League Updates

One of these is not like the others

Today I have proof there are baseball demons.  And they’re out to get me.

EFL Standings for 2016
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Haviland Dragons 79 45 .636 642.2 483.2
Portland Rosebuds 77 46 .624 1.6 628.1 481.8
Old Detritus Woeverines 76 47 .616 2.6 645.1 508.5
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 72 49 .596 5.2 649.9 537.9
Canberra Kangaroos 70 52 .570 8.3 604.2 505.6
Peshastin Pears 67 56 .546 11.2 594.8 535.2
Kaline Drive 60 64 .484 18.8 625.0 652.0
Flint Hill Tornadoes 59 64 .477 19.7 520.7 544.3
Cottage Cheese 55 67 .449 23 582.4 644.0
D.C. Balk 42 80 .342 36.2 497.4 697.2
Haviland: W, 10 – 4 (.371 .450, .743; 0.7 ip, 0 er) .
Portland:W, 5 – 1. (.259, .328, .517 in 64 plate appearnances! 9 ip, 0 er).
Old Detritus: L, 2- 6.  (.143, .167, .172;  12 ip, 5 er plus terrible pitching allocation). 
Pittsburgh: W, 7 – 3 (.296, .387, .481;  9.3 ip, 3 er).
Canberra:  W, 9 – 3. (.258, .378, .548;  9 ip, 3 er). .
Peshastin:  W,  3 – (-2). (.297, .366, .405;  14.0 ip, 4 er).
Kaline: W, 11 – 5. (.395, .410, .816;  2 ip, 1 er).
I’ve made up alternate names for use when EFL teams stink. I don’t use them here because, as you all know, I would never make fun of other people’s teams.  Some of them are pretty good, though, like these:
Haventland Drag Ons
Portapotty Nosebuds
Old Detritus Woeverines
Pitsburgh Allegations
Cantbeara Kangabruise
Peshaftin Pares
Alkaline Dribble
I feel clear about mentioning these today because … well, look at the daily results for all seven of these teams.  Clearly all (but one) of these mal-monikers are misnomers.  Which one does not belong with the others?  Which one did not stomp its opponents for a resounding win?  Which one did not keep up with the blistering pace set by the Dragons? (Yes – the others are all exactly the same distance behind first place as yesterday, except the Pears and the Drive who each gained 0.1 games.)   Correction: which one matched the Dragons’ blistering pace, but in the opposite direction?   Only one team fits the description:  The One-and-Only True-Blue Genuine Article Old Detritus Woeverines, on pace to be passed by all the others on the list.
Flint Hill:  “W”, 4 – 5. (.250, .323, .464; 7.3 ip 3 er).
Cottage: “W”, 5 – 7. (.294, .351, .412; no pitching).
DC: “W”, 6 – 10. (.278, .333, .472; 7.3 ip,7 er).
I haven’t really settled on alternate names for these teams (although in the case of the Cottage Cheese it’s more a matter of indecision than lack of inspiration), but I wouldn’t use them anyway since these teams’ misfortunes are ample already this year. I have no scores to settle with any of them, other than the Cheese’s role in the Jose Altuve debacle.  But today it becomes clear just how abused the Woeverines are by the baseball demons:  none of the bottom three teams outscored their opponents, yet they were awarded “wins”  just to highlight all the more the Woeverines’ humiliation.
.
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Old Detroit Wolverines 76 47 .616
Toronto Blue Jays 70 53 .569 5.8
Boston Red Sox 69 53 .566 6.3
Baltimore Orioles 67 55 .549 8.3
New York Yankees 63 59 .516 12.3
Flint Hill Tornadoes 59 64 .477 17.1
Tampa Bay Rays 51 70 .421 23.8
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Washington Nationals 73 49 .598
Canberra Kangaroos 70 52 .570 3.4
Miami Marlins 64 59 .520 9.5
New York Mets 61 62 .496 12.5
Philadelphia Phillies 58 66 .468 16
Atlanta Braves 44 79 .358 29.5
D.C. Balk 42 80 .342 31.3
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 72 49 .596
Cleveland Indians 70 51 .579 2.2
Detroit Tigers 64 59 .520 9.2
Kansas City Royals 63 60 .512 10.2
Chicago White Sox 58 64 .475 14.7
Minnesota Twins 49 74 .398 24.2
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Chicago Cubs 78 44 .639
St. Louis Cardinals 65 57 .533 13
Pittsburgh Pirates 62 58 .517 15
Cottage Cheese 55 67 .449 23.2
Cincinnati Reds 53 69 .434 25
Milwaukee Brewers 52 70 .426 26
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Haviland Dragons 79 45 .636
Texas Rangers 73 51 .589 5.9
Seattle Mariners 66 56 .541 11.9
Houston Astros 63 60 .512 15.4
Kaline Drive 60 64 .484 18.8
Oakland A’s 53 70 .431 25.4
Los Angeles Angels 51 72 .415 27.4
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Portland Rosebuds 77 46 .624
San Francisco Giants 68 55 .553 8.8
Los Angeles Dodgers 67 55 .549 9.3
Peshastin Pears 67 56 .546 9.6
Colorado Rockies 59 64 .480 17.8
San Diego Padres 52 71 .423 24.8
Arizona Diamondbacks 51 72 .415 25.8