(NOTE: I wrote this update Wednesday at Tuality Medical Center in Hillsboro, while I was waiting for my mom to go through a routine medical check-up procedure. But the wifi there wasn’t working. I just remembered to post it. My apologies.)
Commissioner Humperdinck: What a great day for the EFL! Every team in the league won at least one game!
Princess Buttercup: Except the two slowest.
Commissioner: What?
Princess: Except the two slowest. They didn’t win.
Commissioner: Naturally, not THOSE teams.
EFL Standings for 2017
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Cottage Cheese | 23 | 9 | .708 | — | 183.8 | 114.7 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 21 | 11 | .661 | 1.5 | 163.5 | 116.9 |
| Kaline Drive | 21 | 12 | .635 | 2.5 | 153.2 | 116.1 |
| Peshastin Pears | 21 | 13 | .609 | 3 | 146.3 | 117.7 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 18 | 14 | .569 | 4.5 | 155.5 | 136.2 |
| Haviland Dragons | 18 | 15 | .533 | 5.6 | 176.4 | 165.4 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 16 | 17 | .497 | 6.8 | 154.8 | 152.9 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 16 | 18 | .469 | 7.7 | 167.0 | 174.0 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 12 | 20 | .390 | 10.2 | 120.8 | 160.1 |
| D.C. Balk | 12 | 21 | .363 | 11.2 | 165.3 | 222.7 |
Cottage: W, 6 – 3. (.265, .375, .382; 12.3 ip, 3 er). My apologies to the Cheese. I forgot to process your transactions before I rant the stats. I will do it before to tomorrow, based on the dates you posted them. No harm will be done, except possibly to your pursuers’ hopes.
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Flint Hill: W 1, L 1; 11 – 8. (.294, .400, .647; 18.3 ip, 8 er). I’m not sure the EFL is good for me. My heart fills with envy looking at a line like this, which my team has never come close to achieving this year. Dan Straily’s 7 ip, 1 er hurts the worst.
Kaline: W, 9 – 6. (.327, .413, .618; 2 ip, 0 er) Yesterday I marveled over the Wizard’s ability foresee Yonder Alonso as a superstar. Today it’s Ben Gamel, whose May line goes like this: .429, .529, .679. Yesterday he went .800, .833, .1.600 (4 for 5, a double, a homer, a walk).
Peshastin: W 2, L 0; 9 – (-1). (.245 .322, .472; 18 ip, 2 er). Wow. Such great pitching, including Carrasco’s 7 shutout innings. Khris Davis still misses his owner (0 for 4 with about strikeout, but also a walk), but the Pears as a whole pulled themselves together better.
Pittsburgh: W, 9 – 5. (.375, .487, .531; 2 ip, 0 er). A booming Edgar Martinez Day! Yan Gomes — I thought he was dead! But he went 2 for 3 with a homer and a walk. His May OPS: 1.300. Amazing.
Haviland: W, 6 – 4. (.231, .375, .462; 5 ip, 3 er). Those 5 innings involved five pitchers. The Dragons’ 6 hits involved 6 of their 7 hitters. The guy who didn’t get a hit — Jake Lamb — got two of the Dragons’ 6 walks.
Canberra: W, 9 -3. (.350, .480, .600; 2 ip, 0 er). Mark Reynolds went 3 for 5 with a homer and 3 walks. He’s now slugging 1.000 for May, with an OPS of 1.556. Amazing.
Portland: W 2, L 0; 19 – 6. (.378, .462, .800; 8.7 ip, 1 er). With a batting line like that, there are going to be a bunch of people OPSing over 1.000. In this case we have two Rosebuds who OPSed well over 3.000 for the day. Mookie Betts (OPS 3.250) went 4 for 4 with 2 doubles, a homer and a walk. Phenom Byron Buxton (OPS 3.667) went 3 for 3 with a triple, a homer, a hbp and a sb. That and 6.3 ip, 1 er from Julio Urias sent the Rosebuds on the way to the best day in the EFL.
Old Detroit: W 0, L 2; 5 – 15. (.156, .205, .219; 6 ip, 3 er). Sigh. 5 for 32. Again. Machado: 1 for 6. A single. Yelich: 0 for 1, tossed for arguing with the ump over the called third strike. Schwarber: 1 for 4 with a double in a big Cubs loss, but didn’t play in the other game of the double header, a big Cubs win.
After the M’s put Iwakuma on the DL, mlbtraderumors said the Mariners had “a stunning 80% of their opening day rotation on the disabled list.” Hah. Here are the W’s Opening Day Starters, as originally envisioned:
1. Madison Bumgarner: On the DL
2. Corey Kluber : May ERA: 15.00. Also on the DL.
3. Rich Hill: On the DL
4. Matt Moore: May ERA: 12.45. Would be more useful on the DL.
5. Anthony DeSclafani On the DL
Way beyond stunning. Worse than having 80% of your Opening Day rotation on the DL. And when the Wolverines dipped into their depth at starter?
6. Tyler Skaggs: On the DL.
7. Francisco Liriano: May ERA: 7.36
8. Clayton Richard: May ERA: 9.00
9. Alex Meyer May ERA: 8.68 (inactive)
10. Robert Whalen Came off the DL Monday, sent to minors
11. Andrew Heaney On the DL
To be fair, there is one bright spot, thanks to the Pears and at the cost of Jackie Bradley, Jr:
Alex Wood: May ERA: 3.60
DC: L, 5 – 15. (.256, .356, .410; 19.3 ip, 20 er). My Balkan twins suffered exactly as much, but did it differently: with excruciating pitching over 19+ innings. Three starters combined for 13 ER in 16 ip. Then Kyle Barraclough came in to put out the fire. He lasted 0.3 ip, surrendering 4 er for a nifty Royal Chulk. That’s the way life goes out here in the “naturally, not those teams” neck of the woods.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2017
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Baltimore Orioles | 22 | 10 | .688 | — |
| New York Yankees | 21 | 10 | .677 | 0.5 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 21 | 11 | .661 | 0.8 |
| Boston Red Sox | 17 | 15 | .531 | 5 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 16 | 19 | .457 | 7.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 12 | 20 | .390 | 9.5 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 12 | 21 | .364 | 10.5 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Washington Nationals | 21 | 12 | .636 | — |
| New York Mets | 16 | 16 | .500 | 4.5 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 16 | 17 | .497 | 4.6 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 13 | 18 | .419 | 7 |
| Miami Marlins | 13 | 19 | .406 | 7.5 |
| Atlanta Braves | 11 | 19 | .367 | 8.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 12 | 21 | .363 | 9 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 18 | 14 | .569 | — |
| Cleveland Indians | 18 | 14 | .563 | 0.2 |
| Minnesota Twins | 16 | 14 | .533 | 1.2 |
| Detroit Tigers | 16 | 15 | .516 | 1.7 |
| Chicago White Sox | 15 | 16 | .484 | 2.7 |
| Kansas City Royals | 12 | 20 | .375 | 6.2 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Cottage Cheese | 23 | 9 | .708 | — |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 18 | 14 | .563 | 4.7 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 18 | 15 | .545 | 5.2 |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 17 | 16 | .515 | 6.2 |
| Chicago Cubs | 17 | 16 | .515 | 6.2 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 14 | 19 | .424 | 9.2 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 22 | 11 | .667 | — |
| Kaline Drive | 21 | 12 | .626 | 1.3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 18 | 15 | .533 | 4.4 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 17 | 18 | .486 | 6 |
| Seattle Mariners | 16 | 17 | .485 | 6 |
| Oakland A’s | 15 | 18 | .455 | 7 |
| Texas Rangers | 14 | 20 | .412 | 8.5 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Colorado Rockies | 21 | 13 | .618 | — |
| Peshastin Pears | 21 | 13 | .609 | 0.3 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 19 | 14 | .576 | 1.5 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 18 | 16 | .529 | 3 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 16 | 18 | .469 | 5 |
| San Diego Padres | 13 | 21 | .382 | 8 |
| San Francisco Giants | 11 | 23 | .324 | 10 |