League Updates

A Well-Intended Mystery

Last night I was switching between the Mariners’ broadcast and the Pirates.  In the top of the ninth, Pittsburgh was tied with Atlanta 6 to 6.  The Pirate broadcasters — I think they were Greg Brown and  Steve Blass (back row in the picture, Brown is on the left and Blass is next to him),  — were trying to gin up some good omens for the Pirates.  Brown noted that Josh Bell wears number 55, while the Braves’ pitcher wears 77.  He was convinced this was a wonderful sign for the Pirates, pointing out to Blass, his extremely skeptical color man, that 5 + 7 = 12; the two teams were tied at 6; 6 + 6 = 12;  but the Braves had 13 hits, while the Pirates had only 12; and the best way to bring everything into balance would be for Bell to hit a homer to even the hits at 13, and bring the total runs to 13.

All that took three pitches to explain.  On the fourth pitch, Bell homered. For the first time since May 29.

I immediately wrote down the above two paragraphs, consuming the rest of the top of the ninth and the commercial break, and the first four pitches to the Braves’ leadoff hitter.  I turned my attention back to the game, discovering the Wolverines’ new slugger Austin Riley was up with a 3-1 count.  On the next pitch HE hit a homer.

By the time I checked back on the Mariners, the M’s were ahead 9-6.  Twins defenders had been infected with marineritis and were throwing baseballs all over.  Miguel Sano made the most damaging error, allowing two runs to score.  And the M’s  won the game, a miracle in itself given the state of its bullpen.

So I switched back to the Pirates/Braves game, where the Braves had the winning run on… but the Pirates got the third out to send it to the 10th.  Unfortunately for the Pirates, the Braves did not get sloppy  with the baseball, and the Braves eventually won with no further Riley heroics.

So the evening ended prosaically, as prosaic as it can get when the M’s inexplicably pull out a win.  But for a few minutes there Greg Brown seemed to have opened a window into a world where magic happens when you conjure homers and comebacks to find patterns and portents in seemingly random numbers.

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EFL Standings for 2019
EFL
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB RS RA
Portland Rosebuds 47 21 .685 420.1 283.0
Flint Hill Tornadoes 42 24 .640 3.3 430.6 323.0
Old Detroit Wolverines 37 29 .564 8.4 374.0 325.1
Peshastin Pears 36 32 .526 10.8 349.0 330.9
Canberra Kangaroos 35 33 .519 11.3 374.5 362.8
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 34 32 .514 11.7 309.1 299.6
Kaline Drive 33 36 .472 14.5 280.9 299.3
Haviland Dragons 32 37 .460 15.4 337.4 364.5
Bellingham Cascades 29 37 .440 16.6 316.2 360.9
Cottage Cheese 30 38 .436 16.9 361.2 409.7
Brookland Outs 27 41 .394 19.8 326.4 408.4
D.C. Balk 25 43 .367 21.6 288.4 378.7
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Portland: W 1, L (-1);  1- (-2). (37 PA, .303, .378, .364;  20.7 ip, 3 er , 1.31 ERA). 
Let’s see.  The three Rosebuds who topped a 1.000 OPS all have a letter that repeats three times in their names:  Kevin Newma(1.467); Tommy Pham (1.200); Christin Stewart (1.167).  For good measure, the best performing pitcher (7.7 ip, 0 er) was Merrill Kelly.
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Flint Hill:  DNP, 1 – 1. (40 PA, .270, .325, .595; 7 ip, 5 er, 6.43 ERA).  Javier Baez, Yasmani Grandal, Teoscar  Hernandez, and Max Kepler all OPSed 1.000 or more.  Xander Bogaerts (.250) and Austin Meadows (.200) did not. So — having a single X, Y, or Z in your name makes you a dominant hitter, but having a plural name destroys that effect.  In fact, we can tell that precisely 5% of the empowerment one receives from having an X, Y or Z remains after the destructive power of pluralization.
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Old Detroit:  W (-1), L 1; 4 – 6.  (46 PA, .415, .435, .854; 9.3 ip. 10 er, 9.64 ERA). All seven Wolverines to OPS 1.000- or better have an “L” in their name (Bell, Rafael, Riley, Kyle, Mallex, Soler, and king of the group, Daniel Vogelbach).  Bryan Reynolds OPSed 0.000 but that was obviously because he has two Y’s in his name as well. 
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Peshastin: DNP, (-1) – (-1). (23 PA, .250, .348, .400; 17 ip, 10 er, 5.29 ERA).
Here is an interesting item: Ozzie Albies and Christian Vazquez are the only two Pears in the Wednesday boxscore to have two z’s in one of their names. Weird, huh?
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Canberra:  L, 7 – 7. (29 PA, .217, .379, .478; 6 ip, 4 er, 6.00 ERA).   The only two Kangaroos to OPS over 1.000 were Starling Marte and Nick Senzel, the only two players in the Canberra boxscore with names starting with “S.”
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Pittsburgh: W, 4 – 4. (38 PA, .156, .289, .313; 7 ip, 2 er., 2.57 ERA).  Three Alleghenys OPSed over 1.000.   The all repeat a syllable from their first name in their last name: Byron Buxton, Tyler Flowers, Dansby Swanson. None of the other eight Alleghenys to appear share that weird distinction.
Kaline: “W”, 4 – 7. (32 PA, .226, .250, .290; 2.3 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA).  The top two hitters on the Drive Wednesday (Oscar Mercado and  Omar Narvaez) are both 27 years old. None of the other 11 Drive to appear are that age.
Haviland: “W”, 5 – 7. (31 PA, .250, .323, .500; 1 ip, 0 er, 0 ERA). The three top hitters all have an “an” in their name: Ramon Laureano (1.750 OPS),  Miguel Sano (1.250), and, of course (because he has TWO “an” syllables), Carlos Santana (1.833). Fernando Tatis Jr. has an “an” and OPSed only 0.000, but he’s also a Jr. so he doesn’t count.
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Bellingham: L, 4 – 6.  (20 PA, .263, .300, .474; 1.3 ip, 0 era). Ronald Acuna is the straw stirring the Cascades’ drink in June, hitting .320, .382, .600.  He also leads the team in plate appearances. Bryce Harper leads the team in salary, but he’s OPSing only .692 in June.  I wonder what it’s like to be Bryce Harper right now. Rowdy Tellez leads the team win colorful names, and also yesterday in OPS (1.400).  The two leading players for Bellingham Wednesday are the only Cascades in the box score to have names starting in R.
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Cottage:  W, 8 – (-1). (19 PA, .389, .421, .722; 13 ip, 4 er, 2.77 ERA).  Only 6 Cheese played Wednesday.  Only one of them didn’t have a very good day: Jorge Polanco went 1 for 5.  Everyone else either OPSed over 1.000 (Castellanos, Diaz, Thames) or had a great start with an ERA of 3.00 or below (Chirinos and Duffy). So what to avoid if you don’t want a bad day?  Try not to have three “O’s” in your name. Obviously.  This is baseball.
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Brookland:  W, 8 – 7. (39 PA, .400, .462, .429;  1 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA).  Of the six Outs who OPSed 1.000 or better,  all of them had names starting in A (Brian Anderson, Christian Arroyo) or G ( Vladdy G, Lourdes G, Kelvin Gutierrez, and Gregory Polanco).  For good measure, Nick Anderson pitched the scoreless inning.  G. A. 
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DC: L, 4 – 6. (31 PA, .207, .258, .448; 1.3 ip, 0 er, 0.00 ERA). The  two top Balks Wednesday were Andrew Benintendi (2.500 OPS) and JT Riddle (3.000 OPS).  Their last names mean “Well-intended riddle.”
So, I guess, here’s the “well-intended riddle” for today. The foolproof recipe for success in baseball will have:
1. a letter that repeats three times.
2. one X, Y, or Z.
3. an L, but not two Y’s.
4. Two Z’s.
5. an S.
6. a repeated syllable, but not a “Jr.” .
7. the syllable “an”.
8.  a word starting with “R”.
9. fewer than three “O”s.
10. words starting with the letters G and A.
11. some connection to the number 27.
A prize for the answer. Hint: I have no idea what the answer might be. But Greg Brown knows.
Combined MLB + EFL Standings for 2019
AL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Flint Hill Tornadoes 42 24 .640
New York Yankees 41 25 .621 1.2
Tampa Bay Rays 41 26 .612 1.7
Old Detroit Wolverines 37 29 .564 5
Boston Red Sox 35 34 .507 8.7
Toronto Blue Jays 24 43 .358 18.7
Baltimore Orioles 21 46 .313 21.7
NL East
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Atlanta Braves 39 29 .574
Philadelphia Phillies 38 30 .559 1
Canberra Kangaroos 35 33 .519 3.7
New York Mets 33 34 .493 5.5
Washington Nationals 31 36 .463 7.5
D.C. Balk 25 43 .367 14
Miami Marlins 24 42 .364 14
AL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Minnesota Twins 44 22 .667
Pittsburgh Alleghenys 34 32 .514 10.1
Cleveland Indians 34 33 .507 10.5
Chicago White Sox 32 34 .485 12
Bellingham Cascades 29 37 .440 15
Detroit Tigers 25 39 .391 18
Kansas City Royals 21 46 .313 23.5
NL Central
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Milwaukee Brewers 39 29 .574
Chicago Cubs 38 29 .567 0.5
St. Louis Cardinals 33 33 .500 5
Pittsburgh Pirates 30 36 .455 8
Cincinnati Reds 29 37 .439 9
Cottage Cheese 30 38 .436 9.3
Brookland Outs 27 41 .394 12.2
AL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Houston Astros 46 23 .667
Texas Rangers 36 31 .537 9
Oakland A’s 35 34 .507 11
Los Angeles Angels 33 35 .485 12.5
Kaline Drive 33 36 .472 13.4
Haviland Dragons 32 37 .460 14.3
Seattle Mariners 29 42 .408 18
NL West
TEAM WINS LOSSES PCT. GB
Portland Rosebuds 47 21 .685
Los Angeles Dodgers 45 23 .662 1.6
Peshastin Pears 36 32 .526 10.8
Arizona Diamondbacks 36 33 .522 11.1
Colorado Rockies 35 32 .522 11.1
San Diego Padres 33 35 .485 13.6
San Francisco Giants 28 38 .424 17.6