League Updates

Verlander Meets Grandpa’s Bowling Ball

Tom was at last night’s Mariners/Tigers game, so when Verlander got through 5 innings with a perfect game intact, and Ian Kinsler homered in the top of the 6th to put Detroit up 4 – 0, I consoled myself on three grounds:

  1. If the M’s were going to be the victims of a perfect game, Verlander and the Tigers would be my choices to do the deed.
  2. It would be fun for Tom and Michele to witness such an historic event.
  3. No Wolverines would suffer.

At that moment Sam convinced me to go “late night bowling” at the Wilsonville lanes.  I had just yesterday afternoon brought home from my parents’ house my grandfather’s bowling ball, which I had found in their basement while transporting stuff to the dumpster.  Sam is a clever young man and knew I was dying to try it out — something I’ve wanted to do for about 50 years.

Bowling late on a Wednesday evening in Wilsonville costs $10 per person for unlimited bowling until midnight, shoes included.  The guys at the desk were awestruck by my grandpa’s ball, which had to be about 60 years old, give or take a few. They even took a picture of it.

We bowled 6 games. My high score was 177, in the 5th game after I had scraped off the rust and figured out how my new half-century-old bowling ball would behave (smoothly, by the way).  Midway through that game they interrupted as I prepared to bowl with an announcement of a prize for the next strike bowled.  Immediately I bowled — a strike!  So 5 second after the announcement, I’d won the prize (tickets for 4 free games).  So grandpa’s ball is off to a great start.

On the other hand, Sam beat me twice, despite grandpa’s ball. I understood immediately how ominous these small disasters were for the future of the father-son bowling competition.  I’ve already walked that path with Ryan; it does not end well for the old man.

I didn’t realize until this morning how ominous the evening had gotten for Justin Verlander and the Tigers – and for other innocent bystanders.

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EFL Standings for 2017
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Haviland Dragons 49 24 .665 472.9 334.9
Cottage Cheese 48 26 .647 1.1 407.9 298.4
Flint Hill Tornadoes 45 24 .650 1.7 346.0 251.8
Portland Rosebuds 45 28 .618 3.4 424.3 322.9
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 43 27 .618 3.8 395.3 309.6
Kaline Drive 43 30 .592 5.3 376.6 313.4
Peshastin Pears 42 31 .573 6.6 353.4 309.8
Canberra Kangaroos 33 39 .462 14.8 332.7 363.1
Old Detroit Wolverines 31 38 .453 15.2 294.8 323.1
D.C. Balk 26 46 .367 21.6 344.2 453.0
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Haviland: L, 6 – 16. (.303, .343, .545; 10.7 ip, 14 er).  Jeff Hoffman almost triple chulked (3.7 ip, 9 er) to send the Dragons into a bit of a tailspin Wednesday. Their lead over the Cheese was cut in half in a single day.  Exciting for the league, but ominous for Haviland fans wherever they may be.
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Cottage: W, 9 – 5. (.386, .426, .659; 7.0 ip, 3 er). The Cheese came up with a well-timed Happy Edgar Martinez Day, led by the mighty Martin Maldonado’s 3 for 4 with a double and two homers. Sean Manaea and Grant Dayton teamed up for just enough pitching to secure a good win.
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Flint Hill: W 2, L (-4), 0 – (-27).  (.345, .486, .724; 22.7 ip, 6 er).  With the Yankees and Red Sox swapping places back and forth in the AL East, the Tornados are flitting around the standings like an untied balloon. Stalwart EWIE Mark Reynolds had yet another fine day at the plate, going 2 for 3 with a walk, a double, and a homer to lead the offense. Three starters combined for 18.7 ip and 6 er to set the tone for the pitching.  The Tornados set three EFL — and thus world — records yesterday:
1: Most negative losses in a single day:  4.
2: Most negative runs allowed in a single day:  27.
3: Biggest single-day gain in the standings: 3.5.
I believe I just mentioned how father-son athletic competitions tend to turn out in the long run. They might end up the same in fantasy competitions, too, John.  Beware.
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Portland: DNP, 6 – 1. (.350, .400, .625 — Happy EMD!.  18 ip, 8 er).  I don’t really have a handle on the sibling rivalry dynamics between the Tornados and the oppositely-connoted Rosebuds. (Do others detect a bit of Cain and Abel in these two team names like I do?) .  But if the Rosebuds were the brother I never had, I think I might be gloating in that infuriating subtle way visible only to my brother: to set the world record for standings long jump while leaping over my brother on the day he gets a big win of his own… that would be sweet…
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Pittsburgh: “L”, 9 – 8. (.373, .389, .569;  2.3 ip, 0 er). … I might also sing a little bit of “ain’t no mountain high enough…” for the benefit of those Allegheny ears I just sailed right over. So it’s probably a good thing the Wolverines didn’t leap those 3.5 games in a single bound.
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Kaline: L, 2 – 4. (.280, .333, .360;  8.0 ip, 3 er).  I was listening to the Tigers broadcasters during last night’s game. I really appreciate their approach: low key, conversational, no affected deepening of the voice to try to rev up an already exciting moment.  I also appreciate their fair-minded appreciation of the strengths in the other team’s players.  They were a-bubble with how well Verlander was pitching through those first 5 innings, but they were almost as glowing in their praise of Kaline Drive’s James Paxton, mentioning several times how impressed they were with him in his April start against the Tigers in Detroit. I regret missing their commiserating over the collapse of Verlander’s game in the 6th.  They do not hide their pain in such moments, while steadily maintaining their fair-mindedness throughout.  I suspect the Johnsons were of a similar mind while watching Drives chip away at Verlander’s gem, including a key Zunino walk and Gamel’s clutch base hit.
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Peshastin: W 1, L (-1); 2 – (-4).  (.300, .317, .675;  25 ip, 11 er). Even more tragic than Verlander’s shattered gem was Max Scherzer’s ruined no-hitter.  With 1 out in the 8th a comebacker glances off his outstretched glove for a hit. After an out, Pear JT Realmuto obligingly grounds out to the shortstop — except Adam Lind muffs the throw so Realmuto is safe. Then Scherzer hits a batter, after which Giancarlo Stanton gets the first REAL hit of the night for the Marlins and Scherzer ends up losing 2 – 1.  At least none of the runs was earned, so there is no tangible damage to the Pears. They still gain 1.6 games on the Dragons in a single day.
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Canberra: L, 1 – 6. (.083, .241, .125; 7.3 ip, 5 r).  The Kangaroos hit like they were using my grandpa’s bat against his bowling ball. They didn’t pitch much better.  This must have been terrifying considering the panic they were in yesterday about the Wolverines — and how close the W’s are to overtaking the ‘Roos right now.
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Old Detroit:  W (-1), L (-1); (-7) – (-7). (.250, .333, .469; 6 ip, 5 er).  Not the kind of performance with which y0u normally terrorize your neighbors.  Even less so when the turbulent state of the AL East is messing with your game schedule. But we are smarting here in Old Detroit over the results of those two lost bowling games, and looking around for someone sort of remotely appropriate to take it out on. So: Caveat Wolverine.
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DC: L, 2 – 7. (.162, .244, .324; 3.3 ip, 0 er). A quiet day in Wobegon D.C. Scott Schebler is back to his usual tricks (2 for 3 with a homer and walk).  Sam Dyson turned in two sterling scoreless innings.  So there are some good omens here, too.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Flint Hill Tornadoes 45 24 .650
New York Yankees 39 30 .565 5.8
Boston Red Sox 40 32 .556 6.3
Tampa Bay Rays 39 36 .520 8.8
Baltimore Orioles 35 36 .493 10.8
Toronto Blue Jays 35 36 .493 10.8
Old Detroit Wolverines 31 38 .453 13.6
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Washington Nationals 43 29 .597
Atlanta Braves 33 38 .465 9.5
Canberra Kangaroos 33 39 .462 9.8
Miami Marlins 32 38 .457 10
New York Mets 31 40 .437 11.5
D.C. Balk 26 46 .367 16.6
Philadelphia Phillies 22 48 .314 20
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 43 27 .618
Cleveland Indians 38 32 .543 5.2
Minnesota Twins 36 33 .522 6.7
Kansas City Royals 35 36 .493 8.7
Detroit Tigers 32 39 .451 11.7
Chicago White Sox 31 39 .443 12.2
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Cottage Cheese 48 26 .647
Milwaukee Brewers 39 35 .527 8.9
Chicago Cubs 36 35 .507 10.4
St. Louis Cardinals 33 37 .471 12.9
Pittsburgh Pirates 33 39 .458 13.9
Cincinnati Reds 30 41 .423 16.4
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Houston Astros 49 24 .671
Haviland Dragons 49 24 .665 0.5
Kaline Drive 43 30 .592 5.8
Seattle Mariners 37 37 .500 12.5
Texas Rangers 35 36 .493 13
Los Angeles Angels 37 38 .493 13
Oakland A’s 31 41 .431 17.5
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Los Angeles Dodgers 47 26 .644
Colorado Rockies 47 27 .635 0.5
Arizona Diamondbacks 45 27 .625 1.5
Portland Rosebuds 45 28 .618 1.9
Peshastin Pears 42 31 .573 5.1
San Diego Padres 29 44 .397 18
San Francisco Giants 27 47 .365 20.5