Last night as I was watching the A’s vs. Yankees game, Tony Kemp stepped up to bat. All 5 feet, 6 inches and 160 pounds of him. My 14 year old son, who was watching with me (and who has just recently hit his first ever home run over a fence in a a game), said, “Hit a bomb, Tony!” I chuckled, and told him that Tony was not a home run hitter. He averages 3 home runs a year (15 in his 5 year MLB career), and without a juiced ball, it is very unlikely.
Sure enough, he grounded out, and I switched over to the Red Sox game. About 30 minutes later, while BBQing some chicken on my grill, I checked the box score of the A’s game to see how my pitcher (Kaprielian) was doing. And what did I see, you might ask? A Tony Kemp 3-run home run in Yankee Stadium, travelling 353 feet. I told Ethan what Kemp did, how prescient he was, and asked him to also help me draft in next month’s draft.
Kemp’s home run came on the same day Shohei Ohtani announced his intention to compete the Home Run Derby this July at Coors Field. There was a lot of commotion on social media yesterday due to his announcement, because he can hit the baseball a long ways and doing so in Coors will be even more exciting. Cottage management is already trying to figure out how to monetize his appearance for Cheese fans. Perhaps some merchandise with the slogan, “He hit it Ohtani!” (get it?)
Anyway, Shohei’s announcement made me wonder who each EFL team would send to the Home Run Derby to compete for our teams.
EFL Standings for 2021
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 52 | 19 | .726 | — | 412.5 | 253.5 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 46 | 25 | .652 | 5.3 | 342.0 | 250.0 |
| D.C. Balk | 41 | 21 | .662 | 6 | 338.6 | 243.2 |
| Peshastin Pears | 45 | 25 | .642 | 6.2 | 329.3 | 248.8 |
| Kaline Drive | 45 | 26 | .635 | 6.5 | 364.4 | 276.2 |
| Haviland Dragons | 45 | 26 | .629 | 6.9 | 342.4 | 268.1 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 37 | 25 | .602 | 9.8 | 325.5 | 268.9 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 38 | 32 | .544 | 13 | 353.1 | 321.9 |
| Cottage Cheese | 37 | 33 | .535 | 13.6 | 381.3 | 366.4 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 33 | 37 | .468 | 18.3 | 276.0 | 296.8 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 31 | 39 | .443 | 20 | 360.3 | 412.0 |
Old Detroit: W, 5-4; 43PA, 11IP
| AVG: 0.211 | OBP: 0.279 | SLG: 0.447 | OPS: 0.726 |
| ERA: 3.27 | WHIP: 1.091 |
OD won (again), though only managed to increase their lead by .1 over the Tornadoes. JP Crawford was the only batter to earn more than one hit, going 2 for 4 with a double. Adolis Garcia and Rafael Devers each added a home run, and the pitching was good enough to earn the win. Chris Paddack and Jameson Taillon each gave up two runs in a combined 9.7 innings pitched. The easiest choice for a Wolverine Derby attendee is Rafael Devers, who leads OD with 17 home runs, most of them no doubters. It would be a good left-handed battle between him and Shohei.
Flint Hill: L, 0-3; 40PA, 14.7IP
| AVG: 0.194 | OBP: 0.250 | SLG: 0.222 | OPS: 0.472 |
| ERA: 2.45 | WHIP: 0.748 |
Tornado hitting was once again horrible, after beginning the month on such a strong note. New teammate Nick Gordon collected two hits, one double, and led the team for the day. But the pitching was, once again, very good. Even a day after benching Marquez due to a surplus of IP this month, they didn’t disappoint. Carlos Rodon went 7 innings, giving up 1 run to lead Flint Hill. Tornado fans, smitten with Bo Bichette’s flowing locks (I know, fawning over a player because of his hair is relatively lame, but the fans have spoken!), would like to see Bo’s Bombs flying through the thin Denver air. Tornado management thinks Austin Meadows would be a better choice in terms of being able to compete.
DC: “L,” 5-3; 48PA, 8.6IP
| AVG: 0.256 | OBP: 0.396 | SLG: 0.359 | OPS: 0.755 |
| ERA: 5.23 | WHIP: 1.512 |
The Balk were led yesterday Jorge Alfaro’s 3 hits (one a double), Bryce Harper’s 2 hits (both singles), Aldalberto’s home run (his third in three games since returning to the lineup), and 9 total walks earned by the team. Nothing too exciting, but everything done in just the right amount to outscore their opponent. The pitching was not as steady as the hitting, with 3 of the 4 pitchers who appeared giving up at least one run. While it would be fun to add another large LHH to the Home Derby in Joey Gallo, there is no competition for the Balk Derbier. Ryan McMahon not only plays his home games in a Rockies uniform, but also leads the Balk with 16 home runs this season. The hometown hero would be favored to win, and would have the fan support and be sufficiently acclimated to the thin air to make a deep run in the competition.
Peshastin: “W,” 5-5; 38PA, 2.3IP
| AVG: 0.257 | OBP: 0.316 | SLG: 0.371 | OPS: 0.687 |
| ERA: 0.00 | WHIP: 0.435 |
The Pears won though it looks like a tie, their score being 5.2-5. Ozzie Albies was the main reason for their win, going 3 for 5 with a double and a home run – the only extra base hits earned by the Pears yesterday. Two pitchers appeared, both of them in relief, and neither allowed a run. The Pears, surprisingly, have not hit a lot of home runs this season. They only have two players in double digit, and one of them (Albies) got their just last night. Their best shot at sending someone who can compete would be Mitch Haniger, who leads the Pears with 16 home runs this season. Albies would be a fun addition, though, since second baseman usually don’t get selected for the home run derby.
Kaline: W, 3-1; 49PA, 7IP
| AVG: 0.255 | OBP: 0.286 | SLG: 0.298 | OPS: 0.584 |
| ERA: 1.29 | WHIP: 0.571 |
Max Fried carried the Drive to a win yesterday, going 7 strong innings, giving up only two hits and one run. Willy Adames really found new life in Milwaukie, or at least a new bat, because his offense has increased dramatically since becoming a Brewer. Last night he led the team, going 2 for 4 with a double. The Drive’s choice for the Home Run Derby is not so clear cut as some others. With 5 players having double digit home runs, and MLB favorite Aaron Judge on the team, it would seem likely he would be chosen. But he is not the most worthy Drive Derbier this season – that title belongs to Jesse Winker, who last night robbed a home run and on the season has hit 17 of his own. Wouldn’t it be fun to have part of the Home Run Derby be a home run robbing contest? For every one you rob you get to subtract a home run from one other competitor?
Haviland: “W,” 7-8; 49PA, 1IP
| AVG: 0.289 | OBP: 0.347 | SLG: 0.533 | OPS: 0.880 |
| ERA: 18.00 | WHIP: 3.000 |
The Dragons really fine offensive day was not enough to overcome the bad pitching, and they dropped their game by one run. The offense was led by Joc Pederson, who had found a home in the Windy City. He clubbed two home runs while trying to make a case for his appearance in Coors next month. Brendan Rodgers and Jake Cronenworth each added two doubles on the day. Ryan Hendrix only threw one inning, but gave up two runs. The Dragons lead the EFL in home runs this month, which is interesting because they only have three players in double digits this season. Though any of those three (Lowe, Pederson, Laureano) would be interesting, perhaps the most fun Dragon would be Nelson Cruz, just so we could watch a man closer to us in age perform on the national stage with his Boom Stick.
Canberra: W, 2-(-2); 19PA, 14.3IP
| AVG: 0.211 | OBP: 0.211 | SLG: 0.263 | OPS: 0.474 |
| ERA: 0.00 | WHIP: 0.909 |
What an interesting line! One a full day of games in MLB, it is rare to see almost as many IP and PA for an EFL team – but that is close to what Canberra accomplished yesterday. The hitting was not great, but it didn’t matter because the 14 innings pitcher were essentially perfect. Caleb Smith went 6 innings (though he did give up 4 walks), Joey Lucchesi went 5.3 innings, and Collin McHugh went 3 innings. And not a single one of them gave up a single run. The offense tallied only 4 hits, 2 of them from Manuel Margot. There is no doubt who should represent the Roos in Coors. Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. already has 22 home runs on the year, and like Ohtani, has international appeal (Australia, Canada, the US and the Dominican!).
Pittsburgh: “L,” 7-6; 34PA, 1.7IP
| AVG: 0.323 | OBP: 0.382 | SLG: 0.516 | OPS: 0.898 |
| ERA: 0.00 | WHIP: 0.588 |
The Alleghenys has arguably the best offensive day in the EFL. Every batter but one earned a hit, and Christian Vazquez led the way with three of them, including a double. Trevor Larnach added a home run, and though the team collected 12 total strikeouts, they did enough with the balls they put in play to outscore their opponent. The pitching was also good, though too small in sample to really create a strong win. Two relievers appeared, neither gave up a run. This may be difficult to believe, but on a team with Max Muncy, Jorge Soler and Dansby Swanson, do you know who is leading the entire team in home runs? Jose Altuve! He has 16 home runs, and would be fun to have in a competition against some of the larger human beings in the game.
Cottage: W(-1), L (2), (-1)-5; 39PA, 10.7IP
| AVG: 0.184 | OBP: 0.205 | SLG: 0.342 | OPS: 0.547 |
| ERA: 5.05 | WHIP: 1.121 |
The Cheese might be the most volatile team in the EFL at the moment. Up and down, up and down, like a massive nacho cheese fountain spewing edible orange lava high into the air, landing on a plate of tortilla chips, then thrown to the ground in order to catch a foul ball coming his way. Yesterday’s volatility was due to poor hitting and poor pitching, costing them a total of 3 games on their record. The one bright spot? Ohtani himself, who after his announcement decided he would remind everyone why he was going to join the Derby, hitting two home runs in 5 at bats. We all know who the Cheese are sending to the Derby, and to be honest, none of us will feel badly if Ohtani walks away the champion. And the Cheese need something to look forward to, right?
Bellingham: L, 3-8; 25PA, 4.7IP
| AVG: 0.150 | OBP: 0.320 | SLG: 0.300 | OPS: 0.620 |
| ERA: 9.57 | WHIP: 2.979 |
I was listening to the game in which Michael Wacha was getting pummeled. I bet many of you were, too. I couldn’t remember which EFL team he was on, but I did feel badly for whoever it was. Does it help, Andre, that it was the Mariners who torched him? Not much exciting happened for the hitters, either, besides DJ LeMahieu hitting a home run (off of my pitcher…oops). The Cascades only have two players in double digits for home runs, and of the two, Ronald Acuna, Jr. is the best choice. He would be able to hit the ball a LOOOOONG way at Coors.
Portland: L, 5-8; 41PA, 8.7IP
| AVG: 0.257 | OBP: 0.366 | SLG: 0.343 | OPS: 0.709 |
| ERA: 7.24 | WHIP: 1.494 |
Maybe this is all the commentary you need to know – I spent over an hour yesterday with the Rosebud owner, and we didn’t talk once about the EFL. That, my friends, is extremely rare. Perhaps it was due to the many other good things we had to talk about, and perhaps it was due to the mediocrity of our seasons so far. Luis Urias did some good work at the plate, going 2 for 4 with a home run, stolen base, and a walk. Nick Solak and CJ Cron both added two singles a piece. But the pitching wasn’t very good, with Daniel Norris and Mike Foltynewicz giving up 7 runs in 6 innings. The Rosebuds are second in the league this month in home runs, did you know? But they only have one player in double digits this season – Tyler O’Neill, and he is who Portland should send.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2021
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 52 | 19 | .726 | — |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 46 | 25 | .652 | 5.3 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 43 | 28 | .606 | 8.6 |
| Boston Red Sox | 42 | 28 | .600 | 9.1 |
| New York Yankees | 36 | 33 | .522 | 14.6 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 33 | 35 | .485 | 17.1 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 23 | 46 | .333 | 27.6 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| D.C. Balk | 41 | 21 | .662 | — |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 37 | 25 | .602 | 3.8 |
| New York Mets | 35 | 27 | .565 | 6.1 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 33 | 34 | .493 | 10.6 |
| Atlanta Braves | 32 | 35 | .478 | 11.6 |
| Washington Nationals | 31 | 35 | .470 | 12.1 |
| Miami Marlins | 30 | 39 | .435 | 14.6 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago White Sox | 43 | 27 | .614 | — |
| Cleveland Indians | 38 | 29 | .567 | 3.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 38 | 32 | .544 | 4.9 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 33 | 37 | .468 | 10.3 |
| Kansas City Royals | 31 | 37 | .456 | 11 |
| Detroit Tigers | 29 | 41 | .414 | 14 |
| Minnesota Twins | 28 | 41 | .406 | 14.5 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago Cubs | 39 | 31 | .557 | — |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 38 | 32 | .543 | 1 |
| Cottage Cheese | 37 | 33 | .535 | 1.6 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 35 | 33 | .515 | 3 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 35 | 35 | .500 | 4 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 24 | 44 | .353 | 14 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Kaline Drive | 45 | 26 | .635 | — |
| Haviland Dragons | 45 | 26 | .629 | 0.4 |
| Oakland A’s | 44 | 27 | .620 | 1.1 |
| Houston Astros | 41 | 28 | .594 | 3.1 |
| Seattle Mariners | 36 | 36 | .500 | 9.6 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 35 | 35 | .500 | 9.6 |
| Texas Rangers | 25 | 44 | .362 | 19.1 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| San Francisco Giants | 45 | 25 | .643 | — |
| Peshastin Pears | 45 | 25 | .642 | 0.1 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 42 | 27 | .609 | 2.5 |
| San Diego Padres | 40 | 32 | .556 | 6 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 31 | 39 | .443 | 14 |
| Colorado Rockies | 30 | 41 | .423 | 15.5 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 20 | 51 | .282 | 25.5 |