I was poking around for political news this afternoon when I found myself at the 538 website run by Nate Silver. There, tucked among articles explaining why Joe Biden was right to not run, and how old a person will be before everyone else in his fantasy league is married (no, I am not making this up), there was this article ranking each MLB team’s pitching ace.
Ok, ok, it wasn’t on Nate Silver’s site. But he had a link to it on the Point After site.
So, since it was Nate Silver-endorsed, I knew it had to be a great list, and that I would find there the explanation I have been seeking for why the Wolverines fell short yet again. (I mean, besides trading away Altuve.)
And here is what I found:
- The first ace on the list was Cottage Cheese Aaron Nola! Wow!
- I bet you didn’t know that Wolverine Wade Miley is an ace — for the storied Boston Red Sox! — the FOURTH name on the list!
Oh, wait… I’m holding the list wrong. Nola is #30 (Phillies), and Miley is #27. But, hey, they’re still on the list of aces!
Now that I have the list right side up, let’s look for more EFL highlights.
#25: Taylor Jungmann, Flint Hill. When he’s doing the Chris Young act at 39, his name will be well over on the ironic side, too.
#23: Andrew DeSclafani, Old Detroit. Not that I’m crowing or anything, but here’s what Point After has to say about this late-round Wolverine pick:
By the end of September, the team had started a rookie pitcher in 59 straight games, and DeSclafani has been the most promising of them all… His 3.2 WAR are the most by any pitcher on the team… If he continues on his current path, he’ll become a reliable frontline starter for a team that’s in desperate need of one.
I think they overestimate Wolverine desperation (see below), but otherwise the author seems to be awfully insightful.
#22: Garrett Richards, Peshastin. The blurb about him says he had a nice comeback from injury, but “hasn’t quite looked like the same pitcher.”
It may be hard to believe but, remember, Nate Silver endorsed this article. So there has to be something to it. Therefore, as Commissioner, I am directing the Pears to investigate who it is exactly that has come back from Garrett Richards’ injury. Because if it isn’t the same Garrett Richards, you don’t own him.
#20: Shelby Miller, Pittsburgh. The other half of the Altuve trade — yes, I’m pretty sure both halves went to Pittsburgh — was Shelby Miller who is now an ace, “a reliable frontline starter for the (Alleghenys) for years to come.” So, yeah, ok, we all get the point. Despite what some have said recently, the Wolverines can be relied upon to regularly provide their rivals with the heart of a championship roster.
#18: Johnny Cueto, Haviland. Here he is, the ace of the defending World Series champions, and he couldn’t even make the active roster on the Fantasy World Champion Dragons. That’s showboating, if you ask me, rubbing our noses in it, like tossing your bat up in the air after a game winning homer, or walking on the mound on your way back to first from third. Someone needs a pitch in the ribcage.
#17: Tyson Ross, Flint Hill. Man — the Tornadoes have two aces right off the official list of aces, already. Any team that has two aces out of the top — or, in this case, the bottom — half of the MLB list is destined for greatness. If you don’t believe me, name me one EFL team with two top-30 aces on this list already which is NOT destined for greatness.
#15: Felix Hernandez, formerly from Old Detroit. Felix’s EFL career is almost certainly over, but I thought his fate in his declining elderly years (he’s 29 already) might interest all the Wolverine fans in the league… and, having just heard from that fan, I was right.
#14: Cole Hamels, Pittsburgh. Point After says Hamels wasn’t “quite as dominant (late in the season)… as he was… but his arrival coincided with the (Alleghneys’) ascent to the top of the (Wolverines).” (I’m sorry — all these elisions are not dirty words, just irrelevant and confusing ones.) Of course — the Alleghenys use him up in a heroic dash to within a fraction of a game of the top, and now they’ll just toss him on the trash heap. You wonder why anyone ever wants to play in Pittsburgh (other than all the championship rings you get there).
#13: Sonny Gray, Cottage. Sheesh. Now everyone in the EFL has two aces from the list. (I’m not overlooking anyone, am I?) So I guess it doesn’t mean all that much to have two aces from the top 30 list. I’m sorry, Cottage, I didn’t mean to pop your balloon as soon as you’d gotten it.
#11: Chris Archer, Haviland. Oh, ok, there was one other team without two aces. But now that we’ve corrected that oversight… I guess it would have been pretty hard to beat the Alleghenys without two aces. I’m sorry, I should have known to be more careful not to overlook anyone.
#8: Corey Kluber, Old Detroit. So, if everyone’s had their fill, is it ok if the Wolverines go back for thirds? I know he’s listed at #8 and it’s kind of piggish for the Wolverines to take more than their share, but Point After says “Kluber might not ever be as good as he was in 2014” so it’s not like he’s all that great.
#7: Chris Sale, Peshastin. Oh, my, I’m so sorry, Pears, I didn’t realize you hadn’t had seconds yet… on the other hand, I’ve seen your owner go back for thirds many times over the last 40+ years. I saw him do it just last Tuesday. And, anyway, Sale got a much more glowing write up than Kluber: “He’s accumulated 21 WAR over the past four seasons, and this year he’s been at his most dominant.”
#6: Max Scherzer, Peshastin. Hey! This is exactly what I saw you doing on Tuesday — taking seconds and thirds in one trip to the dessert table! And these aren’t stale co0kies… they’re stinking Scherzer and Sale, guys you’ll have “dominating” us for… well, in Sale’s case, right up until last Oct 4. But Scherzer’s yours for years to come.
#4: Madison Bumgardner, Old Detroit. (whistling nonchalantly.)
#3: David Price, Pittsburgh. Ok, the Alleghenys stole him at the last draft, but they’re paying $8,000,000 a year (compared to Bumgardner’s $10,250,000) and they only have him through 2018 (compared to Bumgarner’s 2019 contract). So it isn’t so bad.
Oops. That’s the last of the aces, other than Arrieta (#2) and Kershaw (#1) — but who’d want them, anyway? I hope everyone who wanted an ace got one before we ran out. Probably they did — but if anyone didn’t, go talk to Phil.
Now, somehow, one of our teams ended up with 4 aces. Probably that team should have won the championship this year. In fact, probably that team DID win the championship! Something pretty nefarious had to happen to deny the crown to a team with 4 aces!
Someone should look into this. Do you think the Benghazi Committee has any room in its schedule?