League standings are conservative texts. They weight the first day of the season, almost 6 months ago, as heavily as yesterday. The longer the season, the more they mute change, de-linking status from what a team is doing right now., or even lately. The longer the season the more the standings lie about the present.
I can’t fix this entirely. A win is a win, except occasionally in the EFL where we can lose our wins if we stink badly enough. But we can also lose our losses if we play well enough… as one team in the EFL did yesterday.
I can’t undo privilege, but I can unmask it.
So let’s start with the reactionary standings…
EFL Standings for 2021
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 105 | 48 | .687 | — | 885.0 | 597.6 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 100 | 53 | .651 | 5.5 | 846.2 | 616.2 |
| D.C. Balk | 94 | 56 | .629 | 9.3 | 867.2 | 666.9 |
| Kaline Drive | 94 | 58 | .619 | 10.5 | 810.0 | 635.4 |
| Peshastin Pears | 92 | 60 | .605 | 12.6 | 772.2 | 630.2 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 83 | 67 | .556 | 20.2 | 801.2 | 725.9 |
| Cottage Cheese | 82 | 70 | .542 | 22.3 | 832.0 | 779.9 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 81 | 70 | .538 | 23 | 746.3 | 690.6 |
| Haviland Dragons | 81 | 71 | .532 | 23.8 | 788.7 | 765.0 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 77 | 74 | .510 | 27.1 | 640.0 | 627.9 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 76 | 76 | .499 | 28.9 | 809.5 | 823.0 |
… but let’s do our commentary as if the past were dead.
PORTLAND: W 2, L (-1); 17 – 3. (43 PA, .500, .535, 1.000; 2 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA) Movement in the standings: +1.8 games. Guess which team has the best record in September.
Yes, it’s the Rosebuds, at 14 – 6. And yesterday they had what might have been the best day of the year for anyone in the EFL. Here’s a list of their one-day accomplishments yesterday:
1. They double-won while losing a loss. This has happened before — even to the Rosebuds — but not accompanied by the rest of this list.
2. They gained 1.8 games in the standings.
3. They leapt from 30.7 games out to 28.9, making it pretty likely they won’t finish over 30 games back.
4. They set suddenly ablaze their race to get out of the cellar, popping up out of nowhere in Bellingham’s rear view mirror as one of those objects closer than they look.
5. They put themselves a hair’s breadth from going back over .500,
6. If they can gain that last millimeter and stay there, they would make this the first season in history in which every team really is above average — which is supposed to be impossible.
The glories of the Rosebud offense are too many to recount. CJ Cron went 4 for 5 with two doubles. Max Kepler went 3 for 4 with a double and two homers. Harrison Bader went 3 for 5 with a double. Tyler O’Neill went 2 for 5 with a double and a homer. The only Rosebud out of 11 who batted but didn’t get a hit was pinch-hitter Tyrone Taylor. The other pinch-hitter, Gary Sanchez, made up for it by hitting a home run. So even the pinch hitters OPSed 2.500.
Did you notice I didn’t even mention Luis Urias? That’s because his single single in 3 AB was only the 10th best performance of those 11 Rosebud hitters.
CANBERRA: W, 6 – (-6). (35 PA, .250 .382, .393; 16 ip, 2 er, 1.69 ERA). Movement in the standings: + 1.6 games. The Kangaroos came close to a double win lost loss day. They had a nice offensive line, but with only two bright highlights: Austin Meadows’ homer and Vladdy Jr.’s 2 for 3 with a double and a walk.
The Canny strength yesterday was pitching — so abundant and good it made me faint with envy. Chris Flexen went 7 innings, 1 er, carrying TWO teams to victory. Miles Mikolas added 7 more innings at the cost of only 2 er, and Caleb Smith covered two more scoreless innings. After struggling for a week to squeeze the last half of a game past the Cheese, the ‘Roos suddenly opened a 2-game gap between themselves and 7th place Cottage. That race isn’t officially over, but I hear the trumpeter warming up.
DC: W, 8-0. (38 PA, .294, .368, .588; 9.3 ip, 2 er , 1.94 ERA). Movement in the standings: + 1.3 games. In MLB, it’s rare for any team to gain more than a game in the standings. Double headers have to be involved. No one had a double header in the EFL yesterday, but we already have three teams gaining more than a game, with one more to go.
The Balk were excellent on both sides of the ball. Homers by Chapman, Hilliard and Alonso lit up the Balkan sky. Ian Anderson came all the back from a season-marring injury, going 7 innings allowing two hits and a walk, so the 1 earned run he allowed was mostly bad luck. The big win gives the Balk a good chance of finishing the season within 10 games of first place.
HAVILAND: W, 14 – 7. (36 PA, .400, .486, .833; 6 ip, 2 er, 3.00 ERA). Movement in Standings: +1.2 games. Yesterday was one of those days where you can gain more than a game in the standings and still be kinda disappointed. One of those days… maybe there’ve been two or three such days in the history of the EFL. It was one of those two or three.
The Dragons produced a team OPS of 1.319. They got two homers from Kyle Schwarber. Plus a double. They got another homer from Brendan Rodgers, plus a triple and a walk from Angels reject Jose Iglesias. Two of those three are ex-Wolverines, which hurts a little. Joe Ryan had a strong start — 5 ip, 2 er — and got an inning of scoreless relief.
Haviland has had a rough month, by EFL standards, poking along at 9 – 11 even after today. But they were outstanding yesterday, and cut in half the Alleghenys’ lead in the race for 8th place.
KALINE: “L”, 4 – 3. (35 PA, .242, .286, .333; 2 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA). Movement in Standings: + 0.7 games. The Drive weren’t very Driven yesterday. Nine batters filled the lineup but not the bases. Two pitchers, including erstwhile closer Dinelson Lamet, took the mound and kept runners off the bases, but only got 6 outs total. Such a listless approach to life will not normally succeed. But yesterday it was good enough to advance the Drive 0.7 games in the standings.
COTTAGE: L, 7 – 10. (48 PA, .381, .438, .548 — Happy Edgar Martinez Day! ; 9 ip, 8 er, 8.00 ERA) Movement in Standings: + 0.4 games. Now we come to a team that fought itself — and lost. And won. Cheesy hitters hit like Edgar in a very good year. Shohei Ohtani didn’t get any homers — not even any hits! — because he walked 4 times. Randy Arozarena didn’t walk at all, but went 3 for 5 with two doubles.
Having put up 7 runs, the hitters left the outcome to the pitchers.. Josiah Gray was ready and able (6 ip, 2 er) and Josh James overcame his manager’s disparaging remarks to complete a perfect inning of relief. But Taijuan Walker got the same number of outs as the entire Kaline staff (6) while surrendering 6 runs, a disastrous triple chulk. So the Cheese lost 7 – 10, a loss so big even the database noticed it.
On the other hand, the Cheese gained 0.4 games in the standings. So that’s like a win, right?
PITTSBURGH: DNP, (-2) – 0 (13 PA, .083, .154, .167; no pitching). Movement in Standings: + 0.3. The Alleghenys responded to the vacuum atop the standings by hunkering down on their off-day. No pitchers dared climb to the exposed top of the mound. Only four hitters braved the elements, and only one of them got a hit (Christian Vaquez’ double).
This risk-averse approach, reminiscent of the servant who buried the talent, did generate a small positive return. But when the average movement in the standings is about +0.8 games, a mere 0.3 game boost is, in essence, a loss.
FLINT HILL: “W”, 6 – 9. (59 PA, .196, .339, .348; 4 ip, 5 er, 11.25 ERA). Movement in the standings: +0.3. games. The Wolverines have been stumbling quite a bit lately — except for that one day when they boomed. Each time I wake up in a sweat, expecting to see a Tornado bearing down on me at 60 mph when my car is stuck in neutral. But usually the T’s have struggled almost as badly as the W’s, so the damage isn’t too bad.
Today was a great example. The batting line is flawed, but if the Flinty manager did his allocations right, it wouldn’t be hard to turn those stats into, say, 6 runs scored… and looky here, that’s exactly what he did!
But then comes the pitching. German Marquez stank, there’s no other way to see it. 4 ip, 5 er is not good. And when you leave 3 more innings vulnerable to replacement pitchers, it’s not hard to get to the vicinity of 9 runs allowed.
It’s nice to gain 0.3 games in a day. But with only 9 games to go, that pace will get the Flinties half way to first place. On a day when the Wolverines have not yet shown up on this update, that was a major opportunity wasted.
BELLINGHAM: DNP, (-2) – 1. (34 PA, .212, .235, .333; 4.4 ip, 3 er, 6.14 ERA). Movement in the Standings: + 0.2 games. Bryan De La Cruz tripled, and vowed to keep doing it until I admit he exists. And Alcides Escobar had two hits and a walk in 5 PA, and vowed to keep doing it until I admit he can hit a little. But the other 7 Cascade hitters went a measly .160, .160, .240.
The pitchers did nothing to help, although it could have been much worse. Brett Anderson was charged with 6 runs in 1.7 innings pitched, but there was a timely error, so only two of those runs were earned.
Normally the Cascades wouldn’t have been too troubled about a modest loss. They are sagging toward .500, but still have a reasonable cushion. But the Rosebuds suddenly are barreling toward them at a high speed, and a rear-end collision looms which might leave the mighty Cascades as a mere road bump on the Rosebud’s escape route from the cellar
PESHASTIN: L, 7 – 12 (28 PA, .292, .357, .583; 7 ip, 9 er, 10.29 ERA). Movement in the Standings: +0.1 game. Juan Soto hit another homer, walked twice, doubled, and singled in 5 plate appearances.
No, listen: no one could get Soto out! He never used up any of his team’s opportunities. He improved their situation every time he got to the plate. Which is how the Pears could score 7 runs. Soto had 4 extra bases. So did the rest of the team. Soto had 2 walks; the rest of the team had one. Soto had 3 hits, the rest of the team had 4. Soto had 1 double, the rest of the team had zero.
But Soto can’t pitch. Ross Stripling can, supposedly, but he went 1.3 ip while serving up 5 earned runs. That’s only a triple chulk. Zach Thompson gave away 3 earned runs in 0.3 innings pitched for neat nonuple Chulk.
Fortunately for Pears fans the world over Luis Patino worked 3 scoreless innings, and Yimi Garcia and Kendall Graveman combined for 2.3 more. Otherwise the Pears would have had the noxious distinction of being the only team yesterday to lose ground to the pathetic…
OLD DETROIT: L, 3 – 9 (55 PA, .229, .273, .417; 4.7 ip 5 er 9.57 ERA). Movement in the Standings: none, the baseline against which everyone else measures their success. The hitting wasn’t great. The best hitter, Luis Garcia (2 for 5 with a homer and a double) did all that damage for the Toledo MudHamsters.
But the real tragedy was in the pitching: the Wolverine Ace, Walker Buehler, got crushed for 5 earned runs in only 3.7 innings. Nate Pearson was rushed to the mound to do what he could. He did what he could, which is strike out batters (1 K) and walk them (1 BB), but his scoreless inning could not undo the damage.
The suddenly pitching-starved Wolverines had their top two pitchers go to the mound in successive days. Between them they endured only 7.7 innings, and gave up 9 earned runs.
No Wolverines are scheduled to start today. Things are so bad I can’t tell if that’s a blessing or a curse. I guess I have to hope the Tornados keep spinning in place.
Such are the desperate ravings of those clinging to power who no longer deserve it. That, and this:
“The past is never dead. It’s not even the past.”
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2021
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 105 | 48 | .687 | — |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 100 | 53 | .651 | 5.5 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 94 | 59 | .614 | 11.1 |
| Boston Red Sox | 88 | 65 | .575 | 17.1 |
| New York Yankees | 86 | 67 | .562 | 19.1 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 85 | 67 | .559 | 19.6 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 48 | 104 | .316 | 56.6 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| D.C. Balk | 94 | 56 | .629 | — |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 83 | 67 | .556 | 10.9 |
| Atlanta Braves | 80 | 70 | .533 | 14.3 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 78 | 74 | .513 | 17.3 |
| New York Mets | 73 | 79 | .480 | 22.3 |
| Miami Marlins | 64 | 88 | .421 | 31.3 |
| Washington Nationals | 63 | 89 | .414 | 32.3 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago White Sox | 85 | 66 | .563 | — |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 81 | 70 | .538 | 3.8 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 77 | 74 | .510 | 7.9 |
| Cleveland Indians | 74 | 76 | .493 | 10.5 |
| Detroit Tigers | 74 | 78 | .487 | 11.5 |
| Kansas City Royals | 69 | 83 | .454 | 16.5 |
| Minnesota Twins | 67 | 85 | .441 | 18.5 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 91 | 61 | .599 | — |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 82 | 69 | .543 | 8.5 |
| Cottage Cheese | 82 | 70 | .542 | 8.6 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 78 | 74 | .513 | 13 |
| Chicago Cubs | 67 | 85 | .441 | 24 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 57 | 94 | .377 | 33.5 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Kaline Drive | 94 | 58 | .619 | — |
| Houston Astros | 91 | 61 | .599 | 3.1 |
| Seattle Mariners | 83 | 69 | .546 | 11.1 |
| Oakland A’s | 82 | 70 | .539 | 12.1 |
| Haviland Dragons | 81 | 71 | .532 | 13.3 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 72 | 80 | .474 | 22.1 |
| Texas Rangers | 55 | 97 | .362 | 39.1 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| San Francisco Giants | 99 | 53 | .651 | — |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 97 | 55 | .638 | 2 |
| Peshastin Pears | 92 | 60 | .605 | 7 |
| San Diego Padres | 76 | 75 | .503 | 22.5 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 76 | 76 | .499 | 23.2 |
| Colorado Rockies | 71 | 80 | .470 | 27.5 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 48 | 104 | .316 | 51 |