(We here in Oregon are beset by PERS (Pubic Employee Retirement System) crisis. The PERS system is generating exponentially growing obligations for the state and there doesn’t seem to be a solution. It’s a nasty mess. I think about it almost every day.
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If only it was Purrs crisis instead. In my dreams.
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EFL Standings for 2019
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 28 | 13 | .679 | — | 240.3 | 168.0 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 28 | 17 | .619 | 2 | 272.3 | 211.4 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 24 | 19 | .562 | 4.7 | 246.4 | 219.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 22 | 21 | .502 | 7.2 | 203.7 | 202.7 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 20 | 21 | .493 | 7.6 | 214.9 | 217.8 |
| Peshastin Pears | 22 | 23 | .478 | 8.3 | 211.3 | 220.3 |
| Kaline Drive | 20 | 24 | .464 | 8.9 | 165.0 | 179.7 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 20 | 23 | .457 | 9.2 | 215.8 | 238.8 |
| Haviland Dragons | 20 | 24 | .448 | 9.6 | 197.4 | 220.2 |
| Cottage Cheese | 18 | 23 | .429 | 10.2 | 204.2 | 235.6 |
| Brookland Outs | 15 | 26 | .364 | 12.9 | 187.9 | 248.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 15 | 28 | .351 | 13.7 | 178.6 | 242.7 |
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Flint Hill: DNP, 1 – 0. My geology lesson yesterday inspired this missive from Tornado management:
Dear Commissioner:
Our AAA affiliate is affectionately known as the Sand Dunes. Now you know. Also, Flint is not crusty, so you might need to take that back.
— J. “Thunderhead” J.
If I might take this opportunity to respond:
and Rock City
are (incredibly enough) real places in Kansas. Coronado Heights is a 300′ high hill “alleged to be … the place where Francisco Vásquez de Coronado gave up his search for the seven cities of gold and turned around to return to Mexico”, according to Wikipedia. Rock City is a field of giant rocks near Minneapolis. Not that fairy-tale Minneapolis where the Twins play. I mean the REAL Minneapolis somewhere in the middle of Kansas.
I’ve been to both of these places. (They tell me I’ve been to the Flint Hills, too, but I’m afraid I didn’t notice.) Both places are ideal locations for a farm team.
A) They attract tourists. Exhibit A: me. Exhibit B: Melanie, in both cases. That may exceed the record attendance at a Tornados home game.
B) They are surrounded by farms. In fact, Rock City used to be a farm until they figured out how to make money from flocks of tourists by selling them Rock City refrigerator magnets like the one I used to have.
The Coronado Heights Conquistadores! The Rock City Concretions, featuring a round rock painted white with red “baseball stitching”! The teams market themselves. The option of going to a farm league baseball game would multiply the attraction of these worthy tourist spots many times over. And diversify greatly the market for refrigerator magnets.
With these wonderful options, why would you place your farm team in some kind of imaginary — at least in Kansas — and obviously non-farm place called Sand Dunes? Do you have to live in a dream world? Isn’t the real world good enough for you?
2. Flint isn’t crusty? What could be crustier than flint? My Rock City refrigerator magnet wasn’t. It broke from a 4′ fall off the refrigerator. Nothing made of flint would have fractured from such a short fall.
3. Or maybe you are referring to your own persona. Consider this: no one else was crusty enough to challenge the Commissioner’s judgment on the crustiness of flint.
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Portland: DNP, 0 – 2. (27 PA, .208, .296, .250; 5 ip, 5 er, 9 ERA.) Has anyone here ever heard of Kevin Newman? Not me. It turns out he’s a shortstop for the Pirates. He achieved (as far as I know) his greatest notoriety ever last night by leading the Rosebuds with a double and a single in four trips to the plate. It was a crummy day for the Rosebuds, but the lack of a game played has blunted the day’s negative effects. Don’t worry. Those negative effects will apply, like a slow-release medication.
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Canberra: L, 2 – 2. (19 PA, .067, .063, .267; 11.7 ip, 5 er, 3.86 ERA). Michael Pineda struggled with the Wolverines, but those Kangaroo pitching coaches seem to be bringing him around. Pineda went 7 innings while allowing just 3 earned runs. But great pitching won’t be enough if, as they did Thursday, Kangaroo hitters can’t do better than 1 for 15. Well, ok, they DID do better than 1 for 15 — that one was a Michael Conforto homer. But the K’s still only achieved a .329 team OPS. That’s not promising for a team with dreams of a championship .
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Pittsburgh: “W”, 5 – 7. (34 PA, .226, .294, .452; 0.7 ip, 0 er, o.00 era) I first wrote the Alleghenys’ home as “Purrsburgh.” I had a couple of my fingers one key too far to the left.
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CS Lewis said he always wished dragons were real. Or Tolkien. Maybe they both said it.
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I wish Purrsburgh was real.
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Old Detroit: DNP, (-4) – (-5). (36 PA, .235, .278, .441; 7.7 ip, 1 er, 1.17 ERA). Mallex Smith’s first at bat since returning from Tacoma culminated in a home run. After that he went 0 for 3. Vogelbach’s last at-bat yesterday for the M’s was a homer. Other than that he went 0 for 3. Kyle Schwarber’s last at bat was a K. Other than that, he went 0 for 3. This would all be easier to take if Purrsburgh was real…
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Peshastin: DNP, (-8) – 0. (56 PA, .340, .400, .580; 5.3 ip, 4 er, 6.75 ERA) A tragic accident befell the Pears yesterday. Somewhere along the way I accidentally credited them with their entire season’s stats, rather than just the stats they’d earned in May. Tragically, I discovered my error this morning while investigating an anonymous complaint from someone in Flint Hill about lots of extra PA in the PP stats. The tragic part was having to remove some strong April numbers from the Pears’ May stats. That’s how a great day at the plate can lead to a -8 score. Would it helps, O Pears, if I could also tell you “Purrsburgh is real!”?
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Kaline: DNP, 3 – (-3). (35 PA, .375, .429, .563; 15 ip, 7 er, 4.20 ERA). Off-days produce odd results. A 4.20 ERA will not produce a (-3) runs against stat, unless it wipes out replacement innings on an off day.
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Bellingham L, 5 – 1o. (27 PA, .333, .333, .619; 2.3 ip, 3 er, 11.57 ERA). Every Cascade who came to the plate got at least one hit Thursday. Acuna got 2, and JP Crawford and Hunter Pence each homered. Charlie Culberson only got one hit, but it was (of course) a pinch hit, so he OPSed 2.000 on the day, All this good stuff, but still a loss? Yes, because Brad Boxberger was Bad Boxberger again, chulking with 3 earned runs allowed in 1.3 ip. Also because only 6 players batted, including a catcher, a shortstop, three outfielders and a pinch hitter. Replacement players contributed 3.1 plate appearances at the following positions: 1b, 2b, ss, lf, and OH. And replacement pitchers covered 5 innings of starting pitching and 1/3 inning of left handed relief.
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Haviland: W 1, L (-1); 2 – (-1). (35 PA, .290, .371, .387; 1 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA) Here’s the irony: dragons are realer than Purrsburgh. I don’t know what Lewis and Tolkien are doing now. If they’re paying attention to matters on Earth, and if 50 years of Paradise have purified their tastes to the point where they’ve become fantasy baseball fans, surely the Haviland Dragons are their favorite team.
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Now I wish I knew this was true.
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Cottage: “W”, 5 – 9. (26 PA, .292, .346, .333; o pitching.) Also I miss the good old days of Yandy, Yonny and Yoan. Y do so many good things have to pass away? It was just Yoan yesterday, 0-for-5-lost without his Y bros.
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Brookland: L, 5 – 14. (26 PA, .333, .385, .583; 3 ip, 8 er, 24.00 ERA). The Outs tried to emulate the Cascades, sending 6 men to the plate who all got at least one hit. They even did the ‘Cades one better because CJ Cron went 4 for 5 with a homer! But then they let little Vladdy Jr bat four times. He went 0 for those 4. And with Erik Swanson getting double-chulk torched, it didn’t turn out for the Outs as they had dreamed.
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DC: L, 5 – 5. (17 PA, .286, .412, .429, 4.7 ip, 2 er , 3.86 ERA). Minimalists shouldn’t minimalize on a day when they have a game. Sending only 4 men to the plate, even though they all reached base safely at least once, just doesn’t get much done for you.
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Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2019
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 28 | 13 | .679 | — |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 26 | 15 | .634 | 1.8 |
| New York Yankees | 26 | 16 | .619 | 2.3 |
| Boston Red Sox | 23 | 20 | .535 | 5.8 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 20 | 21 | .493 | 7.6 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 17 | 26 | .395 | 11.8 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 14 | 29 | .326 | 14.8 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 24 | 19 | .562 | — |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 24 | 19 | .558 | 0.2 |
| Atlanta Braves | 23 | 21 | .523 | 1.7 |
| New York Mets | 20 | 22 | .476 | 3.7 |
| Washington Nationals | 18 | 25 | .419 | 6.2 |
| D.C. Balk | 15 | 28 | .351 | 9.1 |
| Miami Marlins | 10 | 31 | .244 | 13.2 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Minnesota Twins | 28 | 15 | .651 | — |
| Cleveland Indians | 23 | 19 | .548 | 4.5 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 22 | 21 | .502 | 6.4 |
| Chicago White Sox | 20 | 22 | .476 | 7.5 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 20 | 23 | .457 | 8.3 |
| Detroit Tigers | 18 | 24 | .429 | 9.5 |
| Kansas City Royals | 15 | 29 | .341 | 13.5 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago Cubs | 25 | 16 | .610 | — |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 27 | 19 | .587 | 0.5 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 23 | 21 | .523 | 3.5 |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 21 | 20 | .512 | 4 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 20 | 24 | .455 | 6.5 |
| Cottage Cheese | 18 | 23 | .429 | 7.4 |
| Brookland Outs | 15 | 26 | .364 | 10.1 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 29 | 15 | .659 | — |
| Seattle Mariners | 22 | 24 | .478 | 8 |
| Los Angeles Angels | 20 | 23 | .465 | 8.5 |
| Texas Rangers | 19 | 22 | .463 | 8.5 |
| Kaline Drive | 20 | 24 | .464 | 8.6 |
| Haviland Dragons | 20 | 24 | .448 | 9.3 |
| Oakland A’s | 20 | 25 | .444 | 9.5 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 29 | 16 | .644 | — |
| Portland Rosebuds | 28 | 17 | .619 | 1.1 |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 24 | 20 | .545 | 4.5 |
| San Diego Padres | 23 | 21 | .523 | 5.5 |
| Peshastin Pears | 22 | 23 | .478 | 7.5 |
| Colorado Rockies | 20 | 22 | .476 | 7.5 |
| San Francisco Giants | 18 | 24 | .429 | 9.5 |