Fangraphs is Hiring

Fangraphs is looking for a new writer.  It’s part-time and it’s paid.

If this opportunity had popped up in my in-box when I was, say, 23, my life would have unfolded much differently. Of course, I didn’t have an in-box when I was 23, not even a wooden one with actual clay tablets in it.  The internet was still a gleam in Al Gore’s eye then, and my first computer wasn’t even a gleam in my own eye.

But now I’m 58 and a notice like this comes across my desk, and I say “Hmm! Wouldn’t that be… no, it wouldn’t.”  I couldn’t even finish thinking one thought about it for myself.

Why would I?  I have a much better job, making more money, offering more variety and stimulation, and far more congenial to marital harmony.  Plus I can still write about baseball to a loyal and impressive (if small) audience anytime I feel like it, like I have for years now.  And never yet have I gotten anything remotely resembling hate mail. Not even when I am making fun of other people’s teams or calling for the immediate overthrow of the Allegheny tyranny.

But what about some of you?  Tom is free. He has the wit to shine brightly on the Fangraphs page.  Mark J is busy, I know, but maybe he still has the flexibility to add a new branch to his career tree.  Ryan is swamped at the moment, I presume, preparing to argue for (or against) Lorenzo Cain and Jenrry Mejia in that baseball contract arbitration contest he’s in. But once that’s over, what’s he going to do with all that free time as a law student coasting through his final semester?

Come on, you have to admit it’s a tempting opportunity.

I have an idea — not a thought, nothing so well-reasoned as that, I don’t have time now for a thought.  But an idea? Sure, I can come up with one of those.  Here it is:  maybe we should apply, all nine of us, as if we were one person. It’ll all be done remotely, of course, so they’ll never know.  We can send them Mark J or Ryan’s picture, so they think we’re young and good looking.  We can even send one of them to represent us if there’s an in-person interview.  Then we’d rotate doing the job, each of us coming up with something once every nine days. It’d be a cinch!

Who’s in?  I’ll take the ninth turn.  And by the way, could you cover for me on my turn? Just this once?