More fun than a midterm (as if that is even possible)

I learned something over the last couple of days. I posted that EFL mid-term exam, which I thought was a thing of beauty. But judging by the league’s rate of completion for that exam, it was sort of a dud with all of you.  That’s how I discovered, to my utter surprise, that not many people consider a well-composed exam to be a possible source of aesthetic pleasure!  How can this be?  Aren’t written exams a form of literature?  An exceptionally difficult genre, I might add, one that you can work at for 30 years and still feel like a beginner in the craft.  An exam  demands everything any literature does — economy of expression, color, creativity, grammar. On top of that the questions require careful design. Making an exam functional, beautiful, and even funny is hard enough, but to make it a teaching tool AND an assessment at the same time?  That requires ART.

Every single person in this league is (or has been) either a professor or a student, most of us of extended tenure at both.  I really thought there’d be more appreciation for the exam as art form…

Or maybe you just thought it a poor effort.

Anyway, today we’ll just focus on baseball, pure and simple.

Notes:

1.  I somehow botched the MLB standings yesterday or the day before.  These are the standings as of this morning.  The batting and pitching lines are for the last two days, but the results listed are since the standings I posted yesterday, which seem to have been some kind of hybrid of yesterday and Thursday standings.

2.  The results today divide the league into two classes: the genteel upper division teams from Old Detroit through Peshastin; and the wild, rough-and-tumble lower division from Cottage all the way down.  Observe: 

Old Detroit:  W, 6 – 4.  ..271, .347, .388; 12 ip, 6 er.  I hate to air the W’s dirty laundry but Wade Miley wasn’t very genteel the other night. He got yanked after surrendering 5 runs in 4 innings, and argued with his manager in the dugout where half the fans in Old Detroit Stadium could see him. (That fan was just over there retrieving one of the homers Miley served up. I don’t think he actually saw much.)  But Madison Bumgarner put the W’s back on an even keel with his 8 ip, 1 er effort last night.  I hope the W’s don’t get TOO genteel. That lead has shrunken the last couple of days.

Haviland: W, 4- 3. .262, .328, .344; 12.7 ip, 6 er.  I don’t blame you if you’re skeptical about the concept of “genteel Dragons.”  But look at that inoffensive offensive line — a little understated, wouldn’t you agree, especially for Dragons? Certainly not loud or belligerent.  Same for that 4.26 ERA.  Matt Barnes even ushered three of his opponents all the way around the bases for earned runs without taking an out from them. What’s more genteel than a  modest infinite chulk?

Flint Hill:  “W”, 4 – 5.  .282, .349, .423; 1.7 ip, 1 er.  It was another genteel day at the Cow Pasture (at least, I believe that’s the name for the the Tornados’ home field there in beautiful downtown Flint Hill, just 70 miles off the interstate, turn left at the stop light). That’s a pretty resounding batting line for a genteel club, but it didn’t do any major harm. And, despite his fiery revolution-evoking name, Adam Liberatore went out there, faced one batter, and got him out on a harmless grounder or fly ball or something. No fuss, just got the job done. And since everyone thought Liberatore was getting a save, even though the T’s were  actually behind a run, the other team said, “Aw, shucks, we saw that mistake on the scoreboard, and we didn’t say nothin’ about it. You’d of tried harder had you known you was behind.  Go ahead and take the win.”  Genteel is as genteel does, I always say.

Peshastin: L, 4 – 6; .257, .317, .392;  16 ip, 7 er.  Yep — more gentility. The Pears’ leading hitter was Welington Castillo, so you know there couldn’t have been much rough offense going on. Wait… how did the Pears manage to coax a 3 for 4 with a double out of Welington Castillo? The Cubs, Mariners, and Wolverines all tried to get him to hit, but failed. It just took the gentle, sweet Pears, I guess, to get Welington well.

Cottage: L, 6 – 13. .225, .337, .366; 5 ip. 9 er.  The problem with gentility is it’s so boring!  I was about to fall asleep just writing the first four teams’ entries.  But now we are crossing over the border, leaving the land of prim order and entering the wild turmoil of the EFL’s unruly lower regions.  You might wonder what I am talking about, looking at that Cheesy batting line, so similar to three of the four genteel teams’.  But look at what happened on the Cottage mound!  A triple chulk from Drew Hutchison sent the Cheese reeling to defeat by a huge score. In his 2.3 innings, Hutch gave up 9 hits (including 3 homers) and 3 walks. That’s a run for every out, and a WHIP of way over 4.00.  Fans had plenty to watch.

Pittsburgh: W, 17 – 8. .419. .500, .742; 2.7 ip. 3 er.  Now we’re talking — big excitement on both sides of the plate!  The Allegheny hitters blasted away with a 1.242 OPS as a team. In 72 plate appearances they reached base 26 times — 10 walks, 26 base hits. They blasted 5 homers. Mike Trout (2.403) and Chris Carter (2.417) had heeeeuuuge days at the plate.  No double plays, no sacrifices, just flat out slugging and walking. The Alleghenys let replacements or someone do the starting pitching, then let real firemen loose as relievers.  Fans were on the edge of their seats, even 9 runs up in the top of the ninth inning — and the A’s don’t even have Fernando Rodney!

Canberra: W 1, L 2; 12 – 20.  .224, .303, .345; 2.7 ip 0 er. A tripleheader is always exciting, in my experience, sort of like a huge rainstorm in Houston: a huge oversupply of baseball that takes at least 27 innings to slowly drain away.  Even if you were the Kangaroos fan watching his team mostly get drubbed, you’d have the pleasure of cheering for Bryce Harper going .500, .625, 1.000 over 8 plate appearances. Jose Abreu’s .500, .500, 1.250 would also cheer you up, since it’s about time.

Kaline: W (1), L2; (-2) – 2. .186, .219, .200; 20.3 ip, 7 er.  You know, genteel isn’t all bad.  When you stray outside the lines of the prim and proper, sometimes you have to sit there through 73 Drive plate appearances marked by 17 strikeouts and only 3 walks. But wouldn’t it still be fun to watch Tommy Milone do his Jamie Moyer impression — 7 ip, 2 er — to salvage a win from all that drama?  And to see Mark Trumbo get a hit!? And Jace Peterson rub the W’s noses in it once again (4 for 8 with a double and two walks).

Portland: W, 8 – 0. .333, .371, .530; 15.7 ip, 7 er.  Joe Kelly put a scare into the Rosebud faithful, serving up 4 earned runs in 6 innings, and looking like he was about to give back Portland’s big lead. But the other Rosebud pitchers did better, and everyone was replacing replacement pitchers’ stats.  And what’s a ballgame in Portland without something quirky happening?  Like Mookie Betts running into a wall and knocking himself clean onto the DL?