It may seem early for a final, not even into May yet. But this has been the longest “April” in EFL history! After tonight’s games, there will be EFL teams with 32 games in the books already. That’s 1/5 of the season! Well, less than 4 innings short of 1/5 of the season. And if you are one of those one teams who didn’t arrange for a left-handed reliever who to pitch in the major leagues (ahem, Mr. Pazos), then you know what I know: this month has been a brutal marathon.
Also, I am writing this while giving a final.
So clearly it is more than time for a good retaliation-against-the-world, poor-students-are-just-collateral-damage final exam.
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EFL Standings for 2019
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 18 | 10 | .659 | — | 172.0 | 123.8 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 20 | 11 | .638 | 0.2 | 200.4 | 151.0 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 18 | 10 | .650 | 0.3 | 183.4 | 134.7 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 15 | 11 | .584 | 2.3 | 133.9 | 113.0 |
| Kaline Drive | 14 | 15 | .481 | 5 | 97.6 | 101.4 |
| Peshastin Pears | 15 | 16 | .480 | 5.1 | 152.7 | 159.0 |
| Cottage Cheese | 12 | 16 | .446 | 5.9 | 140.3 | 156.3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 12 | 17 | .418 | 6.8 | 130.2 | 153.7 |
| Old Detrot Wolverines | 11 | 17 | .392 | 7.5 | 130.9 | 163.0 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 10 | 16 | .367 | 7.9 | 122.8 | 161.4 |
| D.C. Balk | 10 | 18 | .363 | 8.3 | 123.4 | 163.4 |
| Brookland Outs | 10 | 18 | .361 | 8.3 | 129.3 | 171.9 |
(Circle All That Apply, If Any. Answers available below the full MLB standings.)
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Canberra: DNP, 1 – (-1). (30 PA, .296, .367, .593; 1 ip, 0 er, 0 era). Do you know why this is a red letter day in Kangarooland? Is it:
a. the 2019 debut of Garret Hampson, hilighted by his pinch hit single.
b. the first day that Tim Anderson and Jorge Soler both homered for the ‘Roos.
c. the Captain Kangaroo’s birthday.
(And if you guess “c”, also guess how old the Captain Kangaroo is today, taking into account he was grey-haired and pudgy already in 1961, which is as far back as I can remember him.) (And wish him the Happiest Birthday Ever.)
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Portland: W, 10 – 5. (23 PA, .450, .522, .700; no pitching). I think my other exam is too easy. The exam period is barely half over and only 7 of my 36 students are still here. Make that 6. You guys had better pick up your pace. So, tell me, did Harrison Bader
a. Lead the Rosebuds in hits with 2 Monday?
b. Lead the Rosebuds in OPS with 2.417 Monday?
c. Lead the Rosebuds with in OBP with .750 Monday?
(Hint: Mookie Betts, Carlos Correa, Paul Goldschmidt, and Tommy Pham were the other Rosebuds to play on Monday. And they all did at least one good thing at the plate. Of course.)
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Flint Hill: “L”, 6 – 5. (26 PA, .261, .346, .435; 1 ip, 0 er, o.oo era, which is kind of like “no pitching”). Which marquee middle infielder led the Tornado offense Monday by going 2 for 4 with a triple and a stolen base?
a. Javier Baez?
b. Xander Bogaerts?
c. Adalbert0 Mondesi?
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Pittsburgh: L, 1 – 3. (32 PA, .226, .242, .226; 4.7 ip, 1 er, 1.93 ERA). How may earned runs did Frankie Montas allow in his 4.3 innings of work Monday?
a. 0
b. 1
c. more than 1. ‘
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Kaline: L, 2 – 5. (27 PA, .115, .148, .269; no pitching.) Of the 27 plate appearances registered by Drives Monday, how many went to outfielders? Enter your answer here ___. (Hint: they combined for a walk, a double, and a homer — leaving only a single single for the rest of the lineup.)
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Peshastin: W, 4 – 4. (33 PA, .241, .333, .379; 6 ip, 1 er, 1.50 ERA). Which ratio involving Pear starter Mike Soroka was the most lopsided yesterday?
a. Soroka’s SO/BB ratio?
b. Soroka’s SO/H ratio?
c. The Captain Kangaroo’s Age / Soroka’s Age ratio?
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Cottage: W 0, L 2; 8 – 12. (29 PA, .182, .379, .227; 6.7 ip, 2 er, 2.70 ERA). Who got the most hits yesterday?
a. Yandy Diaz.
b. Alex Verdugo
c. All the hitters put together who faced Cheese pitching.
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Haviland: L, 3 – 7. (27 PA, .136, .296, .182; no pitching). Which of the talented Dragon infielders listed in a recent article, “9 players off to hot starts we didn’t see coming.” isn’t a EWIE (Ex-Wolverine Infielder Excelling)? (No, you can’t click the link. You’re not a cheater, are you? Do I have to take all your electronics away until you’ve finished the test?)
a. Brandon Lowe
b. Amed Rosario
c. Kolten Wong
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(By the way — the other exam has been over for 45 minutes now. I’m back in my office working. I presume you have an accommodation agreement with the Office of Disability Services for all this extra time you’re taking.)
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Old Detroit: W, 6 – 5. (12 PA, .300, .417, .500; 2 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA). What am I thinking right now?
a. Ha! Best pitching day in the EFL so far!
b. Please, please, please, let Pazos magically appear tonight, get one little out, just one little out!
c. You know, we’re not that far from having a Vogelbach at every position. (Yeah, OK, you can click on that link if you want.)
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Bellingham: “W”, 2 – 4. (9 PA, .111, .111, .111; 4 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA). Who got the Cascades’ only hit?
a. Superhot young prospect Ronald Acuna.
b. Superstud pinch hitter Charlie Culberson.
c. Superutility veteran Justin Turner.
(Note: Culberson came in as a pinch hitter…)
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DC: DNP, (-1) – 0 (22 PA, .200, .273, .250; no pitching). Which Balk made the defensive play of the day yesterday, according to MLB?
a. Willians Astudillo
b. Matt Chapman
c. Ryan McMahon
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Brookland: W 1, L 1; 12 – 16. (25 PA, .316, .480, .421; 1 ip, 0 er , 0.00 ERA). Who had the best day at the plate for the Outs yesterday, going 2 for 3 with a walk?
A. Super-hot Cody Bellinger
B. Super-rich Manny Machado
C. Super-ex-Wolverine Gregory Polanco.
(Don’t forget how many ex-Wolverines there are who are tearing the league up. We’ve mentioned so many in just this update! Acuna, Bogaerts, Chapman, Machado, Polanco, Soler, Yelich, Wong, Wow! An outfield of Yelich, Acuna, and Polanco around the OF! Chapman, Machado, Wong, and Bogaerts around the infield — Bogaerts at 1b, of course. That team could win with replacements at catcher and OH. )
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2019
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 19 | 9 | .679 | — |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 18 | 10 | .650 | 0.8 |
| New York Yankees | 17 | 11 | .607 | 2 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 14 | 14 | .500 | 5 |
| Boston Red Sox | 12 | 17 | .414 | 7.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 11 | 17 | .392 | 8 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 10 | 20 | .333 | 10 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 18 | 10 | .659 | — |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 16 | 12 | .571 | 2.4 |
| Atlanta Braves | 14 | 14 | .500 | 4.4 |
| New York Mets | 14 | 14 | .500 | 4.4 |
| Washington Nationals | 12 | 15 | .444 | 5.9 |
| D.C. Balk | 10 | 18 | .363 | 8.3 |
| Miami Marlins | 8 | 20 | .286 | 10.4 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Minnesota Twins | 17 | 9 | .654 | — |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 15 | 11 | .584 | 1.8 |
| Cleveland Indians | 15 | 12 | .556 | 2.5 |
| Detroit Tigers | 12 | 14 | .462 | 5 |
| Chicago White Sox | 12 | 14 | .462 | 5 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 10 | 16 | .367 | 7.5 |
| Kansas City Royals | 9 | 20 | .310 | 9.5 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 18 | 10 | .643 | — |
| Chicago Cubs | 14 | 12 | .538 | 3 |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 16 | 14 | .533 | 3 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 12 | 14 | .462 | 5 |
| Cottage Cheese | 12 | 16 | .446 | 5.5 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 12 | 16 | .429 | 6 |
| Brookland Outs | 10 | 18 | .361 | 7.9 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 17 | 12 | .586 | — |
| Seattle Mariners | 18 | 13 | .581 | — |
| Texas Rangers | 14 | 13 | .519 | 2 |
| Kaline Drive | 14 | 15 | .481 | 3.1 |
| Oakland A’s | 14 | 17 | .452 | 4 |
| Haviland Dragons | 12 | 17 | .418 | 4.9 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 12 | 17 | .414 | 5 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Portland Rosebuds | 20 | 11 | .638 | — |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 19 | 12 | .613 | 0.8 |
| San Diego Padres | 16 | 13 | .552 | 2.8 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 16 | 13 | .552 | 2.8 |
| Peshastin Pears | 15 | 16 | .480 | 4.9 |
| Colorado Rockies | 13 | 16 | .448 | 5.8 |
| San Francisco Giants | 12 | 17 | .414 | 6.8 |
Answer key:
- Canberra: c, 35, and Happy Birthday, Ryan!
- Portland: only “b” is correct — Bader led in slugging and OPS, but was second in OBP at a mere .750.
- Flint Hill: Mondesi
- Pittsburgh: b. I just told you only 1 earned run was scored all day against the Alleghenys. Were you paying attention?
- Kaline: 15 PA went to the OF, 1/3 of the batting order.
- Peshastin: a. Soroka struck out 8, walked 1.
- Cottage: a and c are tied. Diaz got 2 hits, the other six combined else combined to get 2 (including the one Alex Verdugo got.)
- Haviland: a. Amed Rosario isn’t mentioned in the article. Wong is, but he’s probably the most prominent EWIE right now … well, him or Manny Machado. So Brandon Lowe isn’t a EWIE but he was in the article. (Of the 9 players mentioned in the article, 7 are in the EFL and I suspect Peter Alonso will join them Friday night sometime pretty soon after 7:30 pm in… John, can we use EHS conference room? If not the Center Street House is open to us, I think…)
- Old Detrot: I am pretty much just thinking those three things all the time, one after another, in a relentless cycle. Them, and “Go M’s! Boo Astros!” and “Free Luis Urias already!”
- Bellingham: c, Turner. Culberson actually made an out pinch-hitting!
- DC: c, McMahon. I saw something somewhere saying it was the second best play of the day, but I never saw anything about a first best play of the day.
- Brookland: a. Bellinger, of course. If you voted Astudillo you reveal yourself to be a hopeless romantic and an easy mark in the trade market. So you should probably keep that to yourself.
Report your results in the Comments section if you want to receive college credit for this exam.
I think it’s great that we have a 20-11 team sandwiched between two 18-10 teams (I think it’s greater I’m the first of those two, though only just and I assume I’m due for a classic Seattle/Canberra slide here)