League Updates

Earthshaking news: Bellinger Gets A Bit Pantsy

Today’s theme song, by Gomez:

Now I realize, I realize they were wrong,
‘cuz what happens in Vegas,
Don’t take very long,
To travel across continents,
And onwards overseas,
Onto our little island,
To our city, our home.

Cody Bellinger made international news Wednesday evening. You can see it on the BBC  baseball page here.

(That same BBC baseball webpage also has news about Linfield. What did Linfield do this time?  They shocked Qarabag. In football.  In Europe!  Qarabag fans aren’t the only ones shocked to learn Linfield plays football in Europe.  I also find the name “Qarabag” a little shocking. What is it? A town? A country? A bag?  I guess I’ll find out when George Fox gets a chance to play them/him/it.)

Yes, BBC has an entire page dedicated to American baseball (including Linfield football).  As of this moment (late Thursday evening, Oregon time), the top baseball stories on the BBC are:


  •  “Squirrel causes panic at baseball game.”



  •   Man Utd drop to sixth on Forbes list   “Forbes list” must be a different obscure fantasy league.  Or maybe the baseball angle is the Yankees, who are apparently the second most valuable sports franchise in the world, after the Dallas Cowboys.


  •  A story about how no one knows about Mike Trout. That IS news.


  • A blue plaque in Walton-on-Thames, Surrey, England marks the spot where the first baseball game was played on 12 September 1749. Among the players was the Prince of Wales.

The article quotes the “Head of the British Plaque Trust” thusly:

“We thought the Americans might take umbrage and get a bit shirty about it but they seemed to have embraced it enormously… and the fact that this game was played before America was even invented as a country has quite tickled them, I think.”

I don’t know any Americans who are quite tickled about this. Do you?  Also, does any American you know check to see what the Brits have been putting on their plaques before deciding whether to be well-shirted that day?  There are days when my son Sam’s attire leaves him little better than “a bit shirty” but — I’m sorry to have to break this to the BBC — he never consults the news from Britain to help him decide what sartorial offenses to commit.

  • Did you notice the sponsor of the commemoration?  “The British Plaque Trust.”  I knew the British reputation for bad teeth, but I didn’t know the British have a “programme” to promote it.   Which of their political parties would be most likely to campaign in favor of tooth decay?  Maybe the Green Party?


  • The next headline: “GB softball move step closer to Tokyo.” Just think how hard GB softball’s life must be, that they’d think it worth all the trouble of moving (packing, vans, saying good-bye to friends, etc.) just to get one step closer to Japan! The UK is even further from Japan than we are. Going by land (we’re talking about how many steps they are away — you can’t walk over the North Pole) they were 8,473 miles away before , but now, to their great relief, they are only 8,472 miles and 5,277 feet from Tokyo.


  • The last headline featuring a photo reports Tyler Skaggs’ death.


  • From older phot0-free headlines on the baseball front page, I also learned that the Red Sox were caught cheating by intercepting catchers’ signs to the pitcher and relaying them to the batter using an Apple watch. This earthshaking news, felt all the way in Britain, is from a September 2017 headline still up on the BBC baseball page.


  • One other headline of note: July 1 was Bobby Bonilla day in the USA. The story marks Bobby Bonilla’s annual July 1 payday under his contract with the Mets, signed in 2000.  Bonilla hasn’t played since 2001, but will be paid over $1,000,000 on every July 1 from 2001 until 2035, when he will be 72.  So I don’t want to hear any more moaning from EFL owners over owing a few million for a couple more years to players who aren’t playing but won’t retire.  Shut up and thank God you aren’t the Mets.

I wonder how the BBC would cover the EFL?

EFL Standings for 2019
Portland Rosebuds 83 46 .647 793.8 586.1
Flint Hill Tornadoes 78 51 .605 5.4 792.7 636.4
Old Detroit Wolverines 77 52 .596 6.6 765.4 620.6
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 71 56 .560 11.4 677.8 588.2
Peshastin Pears 69 60 .532 14.9 682.2 639.1
Haviland Dragons 67 62 .516 16.9 722.0 692.1
Kaline Drive 63 66 .492 20 614.6 626.5
Canberra Kangaroos 63 66 .489 20.4 703.7 722.7
Bellingham Cascades 58 69 .460 24.1 611.0 665.8
Cottage Cheese 57 70 .445 25.9 722.4 790.0
Brookland Outs 54 73 .425 28.5 636.0 740.5
D.C. Balk 50 79 .390 33.2 582.1 729.9
Portland: “L”, 8 – 2. (37, .286, .324, .429; 13 ip, 4 er, 2.77 ERA)
In his scandalous post yesterday Jamie accused the W’s of sneaking up on the Johnson boys.  Ha! If I was sneaking up would I trumpet my wins at every opportunity?  Rather, it is Mark who is trying to sneak away from everyone else. Talk about socially awkward!  I can see the BBC headline now: “Rosebuds Caught in Fraud using Apple watch!”  The story would explain how the ‘Buds reported a loss when they scored four times as many runs as they allowed, had almost two games’ worth of pitching at a 2.77 ERA, and got a homer and a double from Anthony Rendon.
Flint Hill:  L, 5 – 9. (22 PA, .200, .227, .550; 6 ip, 5 er, 7.50 ERA)
Jamie’s real problem is the Tornados’ sad performance of late. Even though the W’s had a bad day, the T’s’ hold on second place shrank by 0.2 games to 1.2 games over the W’s. Even though he titled yesterday’s post “Always Running, Never Catching” he is about to be caught.  And he will be caught, possibly today, if his team repeats its replacement pitching and a little above-replacement hitting, while the Wolverines do what they did Wednesday.  Not that the BBC will cover it.  It can’t cover the inevitable when it needs the space on its baseball web page for follow-on commentary about England’s disastrous 67 all-out first innings against Australia for the Ashes.  Although maybe that was inevitable, too?
Old Detroit: “W”, 4 – 6. (27 PA, .120, .185, .200;  no pitching)
       It was still a bad day in Old Detroit after you delete the combined 0 for 7 accomplished by the firmly benched Marlins duo of Lewis Brinson and Isan Diaz.  Brinson is benched to punish him for being so execrably bad after I gave up Christian Yelich to get him. Diaz is benched for the opposite reason — to save him for 2024 because he’s going to be so good!
       But I don’t want to talk about my miserable Marlins. We need this space to correct the damage done by the false, defamatory, scurrilous post from yesterday, in which Jamie said:
“…the Wolverines are quietly (or maybe not so quietly) moving closer to both of us. He’s like the middle school kid who is awkwardly inching closer to his crush while hoping no one notices until he is able to put his arm around us and kiss us on the cheek (after asking permission, of course).”
       False on SO MANY levels.  I mean, just to start with, I am not and never was a middle school kid.  They hadn’t invented middle school when I was a kid.
       Second, I am not awkwardly inching closer to anyone.  Although my team’s bad day today might be attributable to some sort of embarrassment on the part of my young players, who read Jamie’s post and suddenly thought maybe they shouldn’t be trying to pass anyone in the standings. I assured them after last night’s game it was perfectly within the rules to try to get ahead — in fact, it is the highest and most honorable thing they can do, and don’t let that fast-talking Thunderhead of a Tornado bamboozle them into thinking otherwise.  He’s just trying to stay out of trouble with his fan base. As if he had any fan base! Ha ha!
       When the time comes we will BLAST by anyone in our path. I just hope our path at that point is upward in the standings.
               Also, I only have one crush and I don’t have to sneak up on her.
       Finally – this is all about Rafael Devers, isn’t it? And Jamie’s uncontrollable jealousy. The BBC is likely to cover this story with a headline like “Tornado boss blows team’s chances to Kansas with whirlwind of words.
      (Friendly word of advice, Jamie, you part-time chemistry teacher: never start a verbal battle with a guy who buys pixels by the barrel. And don’t mess with me, man, I’m a lawyer!)
(Pssst.  Jamie! Keep it up! This has gotta be good for our ratings.)
Pittsburgh: DNP, (-2) – (-1). (27 PA, .250, .333, .458; 1 ip, 0 er, 0  ERA).
The Alleghenys have to think of yesterday as a huge missed opportunity.  The two teams in front of them stumbled.  Neither has recognized how close the Alleghenys have crept. The A’s started the day only 10.9 games out of first place.  They had a chance to suddenly appear in full view with their deficit in the race reduced to single digits.  But… according to the BBC, “Allegheny pitchers disappear en route to the ballpark”  and their offense, while solid, was thin. So they lost a little ground instead.
Peshastin: “W”, 2 – 2 (39 PA, .114, .205, .143; 9 ip. 2 er, 2.00 ERA).
The Pears gained 0.2 games on fourth-place Pittsburgh Thursday. Mike Soroka’s very good 7 innings ( 2 er) followed by Nick Ramirez’ two excellent  scoreless relief innings, were more than enough overcome Peshastin’s spotty offense.  The BBC: “Pears ripen as they do every year about this time.”  I think that headline was actually from about 2014, but if the BBC had written it then, it would still be up on the Baseball home page today.
Haviland: L, (-1) – 8. (29 PA, .143, .172, .143;  no pitching)
They say offense is way up and balls are flying out of the stadium, but looking at these batting lines so far, it looks like Thursday was from an entirely different season.  Four Dragons went 1 for 4 with singles.  And that was the entire offense. The BBC: Baseball reverts to 1968 for a day.  
Kaline: :”L”, 7 – 5. (26 PA, .300, .462, .500; 5.7 ip 2 er, 3.18 ERA)
If this is a loss, I’d like one just like it, please. A Happy Edgar Martinez Day! in Kaline, and a nice serving of fine pitching, too.  Willy Adames hit a homer and two singles to lead the Drive offense. Aaron Civale paid a nice dividend for being a pick in the last midseason draft. BBC:
Players with six-letter last names in which vowels alternate with consonants lead the Drive to an Edgar Martinez Day win.
Canberra:  L, 7 – 7.  (18 PA, .400, .400, .667; 0.3 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA.
The BBC: Kangaroos lost in America find hits but not pitches.  The Beeb fails to mention there were only 4 Kangaroo batters, which is pretty important but happens sometimes in cricket, so the reporter wouldn’t realize it was a no-no in baseball. Also — even though no true baseball fan requires scintillation, if you want some, the Canberra-Kaline race is as hot as it gets right now.
Bellingham: W(-1), L 1; (-3) – (-1).  (17 PA, .063, .118, .063; 1 ip, 0 er, 0 era)
The BBC:  Cascades strive to leave no footprint behind.
And if it weren’t for Ronald Acuna’s walk and walk-off single, they would have succeeded.
Cottage: “W”, 7  – 7. (11 PA .364, .364, .909; 0.3 ip, 0 er, 0.00 era)
The BBC:  Cheese strive to leave no footprint behind.
And if it weren’t for Yoan Moncada’s double and homer, and Wilson Ramos’ double, and Corey Seager’s double… I don’t think you have mastered, oh Head Cheese, what it means to leave no footprint behind. Although after weeks of having the hottest race in the league with the Cascades, maybe you were distracted by your desire to regain the spotlight.
Brookland: L, 6 – 8. (15 PA, .333, .333, .600; 0.7 ip, 0 er, 0 era).
More lightfooted baseball.  Except I don’t think there will ever be anything lightfooted about Vlad Guerrero Jr. Did you spot him in the Bellinger video? He’s the one applying the tag while Cody disrobes. So the entire episode with the wardrobe malfunction was between Outs teammates — a fact the BBC never mentions.  Shameful journalism from the world’s supposedly most trusted news organization.
DC:  L, 2 – 7. (18 PA, .188, .278, .188; no pitching.)
If the BBC were covering the EFL — I mean the REAL EFL, not the Europa Football League, which isn’t even a football league — they would be speculating on the odds of the Balk avoiding relegation.  But we are a civilized league. We don’t relegate.  Although we DO have a rule providing for restarts, it’s only been used once. Of course, that one restarted team is now the Portland Rosebuds. A team the BBC has never heard of.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2014
AL East
New York Yankees 83 46 .643
Flint Hill Tornadoes 78 51 .605 4.9
Old Detroit Wolverines 77 52 .596 6.1
Tampa Bay Rays 75 54 .581 8
Boston Red Sox 68 61 .527 15
Toronto Blue Jays 52 78 .400 31.5
Baltimore Orioles 41 87 .320 41.5
NL East
Atlanta Braves 77 52 .597
Washington Nationals 70 57 .551 6
New York Mets 67 60 .528 9
Philadelphia Phillies 66 60 .524 9.5
Canberra Kangaroos 63 66 .489 13.9
D.C. Balk 50 79 .390 26.7
Miami Marlins 45 81 .357 30.5
AL Central
Minnesota Twins 77 50 .606
Cleveland Indians 74 54 .578 3.5
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 71 56 .560 5.9
Bellingham Cascades 58 69 .460 18.6
Chicago White Sox 58 69 .457 19
Kansas City Royals 45 83 .352 32.5
Detroit Tigers 38 87 .304 38
NL Central
Chicago Cubs 69 58 .543
St. Louis Cardinals 68 58 .540 0.5
Milwaukee Brewers 65 62 .512 4
Cincinnati Reds 60 66 .476 8.5
Cottage Cheese 57 70 .445 12.4
Brookland Outs 54 73 .425 15
Pittsburgh Pirates 52 75 .409 17
AL West
Houston Astros 82 47 .636
Oakland A’s 74 53 .583 7
Haviland Dragons 67 62 .516 15.5
Kaline Drive 63 66 .492 18.5
Texas Rangers 63 66 .488 19
Los Angeles Angels 63 67 .485 19.5
Seattle Mariners 54 74 .422 27.5
NL West
Los Angeles Dodgers 85 44 .659
Portland Rosebuds 83 46 .647 1.5
Peshastin Pears 69 60 .532 16.4
Arizona Diamondbacks 64 64 .500 20.5
San Francisco Giants 63 65 .492 21.5
San Diego Padres 59 67 .468 24.5
Colorado Rockies 58 70 .453 26.5


1 Comment

  • It was a metaphor…which I guess you missed because you didn’t go to middle school.

    This is just a temporary setback! You’ll see! Just because the Tornadoes chose to have their worst month BY FAR be August (why not May or even June) doesn’t mean we are giving up…I think. Actually, I don’t know. I thought we were good but now I am questioning everything, except you sneaking up on us innocent Johnson boys.