What immortal hand?

EFL
Team	Wins	Losses	Pct.	GB	RS	RA
Old Detroit Wolverines	41	24	.624	—	359.5	279.1
Portland Rosebuds	41	26	.607	1	344.8	270.9
Canberra Kangaroos	39	28	.577	2.9	334.6	283.1
Haviland Dragons	39	28	.577	2.9	318.5	276.4
Pittsburgh Alleghenys	35	30	.546	5	315.7	285.3
Flint Hill Tornadoes	33	32	.511	7.3	289.1	283.1
Peshastin Pears	33	34	.497	8.2	275.4	279.2
Cottage Cheese	30	34	.462	10.4	303.8	323.2
Kaline Drive	27	40	.398	14.9	298.4	367.6
D.C. Balk	22	45	.323	19.9	252.3	376.9

Old Detroit:  W, 5 – 4. (.364, .391, .500; 0 ip, 0 er).  Manny Machado was mighty (3 for 5 with a double).  But Dae-Ho Lee was mightier (2 for 3 with a double and a walk).

Portland:  DNP, 3 – 1. (.375, .447, .594;  5.3 ip, 5 er).  The Rosebuds loaded up on offense for release today when they presumably will get a game in. Ian Desmond led the way (2 for 3 with a homer and two walks) with four others following with OPSes over 1.000.  Junior Guerra did not follow, unless you count OPSes given up: he surrendered those 5 runs in that 5.3 innings.

But here’s the real news:  those of you who yesterday suspected the Rosebuds of propping up the Wolverines only to supplant them today should be ashamed of yourselves.  The Rosebuds not only didn’t take advantage of the Wolverines in their moment of weakness, they took a small step back to allow the W’s to recover themselves.  So in the Rosebuds’ honor I’d like to transform a stanza:

And now, thinking of the kind Rosebuds’ hands and feet delivering coffee beans to addicts,  I’ve just remembered the genus of the most common coffee bean!  (I think.)  This will help me in a trivia game Ryan and I are playing! (Don’t worry, Ryan, I am confident I am not helping you with the answer.)  So thank you once again, Rosebuds!  Are your fans called Rosebuddies?  Of course they are.  Sign me up as a Rosebuddy for the day. (I can’t stay a Rosebuddy, you know, because a Commissioner is never allowed to root specially for one team.)

Canberra: W, 9 – 3. (.324, .378, .618;  3.3 ip, 0 er).   The ‘Roos got offense from the usual sources, their band of sluggers: Harper (2 for 4, homer, walk), Carter (2 for 4, homer, double) Conforto (2 for 4, homer) and, of course, their EWIE Logan Forsythe (2 for 4, walk).  Another quartet, all relievers, provided 3.3 shutout innings, enough for the Kangaroos to retake third place and gain 0.3 games on first place.

Haviland:  “W”, 7 – 9. (.304, .304, .739;  11 ip, 9 er).  I’ve praised Rosebud kindness, so I need to lift a word for Dragon Generosity.  While some Dragons devoured a few maiden pitchers — look at that slugging percentage! Talk about sinews and dread hands! — Dragon pitchers made amends by serving up fat pitches aplenty. Thus the Dragons stood aside to let the Kangaroos pass — barely.  Beware, O ‘Roos!  Don’t let the Dragons drag too deeply on your scent!  They are still ferocious predators, a much better topic for William Blake than misspelled Tygers, had he only thought of them. “Draggon, Draggon, burning bright, in the forests of the night!”  Much better — dragons actually DO burn. Or would, if they existed, but if that was going to be a problem for you, then you would not be in the EFL.

Pittsburgh:  DNP, 1 – 1.  (.143, .333, .571;  0.7 ip, 1 er).  I wonder sometimes whether the Alleghenys ever feel inadequate for being so short. The Rockies stride across the continent like a phalanx of giants. The Cascades comprise a chain of looming, hauntingly beautiful peaks, dangerous in their imperfect dormancy. The Alleghenys?  Little mounds, none of them so harsh that trees can’t carelessly cavort atop them.  All those EFL championships: don’t they seem like small mountain-syndrome, the results of their attempts to compensate?

Well, today I am encouraged.  The Alleghenys went very small — just 7 AB, and 0.7 ip; hitting just one hit — a homer — and surrendering the same; taking and giving just one walk; striking out intransitively and transitively, just once each. They scored less than a run, allowed less than a run, and didn’t change their record or their winning percentage.  These are all signs of  small mountains at peace with their stature.  No bluster here, no “dread hands” or “dread eye” — just the power of small, gentle acts.  Hmm.  This opens a whole new perspective on the Top Allegheny.

Flint Hill: L, 1 – 4. (.143, .194, .250;  1.7 ip, 0 er).  A glance at the Flint Hill statistics and James McCann stands out: 1.000, .750, 4.000 — a rare 4.750 OPS. That’s a homer and 2 walks. (The imperfect .750  OBP stems from his fourth plate appearance resulting in a sacrifice fly.) The rest of the team went 3 for 27 with no walk or extra bases — a nasty little .111, .111, .111 line.  Take out Darwin Barney’s 2 for 5 whirlwind, and the non-McCann Wafts managed only 1 for 22 – a 0.045, .045, .045 line, for a 0.090 OPS.  (Heh, heh.  The Flint Hill Wafts.  I love it.)

Peshastin: DNP, 0 – 0.  (.153, .273, .474;  0 ip, 0 er).  The Pears went petite, too, today, like the Alleghenys and the Wafts.  That slugging percentage is considerable, except it comes in only 19 ABs, so it’s only about half-considerable.  Yes, those were complete homers that Rendon and Travis hit, but the Pears didn’t budge on their record or their winning percentage, and only slipped 0.1 games in the standings.

Cottage:  W 1, L   (-1); 1 – (- 3). (.261, .393, .522;  10 ip, 3 er.)  The Cheese went out and hit well and pitched well, serious about winning a game.  They weren’t given a game to win, so they lost a loss to make room for a win to win.  They improved their winning percentage, gained 0.3 games on the (admittedly distant) Wolverines, and generally seized the off day. Good for them!  I wouldn’t call their feet “dread” but they aren’t far from achieving “annoying”, which is a legitimate first step along the path.

Kaline:  “W”, 5 – 7. (..316, .364, .684;  14.3 ip, 9 er).   Only 19 AB means the Drive didn’t have enough sail up to catch all the offensive wind they were generating.  This was a sad thing because they pitched plenty of innings for all the earned runs to hurt 100%.  Still, it’s fun to see all six Drive hitters contributing.  Even Yoenis Cespedes, who went 0 for 2, contributed a sacrifice fly RBI, and a walk.

D.C.:  L, 1 – 7. (.219, .242 .219;  1 ip, 0 er).  There was enough hitting, in the sense of being enough plate appearances, for a game.  It wasn’t enough in the sense of creating runs, but it’s hard to have everything.  The pitching was too short on innings to be of much help.  Still, Balk fans — Balkans — can take comfort in their team’s lead over the Braves and the Twins (1.1 games for both).  22 – 45 is not a “dread” record in Blake’s sense of the word.  And at least as long as it’s better than long-established teams like Atlanta and Minnesota, 22 – 45 is not even “dreadful.”