Well, the Red Sox season continues to really stink. People outside of Red Sox Nation are starting to notice, too, which is never a good thing. If there is one maxim in life, it is: you should always suffer alone. I think that’s what the entire book of Job is about. Ok, maybe suffering alone is not entirely biblical, nor entirely healthy. So I’m using this space to be vulnerable and to let you know, the Red Sox are really bad this year and it makes me sad. I think some of you might be able to join in me in my misery, because here is what I know of you fandom:
Haviland and Portland: Royals (8-11) Losing has been more normal for Royals fans than many other franchises, so maybe they are only kind of sad.
DC and Flint Hill: Red Sox (8-13) You know how we feel. We are VERY sad. Several years ago I adopted the Padres as my NL team, and they are having a fin year so far, so my sadness is perhaps assuaged a touch as I watch Tatis and friends play the game with joy.
Old Detroit and Kaline: Detroit (9-7) and Seattle (7-13) I might be a tiny bit wrong on your fandom, but I think I am right. And if so, it is a good thing you have the upstart Tigers to balance out the Mariners, because the Ms are not good
Pittsburgh: Pittsburgh (4-13) The Pirates are woefully bad this year, but they have been bad for some time (though their park is on my bucket list). I bet Mark is kind of sad, because this year they have been more bad than their normal bad
Canberra: Mariners (7-13) and Nationals (6-9) We already talked about the Mariners, and usually the Nats are a good counterbalance to the Ms, but not this year, at least so far. The defending champs are having to defend against rottenness, not awesomeness.
Peshastin and Bellingham: Mariners (7-13) I don’t think the Pears feel sadness about the Ms, because the Pears are pragmatists.
Cottage: Dodgers (13-7) Ok, here is one owner who cannot be sad about his MLB team. The Dodgers are having a great season, though I suppose Dave can be sad that even with their great season the Dodgers are only in second in the NL West.
So it looks like every EFL team, except for the Cheese, might be sad about how their MLB team is doing. Maybe this is part of the EFL’s issue this season, and why so many of our teams are below .500 – we have poor MLB role models!
Actually, Baseball Prospectus has anticipated a bit of our sadness, by publishing an article yesterday for suggestions of who to cheer for if your team, like our teams are (sans Dave) is not having a good year. Here are the suggestions, take them for what you will:
Red Sox – Reds
That’s it! No other struggling teams for which we EFL teams cheer were mentioned. I can assure you, I am NOT cheering for the Reds – I don’t even think that is a good idea. I will, however, cheer for the Tornadoes, and I invite ANYONE who is feeling a little sad about their team (MLB or EFL) to join me. We are going to need help, because the Drive have a big tank of gas and are NOT slowing down one bit.
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Kaline Drive | 12 | 7 | .645 | — | 97.7 | 71.2 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 10 | 8 | .552 | 1.8 | 98.8 | 91.6 |
| D.C. Balk | 10 | 10 | .521 | 2.3 | 97.5 | 93.1 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 9 | 11 | .474 | 3.3 | 85.9 | 96.2 |
| Haviland Dragons | 9 | 10 | .468 | 3.4 | 103.5 | 109.7 |
| Peshastin Pears | 8 | 10 | .463 | 3.4 | 86.9 | 93.2 |
| Cottage Cheese | 7 | 9 | .434 | 3.8 | 73.8 | 85.4 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 8 | 11 | .427 | 4.2 | 87.2 | 96.8 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 7 | 12 | .375 | 5.1 | 89.5 | 126.6 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 6 | 12 | .346 | 5.5 | 90.9 | 125.1 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 3 | 15 | .165 | 8.8 | 54.7 | 125.5 |
Kaline: DNP, 10-0 (34PA; no pitching)
| AVG: 0.484 | OBP: 0.529 | SLG: 1.065 | OPS: 1.594 |
How do you score 10 runs on an off day? Oh right. A 1.594 OPS helps just a little. The Drive mashed the baseball last night, led by Hunter Renfroe (3 for 6 with a 2B and 2 HR) and Willy Adames (3 for 6 with a 2B and a 3B), both of whom got to face the lowly Red Sox and their terrible pitching staff. I find it to be an extra bit of cruelty from Tom (in whom I have never detected an ounce of cruelty before) to extend his lead in the EFL by almost an entire game over the Tornadoes by teeing off against Red Sox pitching. What could be more painful that that? I urge you, Tom, to return to your kinder, more gentle ways.
Flint Hill: DNP, (-1)-0 (17PA; no pitching)
| AVG: 0.250 | OBP: 0.294 | SLG: 0.438 | OPS: 0.732 |
This line looks better than the Tornadoes actually got on our off day, because the best hitter on the day, Andres Gimenez, is allocated at 0%. This does not help our sadness, not one bit.
DC: DNP, 8-0 (18PA, no pitching)
| AVG: 0.467 | OBP: 0.556 | SLG: 1.133 | OPS: 1.689 |
The Balk somehow outhit the Drive yesterday, mashing their way to a 1.689 OPS. If both teams on either side of you in the standings have incredible days, that means it’s your turn the next day, right? Because the Tornadoes were the gross meat stuck between artisan bread yesterday. Balk batters were led by Mookie Betts (this makes me even more sad this morning, since he should have been doing this in a Red Sox uniform) who went 4 for 4 with 3 HRs. At least the Balk get to experience the joy of Betts this year (and for many years to come).
Canberra: DNP, 2-(-5) (21PA; 5IP)
| AVG: 0.421 | OBP: 0.429 | SLG: 0.421 | OPS: 0.850 |
| ERA: 0.00 | WHIP: 0.600 |
The Roos shot up two spots in the standings after this performance yesterday. This is as solid of an off-day that for which one can hope. I mean, it was a lot of hitting (though all of them singles) and some really good pitching (a one-hitter over 5IP from the rookie Peterson). It didn’t move the Roos any closer to first, but they also didn’t lose any ground after the Drive’s incredible day.
Haviland: W1, L(-1) 7-(-1) (15PA; 12IP)
| AVG: 0.417 | OBP: 0.533 | SLG: 1.250 | OPS: 1.783 |
| ERA: 6.00 | WHIP: 1.333 | IP: 12.0 | |||||||||||
Well, the Dragons decided to swish their tail and breathe some fire on the EFL, moving up two spots in the standings (though losing .1 game off the leader). Not to be outdone by the Drive and the Balk, the Dragons pounded the baseball for an OPS of 1.783! They, too, were helped by facing the Red Sox (Brandon Lowe went 2 for 5 with a HR), and JT Realmuto (who I hope is a Red Sox starting next year!) only got 2 hits on the day – but both of them HRs. Yu Darvish nearly threw a no-hitter, giving up 1 run in 7IP, and we won’t mention the other pitchers who didn’t do as well as Darvish but who did better than replacement pitchers.
Peshastin: DNP, 1-(-2) (4PA; 6.3IP)
| AVG: 0.333 | OBP: 0.500 | SLG: 1.333 | OPS: 1.833 |
| ERA: 2.86 | WHIP: 0.794 |
The Pears had two players play yesterday – Juan Soto and Julio Urias – and both of them were excellent. But you need more than two players to tip the scales in the EFL, and so the Pears dropped a spot in the standings and .4 more games behind the leading Drive.
Cottage: L, 5-10 (21PA; 3IP)
| AVG: 0.294 | OBP: 0.429 | SLG: 0.529 | OPS: 0.958 |
| ERA: 18.00 | WHIP: 2.333 |
I hate it when my EFL pitchers face my real life teams, usually (I mean, this year I want my EFL hitters to face my real life Red Sox, to be honest). Last night the Cheese got exactly that – their pitcher, Chris Paddack, squared off against his real life team, the Dodgers. And it did not go well for Paddack (6ER in 3IP), but at least it went well for the Dodgers, right? The Cheese hitters had a very good day, led by Yandy Diaz, who was able to face the Red Sox, going 3 for 5.
Pittsburgh: DNP, 1-0 (11PA; no pitching)
| AVG: 0.300 | OBP: 0.364 | SLG: 0.700 | OPS: 1.064 |
EFL teams really hit well yesterday, but most of us didn’t play a game. Oh well, it will help later, I suppose. Unfortunately for the Alleghenys, their off-day was nowhere near the same as the Drive’s off-day, and the slipped another .7 games behind the leader.
Bellingham: DNP, 1-(-2) (18PA; 4.3IP)
| AVG: 0.313 | OBP: 0.389 | SLG: 0.313 | OPS: 0.701 |
| ERA: 4.19 | WHIP: 1.628 |
The Cascades jumped ahead of the Rosebuds yesterday. Though it wasn’t a lot of PAs, it was enough to tread water for a day. All 4 batters got a hit, led by Hanser Alberto’s two hits (I feel like I write his name every single day). Brett Anderson pitched decently, and the Cascades continued their solid August.
Portland: W(-1), L1, 1-7 (11PA; 5IP)
| AVG: 0.273 | OBP: 0.273 | SLG: 0.818 | OPS: 1.091 |
| ERA: 16.20 | WHIP: 2.800 |
Last night Rosebud management sent me a text with two emojis and a picture of Marcus Walden’s pitching line (0IP, 6ER – guess the MLB team for whom Walden pitches?!?!?). Take that out and the Rosebud day was pretty decent. With it in? He dropped a spot in the standings and 1.1 more games off the Drive. The Red Sox are ruining everything!
Old Detroit: DNP, (-1)-0 (33PA; no pitching)
| AVG: 0.138 | OBP: 0.242 | SLG: 0.241 | OPS: 0.484 |
The Wolverines admitted yesterday to using language on their broadcasts that the FCC would deem inappropriate. As hard as that is for me to believe, it was probably a good thing they didn’t play last night, or the airwaves may have been filled again with all kinds of rotten pickles or other similarly crude vegetable-influenced profanities.