Here I will lament the costs of violence to my team. You can add your own laments or exultations if you wish.
Alas for my beautiful team.
Gone is the anchor of my rotation, the Beast, the National League Leader in Homers to start the season, felled in a moment of Madness by a common dirt bike.
Gone is the rotation I built so patiently on that foundation: Bumgarner, Kluber, Hill, Moore, Liriano. Also gone are DeSclafani and Skaggs, my other stalwart starters. Now I have only the misshapen rotation of Kluber, Moore, Liriano… with Hill supposedly returning to action soon, but probably as a reliever. That’s not enough starters — Richard is needed as the lefty reliever.
Which means I had to find a pitcher. So… GONE is my beautiful outfield, so patiently built: Yelich, Bradley, Polanco. All young, all graceful fielders, all dangerous hitters. I had to send Bradley to the Pears to get Alex Wood to be my fourth starter. Now klutzy Kyle Schwarber has to play the outfield. Which means…
GONE is my beautiful Ruthian other hitter, transforming before my eyes to a lesser version of Adam Dunn.
GONE is my superstar Manny Machado, who has had to surge to get his batting average to .224.
GONE is my secret weapon, set to emerge at any moment, my Profar sent to the minors.
GONE are my hopes of contending for the pennant. Now my Wolverines are the Wolveruins, a ramshackle hermitage for the drug abuser Starling Marte, who shall not play for the Wolverines. He will be traded when his penance is over.