League Updates

Congraduations

I spent the weekend on a 54-hour road trip to Washington, D.C.  Notice how much of my 6,000 mile trip was devoted to the actual conferral of a new degree:

  1. 12 hours sitting on planes, not one trip to the toilet.
  2. 11  hours lying in bed.
  3. 6 hours sitting in restaurants.
  4. 4 hours sitting in airports waiting to get on planes
  5. 3 hours in a gym waiting for and watching a graduation ceremony, my third (out of four) of this academic year.
  6. 3 hours walking around from place to place, or lost.
  7. 2 hours waiting in subway stations
  8. 2 hours riding subways.
  9. 2 hours chatting with strangers at a graduation reception at the National Air and Space Museum, standing the entire time and not getting to look at any of the exhibits, including some new ones since my most recent visit three or four years ago.
  10. 2 hours parking, riding taxis, riding busses, printing tickets, standing in line, partially disrobing, being x-rayed, partially re-robing and otherwise trying to get into airports.
  11. 2 hours collecting bags and otherwise trying to get out of airports.
  12. 1 hour sitting on the Mall relaxing
  13. 1 hour touring a law school
  14. 1 hour touring Ryan’s new apartment
  15. 1 hour shopping for Ryan’s graduation present (15 minutes) and his graduation card (45 minutes, including the time spent composing and writing a personal message in the card).
  16. 1 hour doing miscellaneous things (showering, changing clothes, etc.)
  17. 0.01 hours giving Ryan his present. 
  18. 0.01 hours cheering for Ryan at graduation.
  19. 0.01 hours verbally congratulating him. 
  20. 0.0001 hours hugging him. 

That’s 54 hours from the moment I parked my car at PDX until the moment I got back into it.  All so I could spend about 3 minutes (0.06%) of the time actually taking my small part in Ryan’s graduation.

You could say the trip was 0.06% the reality of graduation and 99.94% mere hand waving.   Whereas an EFL season is 100% hand waving and, by definition, 0.00% reality. I’m pretty sure there’s an insight hiding in that data.

EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Haviland Dragons 25 15 .633 191.9 147.0
Old Detroit Wolverines 25 15 .614 0.7 212.1 168.7
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 24 15 .613 0.9 193.7 154.2
Cottage Cheese 20 19 .517 4.6 175.3 169.2
Canberra Kangaroos 20 20 .501 5.3 228.9 223.6
Peshastin Pears 19 19 .493 5.6 155.9 157.1
Kaline Drive 19 21 .480 6.1 168.7 176.8
Flint Hill Tornadoes 17 23 .416 8.7 163.2 192.2
Portland Rosebuds 16 22 .411 8.7 164.2 198.2

Haviland:   W 1, L 1; 12 – 8.  .333, .370, .588; 3 ip, 1 er.  The Dragons got another chance to be in first, thanks to the gracious  Wolverine offense. (“Blessed are the meek, for they shall see the Dragons inherit the earth… for a day or two.”)  Congratulations, Haviland, on what I expect to be your last graduation to first place in 2015. (Yes, I am a little depressed, and no, I don’t need any medication. My chemical balance is not the problem.)

Old Detroit:  L , (-2) – 5.  .177, .215, .275; 30.3 ip, 14 er.  The good Corey Kluber is back — 9 ip, 1 er this time — and Wade Miley (7 ip, 2 er)  and Trevor Bauer (7.3 ip, 1 er) did good work.  But Erasmo Ramirez is moving in precisely the direction Canberra predicted to me last weekend (5 ip, 3 er) and the bad Francisco Liriano showed up yesterday with a triple chulk (2 ip, 7 er).  All this is meaningless, of course, if the W’s keep not hitting. Giancarlo Stanton (1 for 8) dragged the W’s down even though he hit another prodigious home run.

Pittsburgh: W, 1 – (-2). .250, .310, .344; 26.3 ip, 4 er.  Allegheny hitters took it easy the last couple of days while their pitchers sharpened their knives in preparation for the final assault on the the EFL pinnacle. Allegheny kith and kin are coming from everywhere, ready to celebrate yet another Pittsburgh coronation.

But who will actually crown them king?  Ryan received his degree from an impressive, jovial dean with a big voice and flowing robes. Charlemagne had Pope Leo III.  David had Samuel to anoint him. On the other hand, Napoleon could find no one with the proper credentials who was willing to do the task.

Napoleon solved the problem by crowning himself. But this presents all the wrong images if you are thinking about issues of legitimacy.  When Dan Jennings did the same thing by appointing himself the Marlins manager, Ichiro recognized the problem.  With his hall of fame ticket already printed, and his universal respect around baseball, Ichiro may not be the pope of baseball, but he’s almost its Gandalf.  He anointed Jennings the new Marlins manager by this suitable gesture:

url

(Get it? “Suit”able gesture? A necktie?)

Anyway, I hope the Alleghenys recognize the mistake they would be making to once again crown themselves Emperors of the EFL.  They should probably delay taking over until they’ve arranged for someone of at least Ichiroic stature to at least necklace — I mean, necktie — them.  This may require immense self-restraint, or some propping up of the flailing Dragons, but it will be much better than another mere usurpation.

Cottage: W 0, L 2; 8 – 14. .279, .325, .324; 24.7 ip, 13 er. Reliever Andrew Miller triple chulked (0.7 ip, 2 er) but otherwise it was mostly mediocrity that did in the Cheese. I keep approving Cottage for graduation into the top tier of contenders in the EFL, and there always seems to be some hang-up. Someday we’ll clear away the cobwebs and make it happen.

Canberra: W 0, L 2; 7 – 17. .256, .333, .419; 5.7 ip, 4 er.  Just when the Kangaroos were about to graduate to the EFL upper division, Taijuan Walker has another setback (3.7 ip, 4 er).  Don’t worry, Captain Kangaroo, the Wolverines are headed your way.  Soon we’ll be located even closer to each other than we are in real life.

Peshastin: W, 2 – (-3).  .220, .258, .373; 8 ip 1 er.  That Chris Sale outdueled Corey Kluber on Sunday.  He didn’t pitch better (Sale only went 8 innings to Kluber’s 9, and only struck out 7 to Kluber’s 12), but his team won whereas Kluber’s team lost.

Kaline: W 1,  L 1; 3 – 2. .143, .176, .163;  16 ip, 1 er.  Another outstanding pitching performance matched with hitting at the other extreme of the performance spectrum. It’s almost like Drive hitters were being mowed down by their own pitchers. At any rate, it worked to keep the Drive upward momentum.

Flint Hill: “W”,  5 – 6.  .261, .308, .500;  7.3 ip, 2 er.  Adam Harang’s career deserves an upgrade from  dead (cut by the M’s!) to zombie (unstoppable!).  He went another six scoreless innings yesterday. I suppose his pact with the devil will expire someday, but in the meantime he’s amazing.

Portland:  W 2, L (-1);  5 – (-6).  .283, .306, .500; 21.7 ip, 4 er.  This year the EFL cellar seems to have a rubber floor. Everyone who goes down there bounces back out sooner or later.  The Rosebuds didn’t get all the way back to 8th place, but they missed by an exceedingly narrow margin.  Perhaps we’ll be able to send them a “Congratulations” card tomorrow, and the Tornados a “Get Well Soon.”

 

1 Comment

  • Actually, my math was wrong. The trip lasted 62 hours. I don’t know what happened to the other 8 hours.