A chicken in every pot, and no one in the cellar!

This off-season may be one of momentous change in the EFL.  We have had an interim commissioner already, for the first time ever, and he is sharing the job of writing posts.  Could this be the year the league finally ousts its old, used-up, worn out commissioner?

I say bring it on!  Bring on the first contested election for commissioner in EFL history.  If Joe Biden can run for President against Donald Trump years after their sell-by dates have expired, I can run for EFL commissioner!  And I have my campaign slogan all ready to go:

A rookie in every pot, and no one in the cellar!

Any questions?

1.  Are you troubled by the fact you stole this slogan from a US President who ran on “a chicken in every pot, and a car in every garage”?   No.
2. Even though the President was Herbert Hoover?
   • He used that slogan in 1928, when he won.  He has a building named after him at George Fox.  Sure, he lost the election for his second term in 1932.  But the Presidency had terms of only 4 years.  The EFL Commissioner’s term is, apparently, 16 years. I’ll have four times as much time as Hoover did to think of a new slogan.
3. I get what “a rookie in every pot” means, I think.  But what’s the part about the cellar? Doesn’t someone have to finish last?
   • Yes, someone does have to finish last in the EFL standings. But the REAL standings are the ones we print at the bottom of some of our updates, where every EFL team is listed in its proper MLB division.  In THOSE standings, as of Monday morning, no EFL team is in its divisional cellar. The Outs, at 49 and 69, are just 0.6 games ahead of the 48-69 Pittsburgh Pirates in the NL Central, but that represents a 0.8 game improvement from Sunday morning when they were just 0.2 games behind the Pirates.  True, the DC Balk are only 0.1 games ahead of the Miami Marlins in the NL East (same as Sunday), but the Marlins are playing Lewis Brinson almost every day now, so the Balk can relax.
4. So you think if we have a season in which no EFL team finishes last in its MLB division, that will secure the votes needed for your next 16-year term?  What if your opponent promises that everyone will finish first under his administration?
   • If he makes such a foolish promise, they might vote me in for life!  First, there are 12 of us and only 6 divisions. I am confident a fair number of the owners will see the problem.  Second, who wants everyone to finish first? We all want to finish first, but we aren’t playing Pandemic or some other lame-o cooperative game here.  Finishing first only matters if not everyone can do it at once.
5. Do you really think league owners are so atavistic they want to see other teams lose?
   • Of course I don’t think that. In fact, here’s my other slogan:

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the leagues‘ wounds, to give our competitors wounds so we’ll have something to bind up,  to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his fantasy-league widow and his fantasy-league orphan, or at least his under-appreciated prospects,  to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves as long as I win every so often. Speaking of which, it’s been six years.

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