MLB.com published a list of 15 overreactions to opening day.  But it was pretty weak stuff.  Bartolo Colon is the National League East Cy Young Favorite? Clayton Kershaw is washed up? Didi Gregorius isn’t Derek Jeter?

Pffft. Judging by what we’re used to here in the EFL central office, those “overreactions” are barely flinches. You want some REAL overreactions?

Haviland: DNP, 2 – 0.  Forget Steve Pearce’s 1.786 OPS, and Jake Lamb’s 2.100 OPS.  On the other hand, put right out of your mind Jeff Samardzija’s 7.50 ERA — you can get that anywhere in the EFL.  The thing to focus on here is this: Trevor Rosenthal has struck out every batter he’s faced this season!  Hopefully no one in St. Louis has noticed, because if he’s ever made into a starter Rosenthal is going to destroy the game of baseball.

Peshastin: L, 1 – 2.  Seth Smith played Monday, went 3 for 3 with two doubles and a triple (that’s a 3.333 OPS), and the Mariners and Pears both won.  Smith didn’t play today, and both of his teams lost.  Pretty simple lesson there.  But what happens when Rosenthal faces Smith?  (Also: Jay Bruce and Devon Travis are both 1 for 2 with a homer and at least one walk, for OPSes well over 2.500.  Are they twins?)

Kaline, DNP, 1- 0.  The Drive are only going as far as Travis Snider can take them.  So far he’s 4 for 5 with a double and three walks. He’s apparently planning to erase all those years of underachievement in one season. I wonder if you can get a discount on printing playoff tickets in April?

Old Detroit:  W 1, L (-1); 1 – 0.  I suggested yesterday we’d know when the update system was working by whether it restored order in the relationship of the Wolverines to the Cheese.  The update system is working!  The W’s are gradually assembling an offense (.770 OPS Tuesday), although we do hereby demand that the Marlins trade Giancarlo Stanton to a team who has a better #4 hitter than Michael Morse. Stanton was walked 3 times yesterday in front of Michael Morse, who struck out three times (once with the bases loaded and no one out… Miami didn’t score that inning).

Cottage:  DNP, 1 – 0.   I was this close to joining the Arismendy Alcantara Admiration Association.  But it’s pretty clear by now he’s been overrated by some.  Two games into the season, he’s on pace to go 0 for 81 with 81 walks and 81 strikeouts.  That’s really not all that great, you know.

Portland: L, 5 – 7.   The first reports I heard were that Yordany Ventura’s injury was only a cramp in his thumb.  There are some even expecting him to start on Sunday.  But now I read “Kansas City Royals Reminded of Their Mortality” by Ventura’s injury.   I didn’t know thumb cramps could be mortal injuries.  I’m so sorry, Rosebuds.

Flint Hill:  DNP 0 – 1. Monday Dustin Pedroia reminded everyone he wasn’t about to shed his mortal coil by cranking 2 homers and a single in 5 plate appearances for a sparkling 2.400 OPS.  But then yesterday he did nothing. Literally nothing, at least at the plate.  So maybe Monday was too much for him, and maybe he’s going to need  lots of rest at his advanced age. Or… could he have reminded the Tornados of their mortality?  Oh dear, let’s hope not.

Pittsburgh:  DNP, 1 – 1.   No! The Alleghenys are not supposed to be way up here already!! If we are going to keep them from marching inevitably back to the seat of power in the league, they can’t gain the first level back on the second day of the season.   This is very bad.

Canberra: L, 5 – 9.  C’mon, Canberra, you’re supposed to keep those A’s in their place, and always away from the rest of us.  Homers Monday by Abreu and Harper are supposed to be your ticket. And throwing in one Tuesday from the mighty Logan Forsythe was a nice touch. And you don’t have a single earned run allowed, either.  Very nice.  Now… could you maybe scrounge up a starting pitcher?