Friends:
Here is the mandated record of our final standings for the month of April. (Kudos to Baseball Prospectus for having the stats already updated at 5:45 this morning! They have been a lot earlier this year.)
Later today I’ll work on firming up the final draft list with the straggling debutants (incuding the strangely missing Kikuchi) and getting some recalcitrant players to release their tax returns so we know what their salaries are and whether they are awash in foreign emoluments accounting for their strangely smooth skins. It will be exciting to see how well I can do this without Dave hovering protectively nearby.
.
EFL Standings for 2019
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Portland Rosebuds | 21 | 11 | .647 | — | 210.8 | 155.8 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 19 | 10 | .652 | 0.3 | 175.7 | 128.3 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 18 | 10 | .650 | 0.5 | 182.3 | 133.7 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 15 | 12 | .548 | 3.4 | 134.2 | 121.8 |
| Kaline Drive | 15 | 15 | .491 | 5 | 102.9 | 104.8 |
| Peshastin Pears | 16 | 16 | .489 | 5.1 | 157.4 | 161.0 |
| Cottage Cheese | 13 | 16 | .433 | 6.7 | 142.0 | 162.6 |
| Haviland Dragons | 13 | 17 | .423 | 7 | 137.8 | 161.0 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 11 | 17 | .388 | 7.8 | 132.5 | 166.4 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 10 | 17 | .361 | 8.5 | 127.7 | 169.9 |
| D.C. Balk | 10 | 19 | .354 | 8.9 | 124.3 | 168.0 |
| Brookland Outs | 10 | 19 | .350 | 9 | 132.5 | 180.5 |
.
Portland: W, 10 – 5. (26 PA, .417, .444, .708; 8 ip, 4 er, 4.50 ERA). Doggone it, Rosebuds, I just about had the league lined up for an historic photo of the top 5 teams standing in order of their ages — the first time that’ s ever happened — but you got out of your place in line! You squirrelly kids are so aggravating sometimes. Now we have to go back and do the entire month over again, starting at game 1.
.
Canberra: “W”, 4 – 4. (33 PA, .167, .242, .400; 6.3 ip, 3 er, 4.26 ERA). The Captain Kangaroo pointed out to me last night the historic feature of yesterday’s standings (the top 5 teams arranged from youngest owner to oldest, the most we’ve ever had so neatly line up). This was part of his annual birthday phone call wherein I apologize for not having his present yet. (I was going to give him first place for his present until those Rosebuds messed everything up.) He told me it was okay. “It’s the thought about the thought that counts,” he explained.
.
Flint Hill: DNP, (-1) – (-1). (33 PA, .214, .333, .429; 1 ip, 0 er, 0 ERA). I can’t think of anything clever to say about the Tornados. I don’t have time today to think about it. I owe you one, Flint Hill. I’ll get you a clever comment right after I get Canberra a birthday present.
.
Pittsburgh: L, 0 – 9. (30 PA, .107, .167, .179; 0.3 ip, 3 er, 81.00 ERA). Combine a nonuple chulk from Adalberto Mejia with an analogous performance from 10 Allegheny hitters and you have the recipe for complete ejection from the top tier in the league. Don’t let it bother you, Chief Allegheny. It’s not about you personally. It’s about your age. I’m sure they’ll let you back in to the elite tier once you get that cleared up.
.
Kaline: W, 5 – 3. (30 PA, .231, .333, .500; 13.7 ip, 5 er, 3.29 ERA). I was thinking about trying to get the entire league lined up in the standings according to their age. But I have to give up on that project. Not only is Portland wandering out of its place in the line, I don’t think I can get the Drive to cooperate.
.
Peshastin: W, 5 – 2. (43 PA, .189, .318, .514; 3.3 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA). It’s 7 AM. I have to get to my exam within the next hour. I may have to finish this there. Let’s see.
.
Cottage: “W”, 2 – 6. (30 PA, .222, .300, .296; 2 ip, 0 er, 0 ERA). That’s really 1.7 – 6.3, the most lopsided “W” I’ve ever seen. But the Cheese have been adequately punished for their shyster ways: they are now firmly attached to the bottom tier of merry ne’er do wells, stretching from Cottage Street all the way across the continent to Brookland.
.
Haviland: W, 8 – 7. (33 PA, .367, .424, .500; 4.7 ip, 3 er, 5.79 ERA). Keep hitting like that and we’re going to have to toss you out of the bottom-dwelling tier. Think, man, before it’s too late! Where will you go if we exile you?
.
Old Detroit: DNP, 2 – 3. (27 PA, .304, .407, .565 — happy Edgar Martinez Day!; 11.7 ip, 9 er, 6.94 ERA — Happy Edgar Martinez Day to our opponents, too!).
.
Bellingham: L, 5 – 8. (31 PA, .231, .355, .346; 1 ip, 1 er, 9 era). You need more than a Justin Turner homer to win games in this league.
.
DC: L, 1 – 5. (24 PA, .095, .208, .095; 3 ip, 0 er, 0 era). I look at that batting line and I think “1 for 21 with 3 walks” but I’m wrong. It was 2 walks and a hbp.
.
Brookland: L, 3 – 9. (37 PA, .219, .324, .250; 0 pitching) At last our long April nightmare is over, friends. Let’s make May a merrier month.
.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2019
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 19 | 9 | .679 | — |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 18 | 10 | .650 | 0.8 |
| New York Yankees | 17 | 12 | .586 | 2.5 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 14 | 15 | .483 | 5.5 |
| Boston Red Sox | 13 | 17 | .433 | 7 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 11 | 17 | .388 | 8.1 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 10 | 20 | .333 | 10 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 19 | 10 | .652 | — |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 16 | 13 | .552 | 2.9 |
| New York Mets | 15 | 14 | .517 | 3.9 |
| Atlanta Braves | 14 | 15 | .483 | 4.9 |
| Washington Nationals | 12 | 16 | .429 | 6.4 |
| D.C. Balk | 10 | 19 | .354 | 8.7 |
| Miami Marlins | 8 | 21 | .276 | 10.9 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Minnesota Twins | 17 | 10 | .630 | — |
| Cleveland Indians | 16 | 12 | .571 | 1.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 15 | 12 | .548 | 2.2 |
| Detroit Tigers | 13 | 14 | .481 | 4 |
| Chicago White Sox | 12 | 14 | .462 | 4.5 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 10 | 17 | .361 | 7.3 |
| Kansas City Royals | 9 | 20 | .310 | 9 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 19 | 10 | .655 | — |
| Chicago Cubs | 15 | 12 | .556 | 3 |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 17 | 14 | .548 | 3 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 13 | 14 | .481 | 5 |
| Cottage Cheese | 13 | 16 | .433 | 6.5 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 12 | 17 | .414 | 7 |
| Brookland Outs | 10 | 19 | .350 | 8.8 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 18 | 12 | .600 | — |
| Seattle Mariners | 18 | 14 | .563 | 1 |
| Texas Rangers | 14 | 14 | .500 | 3 |
| Kaline Drive | 15 | 15 | .491 | 3.3 |
| Oakland A’s | 14 | 18 | .438 | 5 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 13 | 17 | .433 | 5 |
| Haviland Dragons | 13 | 17 | .423 | 5.3 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Portland Rosebuds | 21 | 11 | .647 | — |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 20 | 12 | .625 | 0.7 |
| San Diego Padres | 17 | 13 | .567 | 2.7 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 17 | 13 | .567 | 2.7 |
| Peshastin Pears | 16 | 16 | .489 | 5.1 |
| Colorado Rockies | 13 | 17 | .433 | 6.7 |
| San Francisco Giants | 12 | 18 | .400 | 7.7 |