Happy Magna Carta Day!

On June 15, 1215, rebellious English barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.

Some may wonder why we have no Magna Carta in the EFL.  Are not the owners of EFL teams like unto the barons of England, Wales and Ireland 800 years ago? And is not the Commissioner like unto King John?  What prevents the owners from encircling the Commissioner in some meadow and forcing him to agree to observe their rights and liberties?

To which we say, Lo, we already have the Rules of the League which enforce your rights. And we hereby pledge that to no one will we sell, to no one deny or delay right or justice. Nor will we compel your widows to marry, nor evict them from your house for at least 40 days after your death; nor force you to follow our royal court around to resolve inquests of novel disseisin, mort d’ancestor, or darrein presentment; nor will we force you to build bridges over Hess Creek, unless you have an ancient obligation to do so, since that’s already being taken care of; nor will we increase the rent on any county, hundred, wapentake, or tithing; nor will we allow anyone to take movable goods from any man without immediate payment; nor will we seize or imprison you, or strip you of your rights or possessions, or outlaw or exile you, nor proceed with force against you, except by the lawful judgment of your equals or by the Rules of the League. (We would also promise not to arrest or imprison anyone on the appeal of a woman, except we don’t think Melanie will let us.)

Oh, yes, we almost forgot: as per your demand, all fish-weirs shall be removed except on the sea coast. And Owners shall be fined only by their equals, and in proportion to the gravity of their offence, or perhaps of their pitching if it be even graver.

And we have also granted for ever all the liberties written out above, to have and to keep for you and your heirs, of us and our heirs.

So what more could you want?

Old Detroit: L, 1 – 2; .119, .229, .119; 16.3 ip, 3 er.  As little as we might like it, we find ourselves on this beautiful day in a position not too dissimilar from King John’s, our lead eroding quickly.

Haviland: W 2, L (-1); 11 – 3.  .444, .524, .722; 3 ip, 0 er.  When you lose 1.2 games of your lead in a single day, the crown sits loosely on your head.  You might be willing to sign anything to buy time to improve your position.

Cottage:  W 1, L (-1); 6 – (-3). .344, .432, .688; 22 ip, 6 er.  This is especially true when just behind your closest pursuer comes another one, his face twisted with wild vengeance he is eager to wreak upon you.

Peshastin: L, 1 – 8.  .163, .245, .186;  20.7 ip 11 er.  Dillon Gee, our good and faithful servant, has successfully sabotaged the Pears with a hefty chulk (3.7 ip, 8 er) to undo the good done by Max Scherzer’s 9 inning 1 hitter.

Flint Hill: “W”, 4 – 5.  .250,  .317, .333;  1 ip, 0 er.   We’d like it a lot better if the Tornadoes didn’t employ an assassin named “Liberatore.”

Pittsburgh: W, 2 – (-2).  .133, .289, .133;  16 ip 0 er.  Nor does it help to see our ancient rival lurking within striking distance, mingling there in the crowd.  Don’t think you fool us! We see you there, and so does everyone else!  If you’re trying to hide your royal pedigree and ambitions, you shouldn’t go around producing 16 shutout innings seemingly at will.

Kaline:  W, 7 – 3. .343, .410, .629;  8 ip, 3 er.  The Drive are more dangerous than they’ve been recently, clearly.  All that offense!  The pitching is hanging in there.  But as long as they’re carrying around the millstone known as Mike Zunino (1 for 32 this month, batting .o31, .162, .031!) there is only so far they can go. If the Wizard is really a wizard, he bears more careful watching.

Canberra: L, 5 – 7.  .289, .357, .342;  4.0 ip, 2 er.  (You do realize, Ryan, that the EFL is not a monarchy.  It’s not even a nepocracy.  You can’t just wait around for the W’s to croak and then take over.  You’ll need to win it on your own merits.)

Portland: L, 4 – 7.  .286, .310, .357;  9 ip, 7 er.  The Rosebuds had better offense yesterday than their sovereign Lord Commissioner did.  Darn Rules! We wouldn’t have minded taking his horses for transport yesterday, with or without his consent.  Hmmm. The real King John got significant portions of the Magna Carta repealed almost immediately.  Maybe I can pick up some pointers.