League Updates

This is a terrible thing for the Kangaroos!

June 24, 2019
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“Winfield goes back to the wall, he hits his head on the wall and it rolls off!

It’s rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres.” 

 

     Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite described war-time tragedy and became famous.  Herb Morrison…well, he never became famous, but if he had it would have been for his description of the Hindenburg Disaster: “Oh the humanity!”

     And, of course, the last thing people will forget about Jerry Coleman is his vivid commentary on the day Dave Winfield gruesomely beheaded himself on the outfield wall.

Today I make my bid for journalistic immortality.

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EFL Standings for 2019
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Portland Rosebuds 54 26 .670 — 477.3 336.8
Flint Hill Tornadoes 49 28 .637 3 500.2 377.5
Old Detroit Wolverines 44 33 .575 7.7 452.2 384.0
Peshastin Pears 41 39 .506 13 416.5 412.9
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 39 38 .503 13.3 368.6 365.1
Canberra Kangaroos 39 39 .494 14 421.5 431.0
Kaline Drive 38 41 .484 14.8 343.6 356.7
Haviland Dragons 38 41 .482 15 411.3 421.4
Cottage Cheese 36 41 .465 16.2 434.0 459.9
Bellingham Cascades 33 44 .429 19 367.8 428.6
Brookland Outs 31 46 .406 20.8 388.5 471.9
D.C. Balk 27 51 .347 25.5 328.8 452.4
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Portland: W 1, L 1; 5 – 15. (46 PA, .205, .239, .273; 14 ip, 13 er, 8.36 ERA).
Rosebud fans probably think Sunday was an “oh the humanity” result. And, admittedly, watching Brett Anderson chulk in a 5 – 15 shellacking is rough, but the Rosebuds didn’t even come close to losing their iron grip on first place. Pursuers stretch for miles like the line last night to get into the Newberg drive-in movie theater to see Toy Story 4.  When I dropped Sam off a half- hour before showtime, the line of cars was moving, but it still stretched 0.8 miles past the CPRD offices.  That’s how far the Tornados still are from first place — about 200 car lengths.  Still, I’ll admit it was a bad day, the kind that  Jerry Coleman might have had in mind when he said:
“Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.”
Flint Hill W, 6- 4.  (39 PA, .297, .333, .432; 6 ip, 1 er, 1.50 ERA). 
Miles Mikolas pitched well over 5 innings, and the offense puttered along successfully enough for the Tornados to gain an entire game on their rival Rosebuds. I supposed I could try to achieve immortality describing good news, but who has ever done that? I mean, besides Jerry Coleman:
“Graig Nettles leaped up to make one of those diving stops only he can make.”
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Old Detroit: “L”, 4 – 4.  (55 PA, .277, .368, .340; 13 ip, 4 er, 2.77 ERA).
Ok, I’ll give you Al Michaels and the thrilling USA semi-final win in over the Soviet Union in Olympic hockey. Maybe someday I’ll try to replicate his famous success for some good news. But we’ve already done the league’s best news — the Rosebuds’ shellacking — so it’s too late for “Do you believe in miracles?”   The Wolverine offense produced 21 baserunners, and Zach Plesac allowed only 1 run in 7 ip, but a 4 to 4 game is neither a victory nor a loss. Who could possibly make a 4 to 4 tie sound like an exciting win?
“And Kansas is at Chicago tonight or is it Chicago at Kansas City?
Well, no matter as Kansas leads in the eighth four-to-four.”
Amazing. Jerry Coleman foresaw the EFL!
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Peshastin: W 1, L 1; 8 – 13. (34 PA, .219, .265, .438; 3.7 ip, 0 er, 0 ERA). 
How did the Pears allow so many runs to score with that shiny 0.00 ERA? I would normally ascribe this to lots of replacement innings over the course of the doubleheader. But Jerry Coleman might explain it differently:
“George Hendrick simply lost that sun-blown popup.” 
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Pittsburgh: W,  1 – (-1). (33 PA, .207, .303, .448; 10 ip, 2 er, 1.80 ERA). 
Shaun “the Sheep” Anderson and two helpers left opposing batters all shaven and shorn — so much so that he sliced a run off their season total. I don’t think Jerry Coleman would have any problem with a game where you win by making your opponent score negative runs. Impossibility was one of his specialties:
“Enos Cabell started out here with the Astros and before that he was with the Orioles.”
“They throw Dave Winfield out at second — and he’s safe.”
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Canberra: L, (-1) – 10. (42 PA, .184, .238, .184; 11 ip, 10 er, 8.18 ERA).
They say Kirby Yates blew his first save last night. He came into the game with his team ahead and got his head handed to him: after only one inning the ‘Roos were behind (-1) to 10. And with that loss, Canberra slipped under .500.  Can you imagine what that must have been like for Yates, and Kangaroo fans all over the world? What would Jerry have said? Who knows, but here are my guesses:
Oh the marsupiality!
This is a terrible thing for the Kangaroos!
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Kaline: W, 7 – 0. (53 PA, .319, .358, .574; 8 ip, 0 er. 0.00 ERA).
Those heartless opportunists, the Drive, had this to say Saturday:
The Drive will likely offend all the teams that finish below us,
and our plan is therefore to offend half the league.
Then, on the very day of the Kangaroo disaster,  the Drive suddenly are OPSing .933 and Stroman, Buttrey, and Minter (ahem) are throwing a nearly-complete game shutout. Mercifully, they couldn’t quite compound the ‘Roos’ suffering by consigning them to the bottom half of the standings, but they could not have made it any clearer that they intend to do so at the first opportunity. I can’t find any Coleman quotes that would do justice to this.
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Haviland:  L, 5 – 9. (46 PA, .250, .348, .375; no pitching). 
The Drive, newly Driven by implacable ambition, made roadkill of the Dragons, who acquiesced by offering no pitching and only modest Wolverine-like hitting. On a day like that, Coleman might have had plenty of opportunities to say something like:
“They throw Dave Winfield out at second — and he’s safe.”
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Cottage: W, 6 – 3. (24 PA, .333, .375, .381; 5 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA). 
Tyler Skaggs threw five shutout innings without breaking something, a miracle by his standards, and the hitters were super pesky.  Nicholas Castellanos had the only Cheese extra-base hit, about which Coleman might have said:
“He slides into second with a stand up double.”
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Bellingham:  L, 4 – 7. (36 PA, .344, .405, .594 — Happy Edgar Martinez Day! 1.3 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA).
Ouch. That Edgar Martinez class offensive line only produced four runs because JP Crawford is riding the bench this month, 100%.  So his 4 for 4 with a homer yesterday did nothing to help the C’s. Yikes, Andre! If you act today with one of your three reallocations, you can still capture 21% of Crawford’s 4 for 4 Sunday, his 3 for 4 with a walk Friday, and his June .333, .426, .487 batting line. Culberson’s a great player, too, but he’s leaving you 48 plate appearances short at short.  Those replacement hitters are terrible, generally doing no better than what Jerry Coleman might describe this way:

“He swings and misses, and it’s fouled back.”

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Brookland:  L, 5 – 7. (43 PA, .286, .302, .595;  3 ip, 1 er, 3.00 ERA).
The Outs lost because they took on 5 more replacement pitching innings with their 7.50 ERAs. The relievers muted the effect, bringing the day’s runs allowed (which includes unearned runs) down to 6.7. Meanwhile their hitters only took one walk in 43 plate appearances.  I’m not sure what Jerry Coleman would say about that, but this is what he said about inept batting:
“Eric Show will be oh-for-ten if that pop fly comes down.”
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DC:  W, 3 – (-1). (38 PA, .294, .368, .441; 10 ip, 1 er, 0.90 ERA)
When you are in last place, people adjust their expectations about your team.  So you have a lot of opportunities to catch people napping, say, in trade deals, or even on the field of play.  For example, I did not expect Adrian Sampson to cover 7 innings with only 1 earned run allowed.  Admittedly, this is mostly because I had no idea who he was when DC acquired him. Nor had I noticed his shiny 3.47 June ERA.  Even Jerry Coleman got caught from time to time making unfortunate assumptions:
“They throw Dave Winfield out at second — and he’s safe.”
..
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2019
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Flint Hill Tornadoes 49 28 .637 —
New York Yankees 49 28 .636 —
Tampa Bay Rays 45 33 .577 4.5
Old Detroit Wolverines 44 33 .575 4.7
Boston Red Sox 42 37 .532 8
Toronto Blue Jays 29 49 .372 20.5
Baltimore Orioles 22 56 .282 27.5
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Atlanta Braves 46 32 .590 —
Philadelphia Phillies 39 38 .506 6.5
Canberra Kangaroos 39 39 .494 7.5
Washington Nationals 37 40 .481 8.5
New York Mets 37 41 .474 9
Miami Marlins 30 46 .395 15
D.C. Balk 27 51 .347 18.9
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Minnesota Twins 50 27 .649 —
Cleveland Indians 42 35 .545 8
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 39 38 .503 11.3
Chicago White Sox 36 39 .480 13
Bellingham Cascades 33 44 .429 16.9
Detroit Tigers 26 47 .356 22
Kansas City Royals 27 51 .346 23.5
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Chicago Cubs 42 35 .545 —
Milwaukee Brewers 42 36 .538 0.5
St. Louis Cardinals 40 37 .519 2
Pittsburgh Pirates 36 40 .474 5.5
Cincinnati Reds 36 40 .474 5.5
Cottage Cheese 36 41 .465 6.2
Brookland Outs 31 46 .406 10.7
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Houston Astros 49 30 .620 —
Texas Rangers 42 36 .538 6.5
Oakland A’s 41 38 .519 8
Los Angeles Angels 39 40 .494 10
Kaline Drive 38 41 .484 10.7
Haviland Dragons 38 41 .482 10.9
Seattle Mariners 35 47 .427 15.5
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Los Angeles Dodgers 55 25 .688 —
Portland Rosebuds 54 26 .670 1.4
Colorado Rockies 40 37 .519 13.5
Peshastin Pears 41 39 .506 14.5
Arizona Diamondbacks 39 40 .494 15.5
San Diego Padres 38 40 .487 16
San Francisco Giants 33 43 .434 20