The Peshastin Pears appeared out of nowhere atop the EFL standings this morning. They were in 7th place yesterday. They played ONE game (net), outscored their foes 13 – (-3), leapt over 6 teams, and flattened the entire league in astonishment.
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I did not see this coming. I have never seen it before. I don’t believe what I just saw.
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I am agape with questions:
- Isn’t this league amazing?
- How did they do that?
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EFL Standings for 2019
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Peshastin Pears | 5 | 2 | .646 | — | 41.8 | 30.9 |
| Cottage Cheese | 4 | 3 | .642 | — | 44.4 | 33.1 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 4 | 2 | .654 | 0.1 | 29.9 | 21.8 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 4 | 3 | .581 | 0.5 | 36.2 | 30.7 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 4 | 3 | .579 | 0.5 | 31.7 | 27.1 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 2 | 3 | .490 | 1.1 | 27.1 | 27.6 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 3 | 4 | .488 | 1.1 | 36.3 | 37.2 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 2 | 3 | .466 | 1.2 | 23.4 | 25.1 |
| Kaline Drive | 3 | 5 | .355 | 2.2 | 22.5 | 30.3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 2 | 6 | .257 | 3 | 30.1 | 51.2 |
| D.C. Balk | 1 | 5 | .164 | 3 | 18.1 | 41.0 |
| Brookland Outs | 1 | 6 | .171 | 3.3 | 19.1 | 42.1 |
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Peshastin: W 2, L (-1); 13 – (-3). (35 PA, .400, .571, .680; 15.7 ip, 2 er, 1.15 ERA).
It’s simple, really. If you want to rocket six places in the standings in a single day and leave an entire league gasping on the floor, all you have to do is:
1. Bat .400 as a team, led by nearly identical alphabetical bookends Ozzie Albies (3 f0r 4, 1 homer, 1 walk, 1 sb) and Juan Soto (3 for 4, 1 homer, 1 walk, 1 double).
2. Add 8 more walks — involving everyone except your catcher — and two more stolen bases
3. Make sure you have no DP, SB, SH, or SF, and your catcher gets a hit.
But then you also have to:
4. Get an unlikely pitcher (Freddy Peralta will do) to pitch 8 shutout innings with 11 strikeouts.
5. Get another pitcher (say, a Jameson Taillon) to pitch, finally, like he was long hyped to do (7 ip, 1 er).
6. Get Robert Gsellman out of there quick (0.7 ip) if he’s messing it all up (1 er).
And you also will need to have most of the teams in front of you stumble. No one has to collapse. Some of them can have very good days. But you probably have to be the only one lighting your stadium afire.
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Cottage: “L”, 8 – 7. (30 PA, .280, .400, .500; 3.7 ip, 2 er, 4.91 ERA). I know the Cheese are only an eyelash behind the Pears. But you’ll never keep up if it takes 4 pitchers to produce 3 2/3 innings of 4.91 ERA results. Nor if you can only manage 5 walks and one stolen base. Nor if you lose while outscoring your opponents. On the other hand, the league thanks you for not finishing in first, so I can go ahead and do an update.
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Canberra: W 1, L 1; 7 – 10. (42 PA, .225, .262, .300; 10.3 ip, 6 er, 5.23 ERA). I think I hinted recently that the K’s should trade Corey K. Did they listen? Noooooo. Should they have? Well, here’s Kluber’s line from yesterday: 3.3 ip, 4 er. Had they not had Kluber, the Kangaroos might be in first place today, even with the paltry hitting.
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Old Detroit: L, 4 – 4. (35 PA, .250, .314, .344; 11.3 ip, 4 er, 3.18 ERA). Gah. The Wolverines got the message wrong. The pitchers gave up 10 walks (almost — 9, actually) while the hitters amassed 10 … strikeouts. Jonathan Loaisiga did his little magical apPearance act, apparating out of the minors to put in a nice little start (4 ip, 1 er). Now if only James Pazos could do the same so we could get our 1/3 of an inning of left handed relief…
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Portland: W, 7 – 1. (54 PA, .191, .291, .404; 10.7 ip, 2 er, 1.69 ERA). The beautiful thing about the Pears’ whirlwind ride to the top is this: the Rosebuds had a great day, using some sort of alchemy to manufacture 7 runs out of a .191 batting average. But they didn’t advance a single notch in the standings. Of course, we have to give some credit for this to the stalwart Wolverines, who kept the ‘Buds at bay by a single clawnail.
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Pittsburgh: W 0, L (-1); (-2) – (-9). (42 PA, .306, .395, .500; 12.3 ip, 5 er). The Alleghenys rode the vortex of the Pears’ hyperjump, ascending two places in the standings by erasing one of their games played while still amassing PA and Ip. Pretty good PA and IP, to boot. Blake Swihart, a day late to Blake day, went 3 for 4 with a homer to lead the Pittsburgh… um, it’s not an attack if you are subtracting games played, right? Maybe it’s an excision, or even an exorcism.
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Flint Hill: L, 2 – 4. (.189, .268, .297; 7.3 ip, 3 er). Nature abhors a vacuum. And if someone suddenly teleports from 7th place to 1st place, nature will plug the hole with something. In this case, it latched onto the Tornados. Caught in a moment of anemic offense, and inadequately defended by merely pretty good pitching, the Tornados learnt what it was like to be swept away in a storm.
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Bellingham: W (-1), L 0; (-7) – (-10). (24 PA, .200. .333, .200; 2.7 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA) The Cascades, improbably, were also swept away a bit. These Cascades are just not bulking up enough — too few PA and IP to avoid replacements. Even a perfect day from Bryce Harper (2 for 2 with 3 walks) wasn’t enough ballast against the swirling whirlwinds.
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Kaline: DNP, (-2) – (-2). (46 PA, .119, .196, .190; 2 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA) Like the Cascades, the Drive snacked on some nutritious pitching without getting a full meal. But Kaline filled up big time on hitting. Except it was of the junk food variety: 14 strikeout Cheetos, but only 5 green bean hits and one slice of homer (by Steven Duggar).
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Haviland: DNP, 2 – 1. (41 PA, .250, .341, .472; 4.3 ip, 5 er, 10.38 ERA). The Dragons snuck one notch up the standings while everyone was distracted. Solid hitting, let by Kolten Wong and Amed Rosario each delivering a triple and a walk, counteracted crummy pitching, “led” by Luis Avilan’s disastrous inning in which he surrendered 2 hits, 2 walks, and 3 earned runs.
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DC: W 0, L 2; 5 – 17. (38 PA, .229, .289, .314; 1 ip, 1 er). A forgettable day in DC led to a 2-spot drop in the standings. On the other hand, Willians Astudillo went 3 for 5 with a double — and two GIDP’s — to provide the District with a dash of color.
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Brookland: L, 4 – (-4) (36 PA, .265, .306, .412; 12.7 ip, 2 er, 1.42 ERA). Despite some excellent pitching (Charlie Morton and Carlos Rodon both spinning 6 inning shutout gems) the Outs could not pull themselves out of the cellar. They used to say that Washington, D.C. was first in war, first in peace, and last in the American League. But we have done that even better: we have a Washington-based team last in the EFL, and a backup D.C. team in next-to-last in case anything happens to the Outs.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2019
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 5 | 2 | .714 | — |
| Baltimore Orioles | 4 | 2 | .667 | 0.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 4 | 3 | .581 | 0.9 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 3 | 4 | .488 | 1.6 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 3 | 4 | .429 | 2 |
| New York Yankees | 2 | 4 | .333 | 2.5 |
| Boston Red Sox | 2 | 5 | .286 | 3 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| New York Mets | 5 | 1 | .833 | — |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 4 | 1 | .800 | 0.5 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 4 | 2 | .654 | 1.1 |
| Washington Nationals | 2 | 3 | .400 | 2.5 |
| Atlanta Braves | 2 | 3 | .400 | 2.5 |
| Miami Marlins | 2 | 5 | .286 | 3.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 1 | 5 | .164 | 4 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Minnesota Twins | 4 | 1 | .800 | — |
| Detroit Tigers | 4 | 3 | .571 | 1 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 2 | 3 | .490 | 1.6 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 2 | 3 | .466 | 1.7 |
| Chicago White Sox | 2 | 3 | .400 | 2 |
| Cleveland Indians | 2 | 3 | .400 | 2 |
| Kansas City Royals | 2 | 3 | .400 | 2 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 6 | 1 | .857 | — |
| Cottage Cheese | 4 | 3 | .642 | 1.5 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 3 | 3 | .500 | 2.5 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 1 | 3 | .250 | 3.5 |
| Chicago Cubs | 1 | 4 | .200 | 4 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 1 | 4 | .200 | 4 |
| Brookland Outs | 1 | 6 | .171 | 4.8 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Seattle Mariners | 7 | 1 | .875 | — |
| Texas Rangers | 4 | 2 | .667 | 2 |
| Oakland A’s | 5 | 4 | .556 | 2.5 |
| Kaline Drive | 3 | 5 | .355 | 4.2 |
| Houston Astros | 2 | 5 | .286 | 4.5 |
| Haviland Dragons | 2 | 6 | .257 | 4.9 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 1 | 5 | .167 | 5 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 5 | 2 | .714 | — |
| San Diego Padres | 4 | 2 | .667 | 0.5 |
| Peshastin Pears | 5 | 2 | .646 | 0.5 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 4 | 3 | .579 | 0.9 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 3 | 4 | .429 | 2 |
| Colorado Rockies | 3 | 4 | .429 | 2 |
| San Francisco Giants | 2 | 5 | .286 | 3 |