Pestifying II: WAGs, RAGs, TAGs, and GAGs

EFL
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB	RS	RA
Portland Rosebuds	63	41	.605	—	536.7	427.3
Old Detroit Wolverines	63	42	.603	0.1	483.7	390.8
Canberra Kangaroos	59	44	.575	3.2	477.8	411.2
Brookland Outs	58	45	.564	4.4	543.6	479.8
Cottage Cheese	57	46	.552	5.5	542.6	484.3
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	53	49	.520	8.9	536.1	519.6
Kaline Drive	54	51	.518	9	476.9	453.4
Flint Hill Tornadoes	53	52	.507	10.2	478.9	472.1
Haviland Dragons	51	54	.483	12.7	469.5	483.6
Peshastin Pears	48	56	.463	14.7	434.5	470.1
D.C. Balk	42	61	.405	20.7	426.2	518.1

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Portland: W, 5 – 2. (27 PA, .250, .333, .417; 12 ip, 3 er, 2.25 ERA)  There’s nothing wrong with this daily stat line, other than a certain lightness of being on the hitting side, where you need a minimum of 28 perfectly placed PAs a day to avoid replacements.  I don’t think this particular lightness of being is necessarily unbearable in the abstract, especially when the two Chrisses (Archer and Sale) combine for 3 er in 12 innings. But this might depend on the context…

Old Detroit: W, 1 – (-2). (48 PA, .156, .208, .311; 29.7 ip, 8 er, 2.43 ERA).  Yesterday I celebrated Wolverine pestiferocity (yes, I know it’s “pestiferousness” but the W’s were being pretty fiercely pesky Thursday, so I thought it appropriate to use a more vivid suffix).  But when the W’s went back to their unbearably light hitting last night I figured that would be the end of that.  What I didn’t account for is how weighty the Wolverine pitching would turn out to be.  LOTS of good innings!  And if you take out the Mud Ferrets’ DeSclafani (4.3 ip, 3 er) it turns into 25.3 innings of 1.79 ERA.. That was enough to remove some runs allowed from Old Detroit’s account,  putting the Wolverines right up in the Rosebuds’ face. Like a swarm of gnats. Or aphids, considering we’re dealing with Rosebuds here. Wolverine/Aphid/Gnats. WAGs. Right up in your face! How deliciously annoying!

Canberra: L, 5 – 6. (47 PA, .268, .340. .415; 6 ip,. 3 er).  Less ventured, less gained. Actually, in this case, 0.4 games lost in the standings.  Michael Conforto homered and walked amid a 2 for 3 day to lead the offense, and Wade LeBlanc only had one bad inning out of the six he pitched, but otherwise Thursday was not a stellar day for Canberra.  Apparently, Australian scientists are not finished developing a viable breed of RAGs (Roo-Aphid-Gnats).  James Paxton might be the finishing touch… or maybe Kolten Wong would be.  The ‘Roos should look into it.

Brookland: W, 8 – 6.  (44 PA, .359, .432, .487; 2 ip, 2 er).  All that great offense (Robinson Chirinos: 4 AB, 1 2b, 1 HR, 1 BB, 2.100 OPS was the leader) tragically undersupported with only 2 ineffective innings of pitching. Maybe the Outs should liberate DeSclafani from his Toledo dungeon. He’s probably about to return to his classic form, last seen in 2016 when he compiled a 3.28 ERA before his TJ surgery.

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Cottage: L, 3 – 5.  (37 PA, .229, .270, .514; 5.3 ip, 3 er, 5.06 ERA).  I suppose I could fix the injusti… I mean, the appearance of imbalance by writing ad copy for the teams who don’t submit any.  Like this:

You can tell how genuine that note is by its signature. I know I’d be inclined to heed it if I had a player like Michael Taylor…

Pittsburgh: L, 1 – 7. (39 PA, .206, .282, .294; 12.3 ip, 7 er, 5.11 ERA). You just know the Top Allegheny wants to go all Branch Rickey again and pull out a championship when people have almost stopped expecting it. It would be even better, from the Allegheny point of view, if people completely stopped expecting it.  But we’ll never do that, so he’ll have to make do. But the A’s this year have been maddingly inconsistent — surging, then stalling, etc.  Like Friday:  Jurickson Profar had a great day (homer and a walk, 1.333 OPS) but no one else did at the plate.  Lance and Luke (Lynn and Weaver) both pitched 6 innings with 2 earned runs, but Joe Jimenez nonuple chulked (3 er in 0.3 ip) to ruin it.

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If the Alleghenys are going to make a run for it, they need to shed underperforming assets.  Like Stephen Strasburg who has only managed 4.7 inning of 11.57 ERA ball in July. There are teams right up in the face of the leaders who could use a long-term ace-quality pitcher, and might be tricked into thinking Stras is one.

Kaline: W, 7 – 1. (43 PA, .325, .372, .475; 13.7 ip, 3 er, 1.98 ERA).  The Drive are accelerating!  Great pitching and fine hitting pushed the Drive to the best day in the EFL . Mike Zunino lit up Kaline eyes with his double and homer in three plate appearances.  Nine games out is probably not close enough to call the Drive “pennant contenders.” On the other hand, the perennial champion Alleghenys are only 0.1 games in front of the Drive, and beating them has its own satisfaction.  In fact, the Alleghenys are enhancing the league greatly by loitering in 6th place: they make a perfect secondary pennant race target.  If you can’t beat the Rosebuds and win the pennant, you can at least beat the Alleghenys, the closest thing in the EFL to the Yankees.  So enjoy, Drive fans: your team is right up in the face of the Alleghenys, regular gnats or whatever it is that annoys piles of rock.

Flint Hill: W, 12 – 6. (44 PA, .342, .432, .605; 1.7 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA).  Solid on the offense, fine on pitching (except for how little there was).  Evan Gattis went 3 for 3 with a homer to lead the way to a day that would have moved the fishy Tornados all the way up to 8th place if the Drive weren’t simultaneously having a slightly better day.

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Haviland: W, 11 – 5. (32 PA, .393, .438, .750 — wow!!; 8 ip, 3 er).  This is the third team — and the fourth write-up — in a row to have an outstanding day on the field Friday.  Oh, how it must excruciate to see your team CAN dominate but realize it’s way too late now for it to make up for lost time!  It might be easier if your team would just sort of mosey on out the rest of the season and at least deliver good draft position.  Having the team give off bursts of glory like this surely tempts one to trade away the annoying GAGs (gits/aphids/gnats) who cause the painful episodes.  And clearly, the GAG in this case is Juan Soto — a 19-year-old phenom debutant you’ll never see again who just went 3 for 5 with a triple and a homer and whom you could trade for somebody with a real future, like, I dunno, Dan Vogelbach?  Or, not to privilege the Wolverines, a Dan Vogelbach look-alike on some other team.

Peshastin: L, 4 – 4. (34 PA, .250, .306, .375; no pitching).  No pitching. How sad. Javier Baez cared enough to homer and single in 4 at bats, but too bad.  No pitching.  Alen Hanson doubled and singled in 4 at bats.  Wasted. No pitching! Kevin Kiermaier went 2 for 5 to extend his hot streak… but no pitching. And there sits poor Anthony DeSclafani, throwing his pitches away in Toledo… I would say more but I’ve promised not to use this post for any more ads for Wolverine players.

DC: W, 6 – 1. (46 PA, .364, .391, .591; 7.3 ip, 1 er, 1.23 ERA).  If it weren’t for the Pears, every team below the league’s pivot point (6th place) would have had an outstanding day Friday!  This league appears to be upside down, with four of the last 5 deserving to be in the first five — and deserving it so much, they have some deserts left over to cover the Pears!  Isiah Kiner-Falefa led the way for the Balk with his 4 for 5 day, with a double and a homer  and a 2.400 OPS. Right behind him was Kole Calhoun, who suddenly sunk the Mariners last night with a first-pitch-of-the-bottom-of-the-tenth walk-off homer. Calhoun also doubled in two runs.  Three other Balkans also OPSed over 1.000. Plus Carlos Carrasco pitched great (6.3 ip, 1 er) and Kyle Barraclough, of course, sealed the win with a scoreless inning. All the pieces were there for a championship.

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AL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Boston Red Sox	72	33	.686	—
New York Yankees	65	37	.637	5.5
Old Detroit Wolverines	63	42	.603	8.7
Tampa Bay Rays	53	51	.510	18.5
Flint Hill Tornadoes	53	52	.507	18.8
Toronto Blue Jays	47	55	.461	23.5
Baltimore Orioles	30	74	.288	41.5

NL East
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Canberra Kangaroos	59	44	.575	—
Philadelphia Phillies	58	45	.563	1.2
Atlanta Braves	54	46	.540	3.7
Washington Nationals	52	51	.505	7.2
New York Mets	43	58	.426	15.2
Miami Marlins	44	61	.419	16.2
D.C. Balk	42	61	.405	17.5

AL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Cleveland Indians	56	46	.549	—
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	53	49	.520	3
Minnesota Twins	48	54	.471	8
Detroit Tigers	44	61	.419	13.5
Chicago White Sox	36	67	.350	20.5
Kansas City Royals	32	71	.311	24.5

NL Central
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Chicago Cubs	60	43	.583	—
Milwaukee Brewers	60	46	.566	1.5
Brookland Outs	58	45	.564	1.9
Cottage Cheese	57	46	.552	3.1
Pittsburgh Pirates	54	51	.514	7
St. Louis Cardinals	52	51	.505	8
Cincinnati Reds	46	58	.442	14.5

AL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Houston Astros	67	38	.638	—
Seattle Mariners	61	42	.592	5
Oakland A’s	61	44	.581	6
Los Angeles Angels	53	52	.505	14
Kaline Drive	54	51	.518	12.6
Haviland Dragons	51	54	.483	16.3
Texas Rangers	43	62	.410	24

NL West
TEAM	WINS	LOSSES	PCT.	GB
Portland Rosebuds	63	41	.605	—
Los Angeles Dodgers	58	46	.558	4.9
Arizona Diamondbacks	57	48	.543	6.4
Colorado Rockies	55	47	.539	6.9
San Francisco Giants	52	53	.495	11.4
Peshastin Pears	48	56	.463	14.7
San Diego Padres	42	64	.396	21.9