League Updates Uncategorized

Fraught with Terror

The English language is a wonder, a treasure, evidence there really is that of God in every person.

Noah Webster tried to distill it, maybe even codify it.  Despite his efforts, and those of his wife Merriam, and thousands of schoolmarms and -parps, it belongs to no one and everyone. 

The French revere their language, and rightfully so. It is a beautiful thing, as the word “beautiful” (built by the English atop the French chassis “beau”) so aptly exemplifies, with its strings of vowels.  As does the word “chassis”, stolen intact by the English, with its extraneous letters serving no purpose other than beautification. 

The French enact their reverence by subjecting their language to the protective regulation of the Academie Francaise — a name that would look even more decorative if I included the accent marks and the squiggly thing that goes under a soft “c.”   The Acadamie guards the borders of the language. It fought a decades-long battle to steer the French away from parking their cars. It wanted them to stationner their cars instead.  But the French are not moutons.  They fought their Academie — no, that’s too strong.  They selectively ignored their Academie, and brazenly park their cars now.  It’s just so much simpler.  

No one guards the borders of English.  Our cars have chassis, and no one bats an eye.  No one insists they should have “infrastructures” instead, possibly because “infrastructure” is entirely composed of other immigrant words.  Why would we get snooty all of a sudden, and reject a simpler, clearer (tied to the infrastructures of vehicles) word just because it was born abroad?

Which is why I think the current contretemps about cultural appropriation will recede in due course, hopefully leaving behind several layers of improved sensitivity to other cultures, but taking with it any shame in learning from them.  How inappropriate to decry cultural appropriation in a language whose very sinews are constantly being appropriated from other languages!   

But the democratic genius in English goes well beyond borrowing freely from our neighbors.  We also make up stuff with abandon.  In English I can make up the term “schoolparps” to fit the needs of maybe 10 other readers,  confident that I will be neither condemned nor misunderstood.  English speakers are constantly making up and repeating neologisms — which was one itself, comprising two imported words, one from Latin and one from Greek.  I am sure “schoolparps” slipped  into your brains while barely causing any of you to bat an eye.

And I bet your eyes, if they did bat, still did not remind you of what Juan Marichal did to John Roseboro, because your English-trained brains knew to store the different meeting in different files, and only to bring the two bats up as one word when you first saw the name “Juan Marichal.” 

Which brings us to  Jamie’s second comment to yesterday’ post, which went as follows:

“The path to greatness is fraught with terror, no matter what hindsight might have erased from memory…”

I have no idea what Jamie is talking about here.  I don’t know if this means I’ve never trodden the path to greatness, or have forgotten all about it. But it seems to me the pivotal word is “terror.”  Maybe our league is a path fraught with terror. 

Don’t be alarmed.  “Terror” is one of those quintessential (from “quint”, meaning “five”, and “essential” meaning essential, which put together means “about five times more essential than average”)  English words with fantastically flexible meanings borrowed from everywhere.  It lies at the root of all these words:

Terror:    Intense, acute fear..

Terrify:   Induce intense, acute fear, generally referring to a single instance or episode.

Terrible:   1. Inducing intense, acute fear, in case you need an  archaic alternative to terrifying.    2. Defiant or unruly, as in the terrible twos.    3. Awful – not in the sense of “awe-inspiring” or “full of awe”,  but in the sense of really bad, dog stinking pickle bad. “He’s a terrible teaser.”     4.  Awful, in the sense of “awe-inspiring.”  “He’s a terrible tease.”

Terrorize:  To induce an enduring sense of intense fear in another, generally referring to a pattern of behavior over time.

Terrorist:  One who terrifies or terrorizes on purpose, classically by committing violence on one person or group of people to induce fear in other people.

Terrorism:   What terrorists do.  It’s terrible.

Terrific:    1.  Huge, awful (in the sense of “awe-inspiring”) (archaic).   2.  Great, wonderfully good, as an antonym to terrible/awful/bad. If something could be dog stinking pickle good, it would be terrific.

Terry:   1.  A man’s name, as in Terry Porter, Terry Pratchett, or Terry Pendleton — or even Terry Turner, the Cleveland franchise all-time leader in games played, who retired 101 years ago.    2. A woman’s name, like Terry Gross (NPR radio “Fresh Air” host).     3.  Any kind of person’s last name, like Mark and Missy Terry, or Bill and Ralph Terry.

Terrier:   1.  More terry.  A person named Terry Terry would be terrier than Mark, Missy, Bill, or Ralph.     2.  A  dog bred to guard its owners by terrorizing intruders and other vermin.  Or to be a lap dog.

 

So now let’s turn our attention to Monday’s results, and the terrors lying await therein.

 

EFL Standings for 2020
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Flint Hill Tornadoes 31 24 .564 277.8 259.7
Kaline Drive 28 25 .523 2.3 227.8 213.0
Haviland Dragons 28 25 .521 2.4 249.0 235.4
Peshastin Pears 27 27 .503 3.4 282.0 276.0
Bellingham Cascades 25 29 .460 5.7 270.7 305.6
Cottage Cheese 25 29 .458 5.8 273.9 299.4
D.C. Balk 24 30 .437 6.9 242.5 275.1
Canberra Kangaroos 22 32 .406 8.6 256.5 309.5
Old Detroit Wolverines 22 33 .406 8.7 254.5 309.9
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 18 36 .342 12 238.4 331.3
Portland Rosebuds 15 39 .286 15.1 243.6 387.6
 
 
 
Flint Hill: W, 3 – 2.
AVG: 0.167 OBP: 0.200 SLG: 0.292 OPS: 0.492 PA: 25
ERA: 0.87 WHIP: 0.583 IP: 10.3
 
For Tornados, the Flint Hill offense was terrible.  None of their opposing pitchers were terrified. The T’s K’d 14 times in 25 plate appearances, walking only once. Grandal, Hiura and Rendon all whiffed thrice.  Perhaps they understood their charge as Tornados to be whipping up little whirlwinds at the plate?  Don’t fear for these Tornado “hitters” — their owner has assured them their hindsight will erase their terrific day from memory.
 
It will help that the Tornado pitchers spent their day terrorizing opposing vermin.  German Marquez  (what a glorious mixing of languages in his name, although only to English-speaking eyes. The Spanish word for German is “Aleman” and the German word for German is “Deutch”.)  was the only Tornado to allow a run, and it was the only one he surrendered in 6 innings.  Four relievers followed with scoreless innings. 
 
The T’s now lead the other Johnsons by 2 full games, which must seem like a terribly wide gap to Kaline and Haviland.
 
 
 
Kaline: DNP, (-2) – 4.  
AVG: 0.114 OBP: 0.244 SLG: 0.200 OPS: 0.444 PA: 41
ERA: 5.91 WHIP: 1.679 IP: 13.7
 
Yesterday Jamie’s refrain was about how weak almost all the EFL teams were at the plate — but how strong the pitchers were.  If he ever pointed out the connection between the two, I missed it.    If hitting looks terrible, pitching will necessarily look terrific. It may be strange, but it’s not a strange coincidence. 

The real bad luck is if your hitters are infected with pandemic weakness, but your pitchers aren’t thriving.  Which is what happened to Kaline Monday.  Kevin Pillar homered and singled in 5 plate appearances. The rest of the Drive went 2 for 30 — although Kyle Lewis did walk 3 times.  Meanwhile Aaron Civale and Adam Wainwright split 11.7 ip and 7 earned runs as evenly as they could, while Jace Fry relieved… someone (most likely the Tornados) with 2 er in 1 inning. 
 
 
Haviland: DNP, (-1) – 0.  
AVG: 0.121 OBP: 0.216 SLG: 0.273 OPS: 0.489 PA: 37
ERA: 6.92 WHIP: 0.769 IP: 1.3
 
The Dragons got cheated out of the “terrific pitching” side of the “terrible hitting” phenomenon even worse than the Drive, except  the Dragons managed to limit their awful innings to less than  1/10th of the Drive.  Jedd Gyorko homered to lead the Dragon “offense.” The rest of the Dragons went 3 for 30, with two doubles, which does kind of dwarf the non-Pillar Drive’s 2 for 30 with no extra bases. 

I mentioned the hypothetical Terry Terry in the intro.  I’ve never heard of a Terry Terry. But it’s not like that sort of thing is impossible.  Right, John?
 
 
 
Peshastin:  DNP, (-1) – 1.
AVG: 0.294 OBP: 0.368 SLG: 0.294 OPS: 0.663 PA: 38
ERA: 5.71 WHIP: 1.270 IP: 6.3
 
Bearing a terrific burden (the hopes of multitudes that a non-Johnson might play a part in the pennant race), the Pears needed a terrific day Monday to close their 3-game gap.  They didn’t get it. Instead, the Pears did what the Dragons did, except not quite as terribly. 

A .368 OBP is nothing to sniff at.  But even though .294 is a good batting average, an identical slugging percentage is terribly anemic. Where is the inner terrier, Peshastin, the energetic little black dog who doggedly confronts intruders and other vermin?  Would a Peshastin Terriers team have rolled over as contentedly?  How many Peshastin EFL Championships did you give up for the sake of alliteration (and local chamber-of-commerce boosterism)? 
 
 
 
Bellingham: L, 4 – 7.  
AVG: 0.276 OBP: 0.300 SLG: 0.414 OPS: 0.714 PA: 30
 
I guess, according to Jamie, we have now moved beyond the realm of pennant contenders.  And maybe he’s right.  The Dragons and Pears didn’t put up successful pitching lines, but at least they sent pitchers out there.  The Cascades declined to do the same.    
 
I’m not saying the Cascades have quit.  That would be a terrible conclusion to draw for the first team we’ve encountered so far with an OPS at least equal to Babe Ruth’s home run total (divided by 1000, of course). Youngsters Bo Bichette and Nick Madrigal collected two hits each, and the mysterious Derek Dietrich (grandson to Marlene, I suppose) even homered.   Even without pitching, the Cascades managed to get the BCCCDC group into proper alphabetical order. 
 
 
 
Cottage: L, 4 – 9.
AVG: 0.172 OBP: 0.333 SLG: 0.310 OPS: 0.644 PA: 36
 
Hmm.  Neither of the Votaw/Duncan teams had any pitching.  Perhaps its a family ethnic or religious thing.  Was it Rosh Hoshanah or Yom Kippur yesterday?  I had my first lesson in modern (as opposed to Biblical) Judaism when Sandy Koufax missed a start during a pennant race to observe Yom Kippur.  (My parents, and more importantly, my Dodgers-loving uncle, made it clear to me that Koufax was a hero for doing this.)
 
The Cottage clouters tried to match the Cascades at the plate.  Cheeses collected 6 walks to the Cascades’ five, but going 5 for 29 doesn’t cut it.  Even if one of them is a Nate Lowe homer.  
 
 
 
DC: “W”, 4 – 5.
AVG: 0.296 OBP: 0.367 SLG: 0.333 OPS: 0.700 PA: 30
ERA: 4.50 WHIP: 1.333 IP: 6.0
 
The Balk didn’t quite clear the low .700 OPS bar, but they didn’t knock it off, either, brushing it lightly on the way over.  Topping that off with quintessentially mediocre pitching (is that over the top? Would “quadessentially” fit a little better for a 4.50 ERA?)  left the Balk with the only other official win of the day. We can all see it wasn’t a REAL win, but our database cyber-masters are sporadically kind. 

I don’t want to terrorize the Balk, but they need to be careful.  They are in still in danger of drifting out of their comfortable BCCCDC neighborhood into a much dicier precinct where one risks being mauled by Mocks. 
 
 
 
Canberra:  L, 5 – 8. 
AVG: 0.261 OBP: 0.333 SLG: 0.478 OPS: 0.812 PA: 27
ERA: 7.89 WHIP: 1.930 IP: 5.7
 
“Who”, you may sneer, “is afraid of Mocks?”  Well, yesterday it was pitchers.  Look at that .812 OPS, oh you high-and-mighty 7th-placers and above!  Vlad Guerrero Jr. went 3 for 3 with two doubles and a triple!  When was the last time one of YOUR hitters did something like that?  Consider the terrible weight of all those Vladdy foot-pounds scurrying to all those extra bases. Hope against hope that hindsight erases THAT memory so your sleep won’t be fraught with night terrors forever.

Don’t worry.  There is still justice in the world.  Rookie starting pitcher Trevor Rogers suffered through a 4 ip, 5 er terror of his own, the key blows coming from EFLers Austin Riley, Dansby Swanson, and Ronald Acuna. The wheels of EFL justice grind slowly, but they grind terribly fine.
 
 
 
Old Detroit:  L, 7 – 10. 
AVG: 0.310 OBP: 0.333 SLG: 0.621 OPS: 0.954 PA: 30
ERA: 9.00 WHIP: 2.750 IP: 4.0
 
That’s right: the laws of EFL nature do not apply in Mockland.  The Wolverines outhit the the Kangaroos, but then the pitching was even worse. No Wolverine was as terrible (in the archaic sense) as Vladdy, but the team’s 0.954 OPS leads the league (so far) by a considerable margin. 
 
As did the W’s 9.00 ERA.  The blame for that lies on Loaisiga, the lone Wolverine Yankee.  His 1 ip, 3 er line (5 hits, 2 walks, 3 outs) was perfectly balanced by Josh Fleming’s 3 ip, 1 er line — perfect, that is, if you consider 9.00 the perfectly-balanced ERA.  I’m either terribly impressed, or I’m not, depending on which version of “terribly” you are using.

 
 
Pittsburgh:  L, 7 – 8.  
AVG: 0.350 OBP: 0.435 SLG: 0.700 OPS: 1.135 PA: 23
ERA: 9.00 WHIP: 1.750 IP: 4.0
 
Well, that didn’t last long: the very next team topped the Wolverines .954 OPS by .180 points!   Swanson’s double off Rogers was only one of four Allegheny doubles (Moustakas, Altuve, Soler), and Moustakas also homered.  Dane Dunning concocted the A’s 4-inning 9.00 ERA all by himself. 

 
 
Portland:  DNP, (-1) – 0.
AVG: 0.211 OBP: 0.250 SLG: 0.263 OPS: 0.513 PA: 20
 
Another team not deigning to pitch on its deig off.  The Roses didn’t deign to hit, either, at least not much. Other than Nick Solak, who went 3 for 4 with a double.  The other 6 Rosebud hitters managed only a single single in 15 ABs.   That was more than the absent pitchers, but that’s a terribly a low bar no one should trip over. 
 
Mark the cellar-dwelling Johnson wrote a sort of apology yesterday for his team being THIS bad. I don’t know if this will be terribly consoling, but the Rosebuds are just now reaching the depths the Woeverines were heading toward before they embarked on their quixotic quest to win September. 
 
 
That quest isn’t going so well right now.  The W’s are 10 – 9  in  September, in danger of falling below .500. They are third for the month, now about 5 games (for the month!) behind the Tornados, and 2 behind the Pears.  The W’s did pass the Rosebuds and Alleghenys, and then even the Kangaroos, but have now slipped back behind Canberra.  9th place does not seem like a terrific success.  I doubt the story of the Wolverines gallant September will be terribly memorable.  
 
Perhaps THAT’s what Jamie was saying…
 
 
 
 
 
 
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2020
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Tampa Bay Rays 36 19 .655
New York Yankees 31 23 .574 4.5
Flint Hill Tornadoes 31 24 .564 5
Toronto Blue Jays 28 26 .519 7.5
Baltimore Orioles 23 31 .426 12.5
Old Detroit Wolverines 22 33 .406 13.7
Boston Red Sox 20 34 .370 15.5
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Atlanta Braves 32 22 .593
Miami Marlins 28 26 .519 4
Philadelphia Phillies 27 27 .500 5
New York Mets 24 30 .444 8
D.C. Balk 24 30 .437 8.4
Canberra Kangaroos 22 32 .406 10.1
Washington Nationals 21 32 .396 10.5
 
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Chicago White Sox 34 20 .630
Minnesota Twins 33 22 .600 1.5
Cleveland Indians 30 24 .556 4
Bellingham Cascades 25 29 .460 9.2
Detroit Tigers 22 30 .423 11
Kansas City Royals 22 32 .407 12
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 18 36 .342 15.5
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Chicago Cubs 32 22 .593
St. Louis Cardinals 26 25 .510 4.5
Cincinnati Reds 28 27 .509 4.5
Milwaukee Brewers 26 27 .491 5.5
Cottage Cheese 25 29 .458 7.2
Pittsburgh Pirates 15 39 .278 17
 
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Oakland A’s 33 20 .623
Kaline Drive 28 25 .523 5.3
Haviland Dragons 28 25 .521 5.4
Houston Astros 27 27 .500 6.5
Seattle Mariners 24 30 .444 9.5
Los Angeles Angels 24 31 .436 10
Texas Rangers 19 35 .352 14.5
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Los Angeles Dodgers 38 16 .704
San Diego Padres 34 20 .630 4
Peshastin Pears 27 27 .503 10.9
San Francisco Giants 26 27 .491 11.5
Colorado Rockies 24 29 .453 13.5
Arizona Diamondbacks 20 34 .370 18
Portland Rosebuds 15 39 .286 22.6
 
 

 

 

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