April 5, 2018:
We have enjoyed the first week of the season when anyone could dream of winning the EFL. These days are almost over. In fact, they barely survived Wednesday’s games:
| EFL | ||||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB | RS | RA |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 4 | 1 | .762 | — | 36.7 | 20.5 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 4 | 2 | .716 | — | 31.0 | 19.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 4 | 2 | .669 | 0.3 | 24.2 | 17.0 |
| Kaline Drive | 5 | 2 | .644 | 0.3 | 34.9 | 25.9 |
| Brookland Outs | 3 | 2 | .581 | 0.9 | 23.9 | 20.3 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 3 | 2 | .514 | 1.2 | 22.7 | 22.1 |
| D.C. Balk | 2 | 3 | .489 | 1.4 | 18.5 | 18.9 |
| Cottage Cheese | 2 | 3 | .461 | 1.5 | 22.5 | 24.4 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 3 | 3 | .444 | 1.6 | 26.4 | 29.5 |
| Haviland Dragons | 2 | 5 | .344 | 2.4 | 31.3 | 43.2 |
| Peshastin Pears | 1 | 5 | .231 | 2.9 | 15.6 | 28.4 |
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Canberra: DNP, (-1) – 2. (.269, .367, .423; 10.3 ip, 7 er). Corey Kluber’s fine 7 ip, 2 er was undone by Blake Snell’s smelly 3.3 ip, 5 er. But Rhys Hoskins preserved the ‘Roos’ moment in the first place sun with 2 hits and a walk in 4 plate appearances to raise his season stats to .471, .550, .824.
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Portland: W, 4 – 2. (.263, .313, .333; 7 ip, 0 er). Jon Gray hurled 7 shutout innings.
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Old Detroit: W (-1), L 1; 1 – 6. (.267, .290, .400; 19.7 ip, 12 er.) The W’s pitching bubble burst badly, with three starters and the long reliever all proferring putrid pitches.
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Kaline: W, 6 – 4. (.316, .409, .526; 1.3 ip, 0 er). Of the 7 Drives who batted Wednesday, 5 OPSed at 1.000 or better, led by Aaron Jud… no, excuse me, by Hunter Renfroe’s 2.000 OPS from his pinch-hit single. Judge only OPSed 1.833 on his homer and walk in 4 pate appearances.
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Brookland: L. (-1) – 5. (.083, .154, .125; 7.3 ip, 3 er). When our current superintendent started at Newberg School District, it was her first gig as a district superintendent. At her first Board meeting she tried to vote on our first motion. I don’t know if anyone else spotted it, it was subtle, and she didn’t try it again. She learned her place very quickly. Not that this little story has anything to do with our new expansion team, currently sitting cheerfully in the upper division of the league, raising his hand when the votes are called for.
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Pittsburgh: “W”, 2 – 4. (.100, .217, .100; 0.3 ip, 0 er). Remember yesterday when I teased the Tornados for Manuel Margot, their leadoff hitter, who had a .100, .217, .100 season batting line? Here’s an entire team with the same 2 for 20 with 3 free passes.
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DC: DNP, (-3) – (-3). (.143, .143, .143; 11 ip, 4 er). Matt Chapman went to bring his season line to .385, .448, .654. I guess a crummy spring really does mean nothing.
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Cottage: “L”, 3 – 2. (.217, .333, .261; 21.7 ip, 8 er). Sean Manaea covered 8 innings with nly 3 hits and one earned run allowed. Ivan Nova gave it away with 5 er in 5.3 ip. But Luis Severino got a lot of it back going 7.3 ip, 2 er.
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Flint Hill: W, 1 – 1. (.261, .357, .435; 1.7 ip, 0 er). The Tornados benched Margot for his .100, .217, .100 line. Are the Allegheny standards lower than Flint Hill’s? Or will the A’s bench their entire lineup?
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Haviland: W, 5 – 3. (.250, .385, .531; 11.3 ip, 1 er). The Dragons got a stellar outing from Carlos Martinez, who achieved 8.3 shutout innings. Zach Cozart also homered, which seems entirely unfair.
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Peshastin: L, 2 – 4. (.120, .214, .120; 8.7 ip, 3 er). I get it. People were troubled by how I singled out Manuel Margot for ridicule yesterday. So they decided to match his batting line as a sign of solidarity for the oppressed. Ok. I get that. Even though someone has to be oppressed (according to Godspell), it’s honorable to stand alongside the oppressed. Except the Pears got 25 plate appearances, not 20, and had 3 hits, not two, and three walks, not one, so they may have slept under the bridge, but they had a thin foam pad to lie on.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2018
| AL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Boston Red Sox | 5 | 1 | .833 | — |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 4 | 2 | .669 | 1 |
| New York Yankees | 4 | 2 | .667 | 1 |
| Toronto Blue Jays | 4 | 3 | .571 | 1.5 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 3 | 3 | .444 | 2.3 |
| Baltimore Orioles | 1 | 5 | .167 | 4 |
| Tampa Bay Rays | 1 | 5 | .167 | 4 |
| NL East | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| New York Mets | 4 | 1 | .800 | — |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 4 | 1 | .762 | 0.2 |
| Washington Nationals | 4 | 2 | .667 | 0.5 |
| Atlanta Braves | 4 | 2 | .667 | 0.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 2 | 3 | .489 | 1.6 |
| Miami Marlins | 2 | 4 | .333 | 2.5 |
| Philadelphia Phillies | 1 | 4 | .200 | 3 |
| AL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Chicago White Sox | 3 | 2 | .600 | — |
| Minnesota Twins | 3 | 2 | .600 | — |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 3 | 2 | .514 | 0.4 |
| Cleveland Indians | 2 | 4 | .333 | 1.5 |
| Kansas City Royals | 1 | 3 | .250 | 1.5 |
| Detroit Tigers | 1 | 4 | .200 | 2 |
| NL Central | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Pittsburgh Pirates | 4 | 1 | .800 | — |
| Milwaukee Brewers | 4 | 2 | .667 | 0.5 |
| Brookland Outs | 3 | 2 | .581 | 1.1 |
| St. Louis Cardinals | 3 | 3 | .500 | 1.5 |
| Cottage Cheese | 2 | 3 | .461 | 1.7 |
| Chicago Cubs | 2 | 3 | .400 | 2 |
| Cincinnati Reds | 1 | 3 | .250 | 2.5 |
| AL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Houston Astros | 6 | 1 | .857 | — |
| Los Angeles Angels | 5 | 2 | .714 | 1 |
| Kaline Drive | 5 | 2 | .644 | 1.5 |
| Seattle Mariners | 3 | 2 | .600 | 2 |
| Oakland A’s | 3 | 4 | .429 | 3 |
| Haviland Dragons | 2 | 5 | .344 | 3.6 |
| Texas Rangers | 2 | 5 | .286 | 4 |
| NL West | ||||
| TEAM | WINS | LOSSES | PCT. | GB |
| Arizona Diamondbacks | 5 | 1 | .833 | — |
| Portland Rosebuds | 4 | 2 | .716 | 0.7 |
| San Francisco Giants | 3 | 3 | .500 | 2 |
| Colorado Rockies | 3 | 3 | .500 | 2 |
| Los Angeles Dodgers | 2 | 5 | .286 | 3.5 |
| Peshastin Pears | 1 | 5 | .231 | 3.6 |
| San Diego Padres | 1 | 5 | .167 | 4 |