The EFL is just better

Whatever happened to the decline in offense? In the EFL yesterday the average game saw a total of 11.5 runs scored — a huge increase from recent stats indicating that the average score in a game was down to 8 runs.  Just one more way the EFL offers a more exciting product than MLB.

 

 

Haviland: W, 9 – 4. .353, .405, .559; 0 ip, 0 er.  In the EFL there is way more flexibility. If your pitchers are all busy on a particular day, it’s not a huge problem.  You can just award the visiting team the runs you would give up on an average day,  skip their turns to bat and let the fans watch your team bat for nine innings.  This works especially well if your batters are having a really good day..

Old Detroit: “W”, 2 – 2. .200, .289, .275; 14.7 ip, 4 er.  EFL games are more responsive to fans’ desires. In the EFL, the pitchers can get 44 outs in a game while the batters only make 36.  If Trevor Bauer has already pitched 6 innings but the fans want to see Madison Bumgarner go 8 innings, too, you can accommodate them.  And if the fans suddenly get tired of the game with two outs in the top of the 14th, you can say “all right, that’s enough” and determine the game winner in some other way.  Maybe penalty kicks.

Cottage:  W: 12 – 6. .500, .599, .714; 11 ip, 7 er.   In the EFL, even if you’re way ahead, you can go 11 innings if you want.  You can also bat an 8-man lineup, and let your shortstop bat only once. And those 8 hitters can make only 15 outs and then take the rest of the day off.  It’s like having a DH only more so.

Peshastin:  L, 5 – 6. .259, .310, .481;  7.3 ip, 5 er.  In the EFL, you can bring up your prize prospect pitcher — Brandon Finnegan, the one you keep touting as the next Chris Sale — he can go one inning, allow one earned run, and get the win.  Oh, wait.  You can do that in MLB, too.  But here’s what you can’t do in MLB — give him a win, and still lose the game!

Pittsburgh:  W 1, L 1; 7 – (-1). .486, .514, .686;  3 ip, 0 er.  In the EFL, the other team can just give up after 3 fruitless innings, despairing because they can’t score even against Radhames Liz. But you can go on batting for three more innings and rack up a 1.999 team OPS, just because they’re having so much fun — and be rewarded by being allowed to pass three teams in the standings.  Of course, it helps if your team wins basically all the EFL championships and is patently favored by the baseball gods.

Portland: “L”,  7 – 6. .333, .412,.533.  0 ip, 0 er.  I hasten to add that, of course, the EFL baseball gods are not fickle and unjust.  No, far from it… if you insist on pulling the “no pitchers today” trick, and the gods are not too busy coddling their Allegheny favorites, they may come around and punish you by recording a loss even though you outscored your opponents.

Flint Hill:  L, 6 – 11.   .286, .333, .464;  15.7 ip,  13 er.  In the EFL, sometimes you get 15.7 inning games featuring three combustible starting pitchers. Fireworks everywhere! And if only 7 hitters feel like coming out to the game, you can play with replacements recruited from the stands — and still score 6 runs!

Kaline:  L,  6 – 13. .293, .326, .463; 7.3 ip, 12 er.  In the EFL, you can wait for years for a hot prospect pitcher like A.J. Cole to finally make it to the big leagues.  And then, out of the blue, there he is! He pops up to make an unannounced big league start — and chulks (2 ip, 4 er).  In the EFL, you can relieve the now-former-phenom with a veteran (Kyle Kendrick) and watch him come within one out of a chulk of his own (4.3 ip, 8 er).  And in the EFL, the umps can have mercy on your fans and send them home with one out in the 8th inning.  Well, that’s one out in the visiting team’s 8th inning.  Your team has already made 29 outs, so it was 2 outs into the 10th inning for the home team.  This kind of asymmetrical play just adds another dimension of intrigue  to the EFL.

Canberra:  W, 8 – 5. .316, .381, .553;  6 ip, 1 er.  In the EFL, if Erasmo Ramirez torches his first two starts (5.3 ip, 15 earned runs), you can demote him to the bullpen, publicly draw him and quarter him, and trade what’s left of him to the Wolverines.  But you can make the trade effective two weeks later, so if he gets the message and buckles down and in his next three appearances pitches 6 innings and allows only one earned run and lowers his ERA by 19 points, you can get the benefit of his reformation and enjoy the excruciation of regret that maybe you were too hasty, and you can think maybe you should go to the beneficent Wolverine Master and throw yourself at his feet and plead for mercy and ask him if he would take Taijuan Walker instead, and you can count on a gracious response. Especially when tomorrow’s your birthday.