP.
   • Sorry, old man, youth is passing us all by lately.
6.  Beneath his kindly exterior the Wizard of Whidbey is running a mobster franchise.  For example, do you know what caused Drive ace Michael Fulmer to hit the DL for Tommy John surgery? The answer is in plain sight, in the Drive roster where you can read — just use your eyes — the following confession: “Cedeno Fried Fulmer.”
   • There are other encrypted warnings we ignore at our own peril if we venture onto the Wizard’s enchanted isle. Can you find them?
     • Todd Frazier needs to watch out, lest the prophecy come to pass: Farmer Flores Frazier (made all the scarier by how the sage erroneously spells “Floors”)!
     • After all AJ has been through lately no one wants to see Parra Pearce Pollock.
7.  So if you ever venture north of Seattle, and are worried about the dangers lurking near the Wizard’s Whidbey Island, you’ll be happy to know our newest franchise in nearby Bellingham offers sanctuary. For example, in Bellingham, Miley Shields Stammen.  And if McCann Pence Szczur, Szczur Tellez Turner immediately, maybe even before he escapes!   Furthermore, they hold each other accountable there in Bellingham. If Gio lets the team down, the consequences are already laid out for all to see:  Delgado Fiers Gonzalez.
   • If my team only composes one lame (and false) sentence (Henson Hedges Jimenez), is that a sign of  roster construction incompetence?  Someone should do a study.
   • Actually, as things stand, Henson is my emergency utility player.  So it IS true that Henson (sort of) Hedges Jimenez.  I feel much better about myself.