Have you ever had a dream where you are trying to run to catch something important, but your feet will barely move? Or like my dream last night where I got left behind in the Portland airport when my family flew to Berlin for a vacation, and I kept getting flown to the wrong airports as I tried to catch up? The really creepy part was this: I kept getting help from people with whom I struck up conversations on the various planes to wrong places. I’m shuddering as I write this.
Well, now this awful experience has spilled over from my dream life to my EFL fantasy life — all of it except the part where I talk to strangers on airplanes, thank goodness.
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 20 | 9 | .690 | — | 153.1 | 100.3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 20 | 9 | .681 | 0.2 | 131.3 | 87.7 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 18 | 9 | .661 | 1.1 | 164.5 | 115.4 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 17 | 13 | .564 | 3.6 | 158.7 | 136.1 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 17 | 14 | .551 | 3.9 | 144.2 | 128.3 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 13 | 14 | .498 | 5.5 | 112.2 | 115.1 |
| Peshastin Pears | 14 | 17 | .438 | 7.4 | 129.5 | 146.0 |
| Kaline Drive | 12 | 17 | .404 | 8.3 | 128.8 | 160.8 |
| Cottage Cheese | 11 | 17 | .400 | 8.3 | 103.5 | 128.1 |
| D.C. Balk | 7 | 22 | .246 | 12.9 | 102.0 | 179.5 |
Canberra: W, 4 – 4. (.286, .375, .429; 10.7 ip, 6 er). In the Kangaroos’ case, the dream is about being chased by Dragons. In this dream hero Bryce Harper keeps going forth to slay the Dragons and coming back with the stub of his burnt bat (0 for 3 with a walk). MeanwhileByung-ho the hobbit returns with shiny but useless parts of the Dragons’ hoard (2 for 3 with a HBP).
Haviland: W, 4 – 4. (.259, .344 .296; 17.3 ip, 7 er). The Dragons’ version of the dream involves sweeping menacingly through the skies, swooping down to barbecue a marsupial morsel, only to take a black arrow through Vincent Velasquez (6 ip, 4 er) or have your closer (Justin Wilson) blow a save (1 ip, 2 er).
Old Detroit: W (-1), L 0; (-9) – (-2). (.321, .406, .643 – Happy Edgar Martinez Day!; 15.7 ip, 6 er.) The Orioles and Red Sox continued their leap frogging, so the W’s played (-1) games again yesterday. They had a good day but could not translate it into an assault on first place, so the W’s discover once again that sometimes “it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”
Pittsburgh: L, 0 – 6. (.194, .306, .226; 6.3 ip, 4 er) After the last draft I wailed to Ryan about how stupid I was to let the Alleghenys get Aledmys Diaz. Ryan reassured me. “You don’t want him. His BABIP is way too high. He’s going to regress.” OK, Ryan, sure: Allegheny Aledmys’ line yesterday was 3 for 4 with a double. He’s not regressing. I’ve put the same magic on him I did on Jose Altuve and Jean Segura, the kind that turns little middle infielders into offensive monsters as soon as they slip from my grasp. Logan Forsythe, too. Sigh. I guess I should just accept that this is my mission in life.
Portland: W 2, L 1; 23 – 19. (.324,.439, .647 — Happy Edgar Martinez Day!; 8 ip, 7 er.) Ouch. Yordano Ventura’s melt-down (4 ip, 5 er) undid the ghost of Edgar Martinez for the Royals. Carlos Correa took his turn to bash the Mariners (3 for 3 with a homer and a walk).)
Flint Hill: W (-1), L 0; (-2) – (-4) (.242, .265, .303; 19 ip, 7 er). For the Tornados, the dream involves bearing down on a garden of roses, ready to blow it to smithereens, but never quite reaching it. Although in the Tornados’ case, the negative game played may have prevented a worse retreat.
Peshastin: W 1, L 2; 5 – 14. (.118, .211, .235; 14 ip, 7 er.) That would have been 9 ip 0 er except for Max Scherzer getting sliced up by the Cubs’ chain saws. Anthony Rendon hit a homer, but otherwise the Pears went 3 for 33 for their triple header.
Kaline: W, 7 – 2. (.333, .440, .500 — Happy EMD!; 9.3 ip, 2 er.) The Drive had the best day of anyone in the league. Six batters OPSed 1.000 or more led by Peter Bourjos (2 for 2 with 2 walks and a double). No pitchers had a bad day to ruin Stroman’s fine 7 ip, 2 er, so the ERA stayed just under 2.
Cottage: L, 2- 5. (.161, .188, .323; 1.7 ip, 0 er). Not much happened with the Cottage Cheese. It just sat there in the fridge slowly growing old. That’s not really the same nightmare as we’re talking about today.
D.C.: L, 1 – 2. (.192, .214, .231; 9 ip, 3 er). Very similar to their closest competitors (the Cheese), the Balk put up little offense. Very similar to their other neighbors, the Drive, the Balk got a fine performance from a pitcher (Kenta Maeda; 6 ip, 2 er) and didn’t let their relievers ruin it.