League Updates

If you can’t beat the Wolverines…

… because it’s someone else’s turn, then try beating the Mariners, like the guy in the picture did yesterday.  They are pretty much the same team, except the W’s don’t have any really good hitters like Robinson Cano or Nelson Cruz. Or that EWIE Jean Segura.

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EFL Standings for 2017
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Cottage Cheese 34 15 .696 272.4 177.0
Haviland Dragons 32 18 .648 2.2 301.5 221.7
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 28 17 .622 4.1 229.3 177.5
Flint Hill Tornadoes 27 19 .592 5.4 209.9 173.0
Kaline Drive 29 21 .580 5.6 229.2 196.2
Peshastin Pears 29 22 .565 6.3 244.7 221.5
Portland Rosebuds 29 22 .560 6.5 278.6 240.1
Canberra Kangaroos 27 21 .558 6.8 245.2 213.2
Old Detroit Wolverines 19 27 .416 13.5 179.4 214.4
D.C. Balk 17 31 .355 16.6 224.5 303.5
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Cheese: W 1, L 1; 12 – 8. (.281, .361, .531; 0 pitching). Must be nice, must be nice, to have lots of extra pitching on your side. So you can get through an entire double header pitcherless without having to dip into replacements. Also to have Mike Trout (2 for 4 with a homer and a walk)… no, I mean Travis d’Arnaud (3 for 5 with a double and a homer).
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Dragons:  “L”, 7 – 3. (. 250, .379, .542;  1 ip, 0 er).  Sheesh — you’d almost think the key to success in the EFL is to avoid sending pitchers to the mound.  With the Dragons’ minimal pitching, the top two teams fielded an average of 0.3 innings of pitching per game. Zack Cozart drove the win — well, the phony loss — with his 4 for 4 day, with a homer, a double, and a walk
Alleghenys:  W, 7 – (-1). (.278, .438, .361;  23.7 ip, 5 er).  I guess it’s ok to have some pitching, if your daily ERA is going to be only 1.90  — thanks mostly to Stephen Strasburg’s 7 shutout innings with 15 strikeouts and 1 walk. 
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Tornadoes: W, 5 – 3.  (.455, .455, .545;  9 ip, 0 er).  Brian Johnson’s not THAT good, is he, to pitch a complete game shutout? He’s 26, and this was his third appearance in MLB.  His first was in 2015 (4.3 ip, 4 er, 3 so, 4 walks). His second was April 18 (5 ip,  4 er, 6 k, 3 w). Now a complete game with 0 er, 8 strikeouts, and no walks.  What happened?  Oh, wait, I see: he got to face the Mariners.  That explains it. If you can’t pitch against the Wolverines, the M’s are a pretty good backup option.  Oh, and one other thing: that Tornado of a batting line? It’s only 11 plate appearances from just 4 players.  So that’s not as good as it looks.
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Drive: W, 1 – (-6). (.159, .178, .227;  16 ip, 3 er).  That wonderful pitching (Michael Fulmer’s complete game with only 3 er — obviously not facing the M’s — and Chase Anderson’s near no-hitter in 7 frames (1 hit, 11 Ks, 3 walks) made up for wolveritic excrement at the plate. A whole lot of it. 45 plate appearances (including the one walk). Michael Saunders hit a solo homer for the winning run. 
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Pears: “W”, 3 – 5. (.200, .333, .275;  6.3 ip, 3 er).  Nothing remarkable here, except maybe Jackie Bradley Jr.’s long home run against the Mariners, and the beginning of the slide back toward 8th place I warned you about.  This starts a string of 3 phony wins in a row in the EFL standings, which I believe either sets or ties the all-time league record for faux wins in a row.
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Rosebuds: “W”, 1 – 4. (.222, .263, .250;  0 pitching). Nice try with the zero pitching gambit. But, to our mutual surprise, the Rosebuds don’t have the chops to go without pitching for a day and still win.  Especially not with anemic hitting.
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Kangaroos: “W”, 2 – 2. (.267, .283, .378; 3.7 ip, 0 er).  Good relief pitching saved the day.  This was only a “W” instead of a W because the ‘Roos got outscored by 0.1 runs. 
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Wolverines:  L, 2 – 4. (.194, .242, .258; 13.3 ip, 9 er).  Like giardia, once you get wolveritis you never really get over it. Those wolveritic bacteria live in your gut and look for any excuse to express re-multiply and make you sick again.  Like yesterday. On the other hand, the W’s pulled a fast one on the demons out to ruin our season. Rob Whalen went to the mound for the Mariners, surrendered 3 runs in the first inning and ended the day with 5.3 ip, 5 er.  So the demons were appeases… with a sacrificial lamb who wasn’t even active on our roster!  The rest of our pitching staff went 8 ip, 4 er. I know, you wouldn’t be that excited about a 4.50 daily ERA, but we are easily thrilled this year in Old Detroit. 
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Balk: “L”, 3 – 3. (.250, .294, .281;  15 ip, 8 er.) Hmmm. The active batters didn’t really batter anything much.  But Robbie Grossman and Omar Narvaez, down on the AAA Chevy Chase Twitch, combined to go 3 for 5 with two walks.  The Balk team OPS: .575.  The Twitch team OPS: 1.314. 
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
New York Yankees 28 18 .609
Flint Hill Tornadoes 27 19 .592 0.8
Boston Red Sox 27 21 .563 2
Baltimore Orioles 25 22 .532 3.5
Tampa Bay Rays 26 26 .500 5
Toronto Blue Jays 23 26 .469 6.5
Old Detroit Wolverines 19 27 .416 8.9
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Washington Nationals 30 18 .625
Canberra Kangaroos 27 21 .558 3.2
Atlanta Braves 21 26 .447 8.5
New York Mets 20 27 .426 9.5
Miami Marlins 17 30 .362 12.5
Philadelphia Phillies 17 30 .362 12.5
D.C. Balk 17 31 .355 13
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 28 17 .622
Minnesota Twins 26 19 .578 2
Cleveland Indians 24 23 .511 5
Detroit Tigers 23 25 .479 6.5
Chicago White Sox 22 25 .468 7
Kansas City Royals 21 27 .438 8.5
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Cottage Cheese 34 15 .696
Milwaukee Brewers 26 23 .531 8.1
St. Louis Cardinals 24 22 .522 8.6
Chicago Cubs 25 23 .521 8.6
Cincinnati Reds 23 25 .479 10.6
Pittsburgh Pirates 23 27 .460 11.6
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Houston Astros 34 16 .680
Haviland Dragons 32 18 .648 1.6
Kaline Drive 29 21 .580 5
Los Angeles Angels 26 26 .500 9
Texas Rangers 24 26 .480 10
Oakland A’s 22 26 .458 11
Seattle Mariners 21 29 .420 13
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Colorado Rockies 32 19 .627
Arizona Diamondbacks 31 20 .608 1
Los Angeles Dodgers 30 20 .600 1.5
Peshastin Pears 29 22 .565 3.2
Portland Rosebuds 29 22 .560 3.5
San Francisco Giants 21 30 .412 11
San Diego Padres 18 33 .353 14