Fantastic? Maybe. Surreal? Definitely.

EFL
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB	RS	RA
Kaline Drive	17	9	.635	—	136.7	103.7
Cottage Cheese	15	9	.627	0.5	137.2	105.9
Canberra Kangaroos	14	9	.613	0.9	112.2	89.2
Old Detroit Wolverines	14	10	.574	1.7	101.5	87.4
Brookland Outs	13	11	.547	2.4	124.9	113.7
Flint Hill Tornadoes	13	11	.537	2.6	110.3	102.5
Portland Rosebuds	12	12	.520	3	108.8	104.4
Haviland Dragons	12	14	.458	4.6	110.3	120.1
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	10	13	.446	4.7	121.7	135.7
D.C. Balk	10	13	.422	5.3	81.5	95.3
Peshastin Pears	9	15	.393	6.1	110.9	137.9

Kaline: W 2, L (-2); 2 – (-11). (.303, .395, .576; 21 ip, 3 er).  In a league full of surreal results, I don’t remember ever seeing a 2 W, (-2) L day.  You aren’t getting a game in, which deadens the impacts of stats accumulated. To get a two-game swing on an off day,  you have to have a lot of VERY good (or VERY bad) stats. The Drive only had 38 plate appearances, but they were just a hair off Edgar Martinez pace.  They had a ton of monster pitching — 21 innings of 1.29 ERA. In addition to being excellent work, all that pitching replace 8 replacement innings.  Congratulations, Kaline, on probably the best — and oddest — team daily performance of 2018 so far!

Cottage: W 0, L (-1); 4 – (-11). (.308, .308, .615; 9 ip 0 er.) The Drive didn’t just run away with the Best & Oddest Daily Team Performance Award. They were Driven to it by some impressive competition.  The Cheese had a negative game yesterday, but still ADDED runs while ADDING an entire game of shutout pitching (which erased an inning of replacement relief pitching). Their monstrous (-11) runs allowed matched the Drive’s stupendous defensive achievement. I am almost certain we’ve never had a day before Thursday when two EFL teams achieved negative double digit  runs allowed.

Canberra: “L”, 5 – 5. (.273, .407, .318; 3.3 ip, 1 er).  The Kangaroos didn’t have an outstanding day, It was pretty hum drum. I’m sure they wondered if it would be enough to preserve the narrow lead over the Cheese they had to start the day Thursday.  It is never totally secure at the top, unless you are an Allegheny. But now, look at this.  There really was a Monster under the bed last night. Two Monsters.  Suddenly the ‘Roos awaken on their rears outside in the third place gutter.

Old Detroit: W, 5 – 4. (.227, .308, .500; no pitching). A prosaic Thursday for the Wolverines, except they had front row seats to the paranormal panorama put on display by the top three teams. The strangest thing about the Wolverines right now? Nick Ahmed is tied for second on the team with 4 homers, including one yesterday.  Nearly as weird: Kyle Schwarber is OPSing 1.026 in the regular season.  So, Canberra, it looks like there are STILL two monsters under your bed: Ahmed and Schwarber.  Sleep well,  little muffin.

Flint Hill:  W , 5 – 5. (.235, .278, .471; 4.3 ip, 1 er). Yawn. No, I’m sorry, my mistake, I didn’t mean to convey boredom. Boredom? Around Convection Confections? Never!  I meant to write the homonym “Yoan”, as in “Yoan Moncada homered while going 3 for 5 yesterday, part of his bid to be counted among the Monsters under Canberra’s bed.”  But, of course, those two spots are already taken.

Brookland: W 0, L (-1); (-6) – (-8).  (.290, .324, .452; 1 ip, 0 er). This would be a surreal result in MLB. It’s almost routine in the  EFL.  Maybe this isn’t a fantasy league. Maybe it’s a surreal league! Maybe we should be the ESL. Monsters? Two wins and two negative losses on an off day? Two teams erasing 11 runs from their opponents’ totals, retroactively? Two teams trying to market themselves with names invoking on-field blunders? Teams turning their noses up at inspired suggestions for re-branding (like Flint Hill Ferrets or Flint Hill Convection Confections)?  The entire league still in uncontrollable tremors, afraid of teams languishing in 8th and 9th places?  What could be surrealler than that?

Portland: L, 3 – 6. (.226, .294, .419; 11.3 ip, 7 er).  Chrisses Archer and Sale combined to produce that underwhelming pitching line. But it’s all a matter of perspective. These two Chrisses are earning a combined $27,500,000, a little over 25% of the Rosebud budget. I am not a mathematician, so maybe a mathematician can check my work, but that daily 5.56 ERA cuts their price down to $4,946,043.17 per each R in their ERA.  What if they had Kaline’s 1.29 Thursday ERA?  That would increase the price per ERA all the way to $21,317,829.5o!  No one can afford that!  The fiscal savvy of the Rosebud front office is scary.  Another surreal monster loose in the league!

Haviland:  W 1, L (-1); 3 – (-8). (.233, .343, .433; 13 ip, 5 er). Profligate Carlos Martinez allowed only 1 er in 6 ip, while thrifty Sean Newcomb produced 4 earned runs in his 6 innings pitched.  Clearly, if we extend the groundbreaking analysis from the Rosebud comment, the Dragons need to consider dumping Martinez to increase team productivity. You know what’s weird about this? We’re in our 15th season and this is the first time anyone has realized the potential in ERA productivity analysis.

Pittsburgh: L, 2 – 8. (.257, .257, .343;  6 ip, 5 er).  Yay for Marco Estrada!  He produced 5 er in only 5 innings, generating lots of cheap ERA!  At $9,250,000 annual salary, he’s got that price almost down to $1,000,000 per…  What’s that? Yes, of course I remember cold fusion. I wasn’t born yesterday.  More like yestermillenium.  This isn’t anything like cold fusion. That was pure fantasy.  Aren’t you paying attention? This entire post is about how our league isn’t really a pure fantasy league.

DC:  L, 5 – 9. (.273, .333, .455; 11 ip, 12 er).  Although maybe the Balk wish it were pure fantasy around here.  Then they could tell themselves that maybe young studs Dylan Bundy and Mike Clevinger didn’t really combine to allow 11 earned runs in their 10.7 ip, that it was all a bad dream and they would wake up to a world that makes sense.  But since our league is more real than fantasy… ok, yes, more surreal than fantastic, the demons will not disappear in the light of day.

Peshastin: L, 2 – 7. (.258, .281, .581;  0.7 ip. 0 er).  We all find our security in our own ways.  In Peshastin in 2018, that seems to be ensconcement in the basement.  After one day of sort of sharing the space with Dragons, the Pears are back to “normal” today.  Of course, today “normal” in the EF/SL requires something surreal, and the Pears have it: their hitting leaders were middle infielders Devon Travis (2 for 4 with a triple and a homer) and Ozzie Albies (2 for 5 with a double and a homer).

 .

AL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Boston Red Sox	19	5	.792	—
New York Yankees	15	9	.625	4
Toronto Blue Jays	14	10	.583	5
Old Detroit Wolverines	14	10	.574	5.2
Flint Hill Tornadoes	13	11	.537	6.1
Tampa Bay Rays	10	13	.435	8.5
Baltimore Orioles	6	19	.240	13.5

NL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
New York Mets	15	8	.652	—
Philadelphia Phillies	15	9	.625	0.5
Canberra Kangaroos	14	9	.613	0.9
Atlanta Braves	14	10	.583	1.5
Washington Nationals	11	14	.440	5
D.C. Balk	10	13	.422	5.3
Miami Marlins	7	17	.292	8.5

AL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Cleveland Indians	13	10	.565	—
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	10	13	.446	2.7
Detroit Tigers	10	13	.435	3
Minnesota Twins	8	12	.400	3.5
Chicago White Sox	6	16	.273	6.5
Kansas City Royals	5	18	.217	8

NL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Cottage Cheese	15	9	.627	—
St. Louis Cardinals	15	9	.625	—
Milwaukee Brewers	16	10	.615	—
Pittsburgh Pirates	14	11	.560	1.5
Brookland Outs	13	11	.547	1.9
Chicago Cubs	12	10	.545	2
Cincinnati Reds	5	20	.200	10.5

AL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Houston Astros	17	9	.654	—
Los Angeles Angels	16	9	.640	0.5
Kaline Drive	17	9	.635	0.5
Seattle Mariners	14	10	.583	2
Oakland A’s	13	12	.520	3.5
Haviland Dragons	12	14	.458	5.1
Texas Rangers	9	17	.346	8

NL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Arizona Diamondbacks	17	7	.708	—
Colorado Rockies	14	12	.538	4
Portland Rosebuds	12	12	.520	4.5
Los Angeles Dodgers	11	12	.478	5.5
San Francisco Giants	11	13	.458	6
Peshastin Pears	9	15	.393	7.6
San Diego Padres	9	17	.346	9