(WARNING: THE LEDE IS BURIED DEEP, DEEP, DEEP IN TODAY’S REPORT. IN KEEPING WITH TODAY’S TITLE, YOU’LL NEED TO READ ALMOST TO THE END OR YOU’LL MISS A STUNNING DEVELOPMENT.)
Sunday was supposed to be the last day of the season. But there are two tie-breaker games today, the stats (and, in the NL West and Central, games) from which will count in MLB. So today’s scheduled ultimate update has been postponed to tomorrow. In its place is this penultimate update. Which brings me to my newly-four year old grandson, Mateo.
Ben and I were in Seattle this weekend to attend Mateo’s birthday party and go to two Mariners games: Saturday evening on our own, and Sunday with Mateo and his brother Enzo, his parents, and his uncle the Captain Kangaroo, just-arrived from Canberra or thereabouts.
Sunday morning Mateo helpfully clarified a misunderstanding about what he would be wearing to the Mariners game by telling us “I didn’t meanted that hat, I meanted this hat.” Already Mateo is the kind of genius who can make up new hypertenses on the fly.
Under Mateo’s influence, I had an epiphany. What does a child hear when you think you’re issuing an ultimatum? You say:
“Don’t make me warn you again: eat those brussels sprouts, or you’ll get no dessert!”
you probably mean to say:
“I’m not going to warn you again: eat those brussels sprouts, or you’ll get no dessert!”
That would be an ultimatum, but the child doesn’t hear that. Instead, he hears:
“You’re probably going to make me warn you one more time: eat those brussels sprouts, or you’ll get no dessert!”
And his reading of the message is probably more accurate than yours. Your intended ultimatum is at best a penultimatum.
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Before we get to Sunday’s results, I want to make sure we preserve a copy of the standings as of Sunday morning:
| EFL: Sep 29, 2018 | ||||||
| Team | Wins | Losses | Pct. | GB | RS | RA |
| Portland Rosebuds | 106 | 55 | 0.660 | — | 896.8 | 627.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 101 | 60 | 0.625 | 5.6 | 793.5 | 607.9 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 91 | 70 | 0.564 | 15.4 | 748.6 | 661.3 |
| Brookland Outs | 88 | 73 | 0.547 | 18.2 | 844.0 | 778.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 87 | 74 | 0.538 | 19.6 | 846.7 | 790.5 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 85 | 76 | 0.526 | 21.6 | 758.9 | 715.7 |
| Haviland Dragons | 79 | 82 | 0.491 | 27.2 | 773.5 | 785.9 |
| Cottage Cheese | 76 | 85 | 0.470 | 30.6 | 761.4 | 806.7 |
| Kaline Drive | 76 | 85 | 0.469 | 30.7 | 712.8 | 760.5 |
| Peshastin Pears | 72 | 89 | 0.449 | 33.9 | 689.2 | 767.6 |
| D.C. Balk | 72 | 89 | 0.444 | 34.7 | 684.7 | 768.9 |
Portland: W 1, L 1; 13 – 10.
Old Detroit: “W”, 3 – 5.
Canberra: W. 7 – 1.
Brookland: L, 4 – 9.
Pittsburgh: L, (-2) – 8.
Flint Hill: W 2, L (-1); 6 – (-8)
Haviland: W 1, L 1; 13 – 15.
Cottage: W, 11 – 9.
Kaline: W 1, L 1; 8 – 15.
Peshastin: W 0, L 2; 6 – 15.
DC: W, 5 – 4.
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Now for Sunday’s penultimata (n (pl): things having to do with something penultimate):
EFL Standings for 2018
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Portland Rosebuds | 107 | 55 | .661 | — | 905.5 | 631.7 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 102 | 60 | .629 | 5.1 | 796.1 | 603.8 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 91 | 71 | .560 | 16.3 | 754.2 | 670.9 |
| Brookland Outs | 88 | 74 | .545 | 18.8 | 846.2 | 783.2 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 88 | 74 | .541 | 19.4 | 855.5 | 793.9 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 86 | 76 | .529 | 21.3 | 763.1 | 714.9 |
| Haviland Dragons | 79 | 83 | .488 | 28 | 778.7 | 797.2 |
| Cottage Cheese | 77 | 85 | .472 | 30.5 | 773.0 | 815.8 |
| Kaline Drive | 76 | 86 | .468 | 31.2 | 713.2 | 763.2 |
| D.C. Balk | 72 | 90 | .447 | 34.6 | 689.0 | 770.6 |
| Peshastin Pears | 72 | 90 | .445 | 35 | 689.6 | 776.5 |
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Portland: W, 9 – 4. (50 PA, .364, .440, .568; 5 ip, 3 er, 5.40 ERA) The Rosebuds are not done — they will have a 163rd game. And of course there are some Rosebud players getting in an extra day, too. On the 162nd game they turn in a solid Edgar Martinez Day! Of course they did. Driven by Jake Bauers (3 for 3 with a walk) and Tommy Pham (of course he did: 3 for 4 with a triple and a walk). Portland has already scored 905.5 runs this season. I don’t know whether that’s a record — probably not, I’d guess. But it’s 50 more than any other EFL team, and more than 100 runs more than the Wolverines.
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Technically we have to await the outcome of today’s games to officially annoint the Rosebuds our 2018 champions. But the party guests are arriving already. They are sipping the punch and taking chunks out of the cake. No one is stopping them.
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Old Detroit: W, 2 – (-4). (52 PA, .174, .269, .391; 12 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA) I’m listening to the Brewers play the Cubs. (Mike Ditka just butchered a cringe-worthy “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.”) Ex-Wolverine Christian Yelich is 3 for 3. He’ll be at least 5 wins better than whoever replaced him in the Wolverine outfield. 5 wins would be awfully handy right now.
But Yelich was traded, for Brinson and Monte Harrison, a key piece in the trade that landed Max Scherzer. So I should quit complaining. Instead I should celebrate the W’s gaining a half game on the Rosebuds, despite all the Portland offense. The key? 12 scoreless innings from Wolverine pitchers, anchored by the ancient Rich Hill (7 scoreless two-hit innings). (Grr. Enough of this good cheer. Where was all this pitching the other 29 days of September?)
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(Note: there are almost as many Brewers fans as Cubs fans at Wrigley Field today. Lesson: if you want to have home field advantage in a big game, play someone whose home field is more than 92 miles from your home field.)
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Canberra: L, 6 – 8. (30 PA, .250, .300, .464; 10.7 ip, 9 er, 7.59 ERA) The Kangaroos uncorked a stinker for the last game of their season. Andrew Suarez was the first pitcher to face the Dodgers in their 15 – 0 slaughter of the Giants. Suarez lasted 2.1 innings, surrendering 6 earned runs. Fortunately for the ‘Roos, Joey Lucchesi was available to go 6 innings with just 2 earned runs to bring things back under control. Even so, the Wolverines gained 1.4 games on the Kangaroos on day 162. Too bad that wasn’t against the Rosebuds…
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Brookland: L, 2 – 5. (37 PA, .188, .297, .281; 6.7 ip. 3 er, 4.05 ERA) The Outs cling to fourth place, 0.6 games in front of the Alleghenys — probably enough to hold off any last-minute surge from the Alleghenys today, but not enough to be absolutely sure. Manny Machado and Jose Martinez ended the season going 2 for 3, and Charlie Morton threw 3 scoreless innings. But it wasn’t enough to go out with a win. Which is fine, because the Outs will have one more game today.
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Pittsburgh: W, 9 – 3. (26 PA, .318, .423, .591: Happy Edgar Day! 4 ip, 1 er, 2.25 ERA). The Alleghenys used their better stat line to cut 0.8 games off the Out’s lead in the race for 4th place. But it is still going to be very hard to get another 0.6 – game boost with only a few players active today.
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Flint Hill: 4 – (-1). (43 PA, .184, .256, .316; 13 ip, 6 er, 4.15 ERA). Whew! Justus Sheffield fouled up the Tornados’ raw stat line with his 1 ip, 3 er triple chulk… but he is 0% activated. So not only did he NOT force the Tornados into a loss, he didn’t appear in 2018, so the Tornados still control him through 2023.
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Haviland: L, 5 – 11. (28 PA, .217, .357, .435; 2.7 ip, 4 er, 13.50 ERA). The Dragons lost their chance to finish above .500. Debutant Austin Gomber stumbled into a chulk (2 ip, 4 er). Steven Souza’s pinch hit homer (and resultant 5.000 daily OPS) couldn’t rescue the situation.
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Cottage: W, 12 – 9. (34 PA, .321, .441, .821; 4 ip, 4 er , 9.00 ERA). A forgettable Eric Fedde start didn’t stop the Cheese from recording a key win to add 0.6 games to their lead over the Drive, making it a total of 0.7 games ahead. Manuel Margot (3 for 5 with a triple and homer) and Max Kepler (2 for 4 with a double and a homer) led the way offensively.
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Kaline: L, 0 – 3. (57 PA, .200, .281, .260; 4.7 ip, 0 er, o.oo ERA). A solid half-game from four relievers wasn’t enough to keep pace with the Cheese. Kris Bryant is playing right now, but his 0 for 2 with a walk so far isn’t going to elevate the Drive enough to catch the Cheese. On the other hand, Orlando Arcia is 3 for 3, all singles. (Make that 4 for 4.)
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DC: “L”, 4 – 3. (23 PA, .286, .348, .333; 7 ip, 1 er, 1.29 ERA). Friday morning the Balk were 2.1 games behind the Pears. Saturday morning the Balk were 1.8 games behind the Pears. Sunday morning they were 0.4 games back — a huge, 1.4 game jump in a single day, but it was a day we didn’t get an update, and the Pears went W 0, L 2. No one noticed.
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This morning, going into the two tie-breaking games, the Balk are 0.4 games ahead of the Pears. For the first time in Balk history, they can finish out of last place! Carlos Carrasco and Jordan Lyles combined for 7 innings, 1 earned run. Three hitters (Kole Calhoun 1 for 1; Brock Holt 2 for 4 with a double and a walk; and Eduardo Nunez 2 for 3 with a walk) did essentially all the hitting, but it was just enough.
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This is so deliciously penultimate. Here it is, the next to last update of the season. The next to last entry in the update. The lowly Balk, consigned to the basement all their existence, in the next to last update of the season, move from last to next to last for the first time in their history anywhere near this late in the season.
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There are only two things that can mess up this panoply of penultimata. One is if this is really the last season of the Balk. That wouldn’t be very penultimate of them.
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Peshastin: 0 – 9. (34 PA, .161, .235, .194; 7.7 ip, 6 er, 7.04). The other thing that could impair our plethora of penultimata would be if the Pears re-pass the Balk based on today’s stats. There’s not much to hope on from the stats Sunday: lousy hitting, shaky pitching… just nothing to build on. But I am wondering if Peshastin really cares. They did declare some months ago that they would end up with a very good draft pick. At the time they were on the verge of going over .500. But by hard, patient, gritty work they arrive at the EFL cellar on the penultimate day of the season. I suspect they will not let go of a prize so hard won.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2018
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Boston Red Sox | 108 | 54 | .667 | — |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 102 | 60 | .629 | 6.1 |
| New York Yankees | 100 | 62 | .617 | 8 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 90 | 72 | .556 | 18 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 86 | 76 | .529 | 22.3 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 73 | 89 | .451 | 35 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 47 | 115 | .290 | 61 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 91 | 71 | .560 | — |
| Atlanta Braves | 90 | 72 | .556 | 0.8 |
| Washington Nationals | 82 | 80 | .506 | 8.8 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 80 | 82 | .494 | 10.8 |
| New York Mets | 77 | 85 | .475 | 13.8 |
| D.C. Balk | 72 | 90 | .447 | 18.4 |
| Miami Marlins | 63 | 98 | .391 | 27.3 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Cleveland Indians | 91 | 71 | .562 | — |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 88 | 74 | .541 | 3.4 |
| Minnesota Twins | 78 | 84 | .481 | 13 |
| Detroit Tigers | 64 | 98 | .395 | 27 |
| Chicago White Sox | 62 | 100 | .383 | 29 |
| Kansas City Royals | 58 | 104 | .358 | 33 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 95 | 67 | .586 | — |
| Chicago Cubs | 95 | 67 | .586 | — |
| Brookland Outs | 88 | 74 | .545 | 6.8 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 88 | 74 | .543 | 7 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 82 | 79 | .509 | 12.5 |
| Cottage Cheese | 77 | 85 | .472 | 18.5 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 67 | 95 | .414 | 28 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 103 | 59 | .636 | — |
| Oakland A’s | 97 | 65 | .599 | 6 |
| Seattle Mariners | 89 | 73 | .549 | 14 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 80 | 82 | .494 | 23 |
| Haviland Dragons | 79 | 83 | .488 | 24 |
| Kaline Drive | 76 | 86 | .468 | 27.2 |
| Texas Rangers | 67 | 95 | .414 | 36 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Portland Rosebuds | 107 | 55 | .661 | — |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 91 | 71 | .562 | 16 |
| Colorado Rockies | 91 | 71 | .562 | 16 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 82 | 80 | .506 | 25 |
| San Francisco Giants | 73 | 89 | .451 | 34 |
| Peshastin Pears | 72 | 90 | .445 | 35 |
| San Diego Padres | 66 | 96 | .407 | 41 |
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