Hy(pear)ion?

Years ago, while a college student (my 20th reunion is next year…how old does that make me feel? Very old) I decided I would like to become a crossword puzzler. It wasn’t too much of a surprise because my father, whom I respected and admired (still do, for the record), was an ardent puzzler himself. And I liked words. As a child I would read the dictionary while sitting on the toilet and felt as though my vocabulary was proficient enough to be able to excel at completing a daily labyrinth-like lexicon. 

It didn’t take very many attempts before I realized that crossword puzzles have their own language, rife with frequent yet obscure clues that tend to be repeated across multiple puzzles. One of those oft-used clues was (and perhaps still is?),”Type of pear.”

Up until this point I had assumed there were three types of pears – not-quite ripe, ripe, and rotten. But I could never make those answers fit into the boxes provided in the puzzle. And so I called my dad, who graciously informed me there were indeed multiple types of pears, but the ones found most often in crossword puzzles were Bosc and Anjou. Sure enough, one of those two answers (with an occasional Asian pear reference) would help me to come nearer to the completion of puzzles.

However, this morning I discovered that not only are there those three types of pears, there are actually 10 different types! You can search the image above to see many of them, all differentiated by their crispness and sweetness. 

But today I discovered an 11th type of pear – this one filled with helium and not meant to be eaten, but rather admired, a thing at which to be gawked. This is the Peshastin Pear.

It was only two days ago. Yes, I did the archival research just like Ron did, but mine did not take me back years – merely hours to find what I was looking for. And I did find it, though it is still difficult to believe:

On April 12th, 2021, the Pears were in last place in the EFL with a record of 3 wins and 7 losses, 5.3 games behind the leader (who on that day was, like today, the Wolverines). This morning, as Dave’s wonderful database spit out all of the sweet and crispy numbers the only EFL member named after a fruit somehow managed to defy gravity and now look:

The Pears are in 4th place with a record of 8-3, a mere 1.3 games behind the Wolverines. That means in 2 days (2 DAYS!) the Pears gained 4 games on first place on the strength of 5 wins and -4 losses. 

These Peshastin Pears are hardy but light, and I, for one, am not sure I like them.